Friday, January 30, 2015

Friday Wrapup

Let's get to it!


Um, so this week has been a doozy. We started our big move last weekend and are finishing it all up tonight. However, by last Sunday, I was down for the count with a nasty cough that wouldn't quit. By Tuesday I was still coughing and, to boot, now started getting massive headaches to join the fun. So needless to say, by last night, my pregnant, tired, sick self basically collapsed in a heap of boxes and kitchen supplies, becoming a tired, cranky mess that my husband got to come home to after a few drinks with friends. Which trust me, he needed.

So, I'm having a hard time figuring out who's suffering more now - me or him? My friend Beth said that she's going to buy him this shirt:

However, there needs to be an "and sick and we're moving this weekend" caveat there because I swear to the universe that I'm trying SO hard not to be a crazy, awful human. Which is scary, because I'm pretty sure CB is like " these are those hormones we were waiting to kick in, eh?" If only he knew how hard I was trying to keep them at bay.

Anyway, on Monday you will hopefully see a new me, you guys! Or at least a me that is living in just one apartment instead of two? And also maybe work won't try to kill me to boot (see the Video of the Week.)

Which is why.....


....I keep watching this video on repeat. It warms my heart. But only after I was sure this wasn't some awful video where a kitten attacks ducklings (spoiler alert: it's not). Thank you, kittens and little ducklings. You always just know what to do.


This week's book is "All the Light We Cannot See" by Anthony Doerr. Have any of you guys read this? I was talking to my dad about it the other day and he was hesitating when trying to describe it, mainly because I think, as the review says, he and my mom were expecting more. And I've read books like that (my family will recall the "Year of Wonders" nightmare I experienced) - it's not a bad book at all, but you're not quite sure if you're missing something....or not.

So have you read it? What do you think? Click here to check out the review and let me know what you think!


So, this week's Video of the Week is slightly different than normal, but it pretty much sums up my week. Co-workers and I referred to this scene a LOT's very cathartic.

Wednesday, January 28, 2015

Conversations from Cohabitation

Future Mother of the Year (while watching “Modern Family” the other night):

Me: “Honestly, Lilly is the worst. I wish they would just kill her off or something.”
CB: “Um, Beck, they’re not going to kill a little girl character on a sitcom.”
Me: “I’m just saying.”
CB: “But I don’t understand why they don’t just replace her. Like, all of a sudden one week there’s just a new Lilly. I don’t think anyone would mind.”
Me: “Agreed. Like when they replaced Becky on “Roseanne” or Darren on “Bewitched.”


Me: “I mean, the entire world has to hate her, right?”
CB: “Well, hate is a strong word.”
Me: “If they don’t, they’re not paying enough attention.”


So we’re in the process of a move, and I decided to share some ideas with CB about how the new place could be even better!

Me: “So I have an idea for our new apartment.”
CB, skeptical: “Ok….”
Me: “I think we should implement a ‘no shoe’ policy.”
CB: “A no shoe policy?”
Me: “Yeah. So when you come in, you just place your shoes on the mat next to the door so you’re not tracking in dirt.”
CB: “How about we just don’t implement ‘policies’ into our marriage?”
Me: “It’ll be great. We could even put our slippers by the door to make it an easier transition for you.”
CB: “It’s easy right now.”
Me: “Right. But you wear your shoes all through the apartment and track dirt everywhere.”
CB: “I don’t track dirt everywhere.”
Me: “Um, you do. You wear them outside all day long, then come inside and your dirty shoes leave germs and dirt everywhere.”
CB: “There’s not scotch tape stuck to my shoe to attract the dirt, they’re not dirty.”
Me: “Do you not understand how germs are spread? Your shoes ARE dirty. You wear them outside. What are you not understanding.”
CB: “I would lick the bottom of my shoes, that’s how clean they are.”
Me: “You’re disgusting and you’ve got a deal. New policy: you can wear your outside shoes inside if you lick the bottoms of both shoes each time you walk through the door.”
CB: “This just went from bad to worse.”
Me: “My original policy isn’t sounding so bad now, is it?”

Happy Wednesday!

Monday, January 26, 2015

Terrible blogger

So, we moved all weekend and I'm EXHAUSTED. Hence, my brain isn't working properly for telling any stories for this snowy Monday morning...but check me out on Wednesday, I promise I'll be back with a vengeance!

Happy Monday!

Friday, January 23, 2015

Friday Wrapup

Let's get to it!


This terrified my soul.


This week's book is actually one that I've read! Go figure. So click here and check out my review of Amy Poehler's "Yes Please" and peruse around for more reading inspiration!


I saw this video and it instantly reminded me of my mornings trying to wake up CB.


And now, the Video of the Week!

No joke - this morning I was in the shower and just started singing "I woke up like this....I woke up like this. Flawless." Then I got out of the shower and saw that I only rinsed out half of the soap from my hair. So, you know, flawless. 

Anyway, you'd think that it would make me pick "Flawless" as the video of the week, but that's why you read this blog - the always keeping you on your toes and such - and so I'm actually picking the song that has gotten my growing self onto the treadmill and elliptical, gym clothes not fitting properly be damned! I'm grown! (and growing!)

Happy Friday! 


Wednesday, January 21, 2015

Conversations from Cohabitation

On Saturday night, we were sitting in our apartment doing a puzzle at the card table, listening to music, and generally being awesome.

Me: “Wow, I haven’t heard this song in forever.”
CB: “Yeah, this is an old one.”
Me: “It’s got to be Michael Jackson circa the late 70s. And we’re singing along.”
CB: “Yep, that’s us! Listening to music from the late 70s acting like we’re in our late 70s.”
Me: “We’re a good time.”


A few weeks ago, I came back from running errands and was really excited about the fact that I’d walked by a store with adorable baby clothes that I couldn’t wait to buy.

Me: “Guess what’s going to be awesome for me during this pregnancy?”


CB: “Exercise?”

Silence and glaring.

Me: “Um, no, but I hope you like sleeping in the living room, because it is now your new bedroom.”
CB, laughing: “I’m just trying to make sure you’re keeping your sense of humor while you’re pregnant.”
Me: “And divorcing my husband?”
CB: “So then no, you’re not keeping it?”
Me: “No, I’m too busy exercising.”

Monday, January 19, 2015

And then there were three....

You know, I've spent my entire life looking forward to certain milestones: birthdays, new jobs, finishing a marathon, etc. And one of the milestones in my life that has lived up to all of the hype in my head (which we all know is extra hyped), was marrying CB.

I mean, I knew the wedding would be a blast. Um, it's a wedding. You're doing it wrong if it's not. But the marriage was something I was sure would be filled with highs and lows and laughter and some tears - you know, a marriage. But a milestone I was never quite sure about was whether or not I would want to be - or could even be - a mom. Until my early 30s, I was pretty set on the idea that it wasn't something I was cut out for, nor something I was overly eager to try. I mean, from what I'd heard, you can't just kind of see if it works for you and, if it's not really your bag, just hand the kid back and be like "my bad!" And so it was something that always floated out there as a distant possibility, but never really occupied too much time in my day-to-day life.

Until I met CB. To be fair, I met him long before I knew I'd marry him, but even from early on, I knew this guy was going to be a great dad. It's just in his bones. He's got that way about him and it was something he was always sure would be in his future, too.

But then he went and married someone whose insides may have dried up already, and so I laid a lot of groundwork about my geriatric eggs: "You know, women in their mid-late thirties have a harder time getting pregnant, so maybe we'll just travel instead?" or "This is what you get for marrying someone who was born in the 70s. I know I'm alluring and impossible to resist, but my lady-parts might have closed shop already."

And other really sexy, positive things like that.

But he said "I do" anyway and we went off on our adventure into marriage with the comfort of knowing that we were in this together, whatever may be. And, hey! Maybe this biology thing would work out for us and, if so, Yahtzee! And if not? I've always wanted to go to Greece. (SPOILER ALERT: apparently you can have children AND travel, but we figured our traveling would be a lot fancier if a baby wasn't taking all of our money.)

Then, on a rainy, moody Saturday afternoon in October, I hated the smell of eggs, CB was insanely irritating, and I peed on three different brands of sticks that all told me the same thing: you guys made a person and sh*t just got real.

Bye-bye, Greece!

Hello, Baby Collins!

You can't tell from the photo, but I'm wearing sparkle shoes.
So do not fear, some things never change. 

Happy Monday!

Wednesday, January 14, 2015

My Brain is Magical (and other things people never tell me)

Ok, so I’ve talked about this here before, but I’ve come to a very scientifically sound conclusion that I can make things happen with my mind. Like, I can’t move a glass across the table by just staring at it or anything, but that’s also not a really useful way of using my magic, and so I’ve never really put my mind to trying. However, I do have magical thinking powers that make things appear and not really have an effect on my life in any real significant way, and that’s what we call a gift, people.

Here’s a very recent example to prove my sound theory:

Yesterday I was on the treadmill at the gym and happened to be trotting across from a guy who kind of looked like that guy from the tv show “Felicity” who was on season two when Felicity was an RA? And this kid was kind of annoying but popped up every now and again to move the plot along?

I’m assuming that we’re all on the same page with who I’m talking about now that I’ve clarified, and so I’ll move ahead with the story.

So anyway, I sort of awkwardly jog-stared at him to see if it was him, or if it just looked like him and I needed to stop staring. Also, if it was him, what was his name? Had I ever known his name? What else could I refer to that he’s been in more recently?

All of these questions brought back big fat nothing, and so I decided to stop side-eyeing him and concluded that it wasn’t him.

Basically exactly what he
looked like at the gym.
Without the tie.
BUT THEN, I was on the train this morning and was reading the news blurbs they have up on the tv screen to pass your time while commuting, and they have this one segment called “Guess the Celebrity.” And so what they’ll do is give you, like, three or four clues of who this person is, and then they excitedly reveal the person’s picture and name to see if you’ve guessed correctly. I play this religiously on my commute in between patiently waiting for my horoscope to come up and tell me that today will be challenging but it’s opening my eyes to new adventures.

Anyway. I’m sure you’re all way ahead of me, but it was THE SAME GUY, you guys! His name is apparently Michael Peña and, according to his IMDB page, he resides in Los Angeles (yes, I looked it up when I got to work). Which doesn’t mean he couldn’t have been residing on the treadmill yesterday in New York City, but DOES mean that my brain is magical. 

You see, while it may not be apparent to a layman, what my brain basically has the power to do is think about something or someone and then it appears. It doesn’t necessarily do anything once it appears except freak me the f out, but it appears and that’s awesome.

I mean, I could give you hundreds more examples, all of which are incredible and I share with CB on a regular basis. And then he’s like “So why haven’t you made Jessica Biel appear yet?” and I’m like “I think my brain really has to focus on it for a while.” And then he’s like “I’d appreciate you focusing more on my needs and Jessica Biel so those things appear in the future.” And then I’ve already moved on and am thinking about something else that I’d like to appear in my life more.

Happy Wednesday, everyone!  

Monday, January 12, 2015

Conversations from Cohabitation

So yesterday, I heard a story about CB from about 15 years ago that I’d never heard before. And it was one of those that, had it happened to me, I would’ve told everyone because it’d make me a hero in the eyes of my friends. But because he’s him, he doesn’t share ANYTHING and it drives me nuts.

Fast forward to 6 hours after initially hearing the story and we were sitting in the living room, quietly reading.

Me: “If I were to commit a crime, I’d want you as my partner.”
CB: “Ok…”
Me: “You’d NEVER tell anyone. I mean, you’d have guilt and stuff, but you’d never be one of those people who, like, rats on a friend or tells someone’s secrets. It’s admirable.”
CB: “Thanks.”


Me: “I love that you’re not even asking me why I’m telling you this.”
CB: “I’m guessing it’s only a matter of time before you’ll tell me, so I’ll wait.”


Me: “So this was my train of thought: I was thinking about that story and how, if that were me, I would’ve told everyone. Um, it took an hour after hearing it and I’d already told Beth and Matt. And Beth said she would also tell everyone. And then I started thinking about how you probably didn’t even go home and brag to your friends in college about it, which would’ve been a typical college guy thing to do.”
CB: “No, you’re right, I didn’t mention it.”
Me: “Right. And then I thought about how you’d totally be the guy other guys could, like, kind of do stupid or even bad things around and nobody would ever find out from you because you’re like a steal trap.”


Me: “And then I thought how, if we were to rob a bank, you’d totally keep that quiet. I mean, we’d never rob a bank, but if we did, I’d give it away immediately. I’d be like I JUST ROBBED A BANK OH MY GOD. And you’d just sit there silently. It’s sort of admirable and creepy all at the same time.”
CB: “Um…thank you?”
Me: “I’ll say more admirable, though. But geez, I married you and now I’m finding out that there are all sorts of fun stories from your past that you haven’t told me!”
CB: “Why would I ever tell you that story? It was about another girl.”
Me: “Uh, FYI, if I had anything close to that story to tell, I’d tell you about every 6 months just so we could high five about it.”
CB: “There’s something wrong with you.”

Happy Monday, everyone! 

Friday, January 9, 2015

Friday Wrapup

Let's get to it!


Yay, it's snowing!!!!


This is similar to the conversations CB has with me weekly when I'm just no longer making sense. I believe this is a reenactment of us the other night.


Guess what I didn't do at all over my break? Write anything about any book that I've read. Thankfully, other members of my family do not possess my slacking gene, and so check out this week's book: "Outliers" by Malcolm Gladwell.  Definitely sounds like a must-read, and since I have a handy-dandy Kindle now (thanks, sis! I'm only about 5 years behind the times!), I think I'll be downloading it soon. Click here  to check it out and peruse around the site for other snowy, stay-inside-and-read recommendations! 


Ok, so this week's Video of the Week has a back-story that always makes me laugh. Several weeks ago, I mentioned how I really liked this one Ed Sheeran song, and I'll be damned if I'm in my 30s and am probably supposed to be aged out of his music. (Sidebar: in the song he says "I'll love you until I'm 70" and I told CB that that's how we know that we're old, because that's just not that old and then I said how we better love each other well into our 90s. But then I think he stopped listening). 

Anyway, I then told CB that the only problem is that I saw the video, and it's so ridiculous that now I can't quite listen to it the same way. 

Fast forward to him catching the video a few weeks later and being like "How was this ever a good idea for this video?", to which I agreed. Two days ago:

CB: "I heard that song again on the radio and I just can't listen to it anymore because all I see is him dancing."
Me: "Told you."'re welcome. Happy Friday! 

Wednesday, January 7, 2015

On how bears and I are more alike than you'd think.

So you guys, I’ve been wearing yoga pants, showering periodically, and binge-watching “Kourtney and Khloe take the Hamptons” while CB sleeps and hopes he wakes up to a better wife for the last two weeks. I’m not proud of myself, but it’s what Becky on Vacation looks like. Also, she sleeps a lot. And doesn’t really cook much. And makes to-do lists and then decides that those are for when she goes back to work and “has to be productive.”

It’s a vicious cycle and I’m glad that January is here so I can get myself back. Except then I started to worry that maybe this is actually me, and the rest of the year I’m just pretending to be a responsible adult who wears pants with buttons and the actual me is someone who gives up and eats sour patch kids and knows way too much about Scott Disick. I’M NOT A WELL WOMAN.

Which is why I didn’t blog on Monday. Because going back to work was like being a bear whose been hibernating all winter and has to squint and find food immediately. I mean, more or less. I certainly ate like a pre-hibernating bear over the holidays, so the metaphor is closer than one might think.

ANYWAY. This is just basically a really long, run-on blog about why I DIDN’t blog over the holiday (but, c’mon, did we expect that? We know me, people) OR on Monday. But now I’m back. With not very many stories since I was asleep/in a food coma most of the time? But since we’re in the midst of packing, you KNOW I’ll have some stories for you in the coming days. Mainly because when I say that “we’re” in the midst of packing, I mean that CB is in the midst of packing and I’m more….managing the packing. You know “yes, please pack those books,” “Yes, you can pack those glasses but not those plates” or “did you pack my oatmeal? I’m hungry.” (that happened twice.)

I’M THE WORST. But I’m coming back to normal life, and so CB probably won’t divorce me before February.

Happy Wednesday! 

Monday, January 5, 2015

I forgot to blog! #fail

I'm so sorry. I totally meant to blog today and then all of a sudden, I didn't. But I have great reasons, which really basically revolve around me forgetting and being sleepy since I haven't been at work in two weeks and I forgot how to be an adult on a Monday.

At the moment, just stick with me the archives? I know, I know, I suck.

Happy Monday!