Monday, March 30, 2015

Blog housekeeping and the Best Conversation I've Ever Had with My Husband

First, a few housekeeping notes:

  •  LET’S GO SPARTANS! (applies only to those of you who care. Which should be everyone.)
  • I did not, in turns out, win the Bloggie Award for Best Humor Blog 2015. However, I also forgot that the announcement would be made, and then got a bunch of very sweet emails from you guys saying I was robbed. Which obviously I totally agree with, except not really, since I still can’t believe I made it into the Top 5! And the Bloggess didn’t win that category either, and so – can I really complain? THANK YOU, though, for voting and nominating me in the first place! It was a very cool experience. And maybe next year I’ll know it’s happening! But probably not.


And now, to a conversation I had with CB on Friday that basically made me laugh so hard that I had to brace myself against the counter because the baby doesn’t like it when I laugh too hard because then I don’t breathe a lot.

Me: “Guess what’s on DVR for us to watch this weekend?
CB: “I’m going to assume something by Shonda Rhimes?”
Me: “Yes! Scandal AND Grey’s Anatomy!”
CB: “Lucky me.”
Me: “Which one do you want to watch first?”
CB, thinking.
Me: “I think we should watch Grey’s first because remember how maybe Derek cheated?”
CB: “Right, but he definitely cheated because, why would you fly home if you didn’t do anything wrong?”
Me: “True. Except maybe he just wanted to explain the misunderstanding?”
CB: “No, any guy would just do that over the phone if he didn’t have anything to explain. Plus, it’s the last season, so of course he cheated, that’s an easy way to end the show.”
Me: “Oh my God, quit saying it’s the last season! You’re literally the only one who says that and you KEEP saying it! I think it’s wishful thinking.”
CB, laughing.
Me: “Plus, you’re just mad that Lexie’s not on anymore after she died in that plane crash.”
CB: “I mean, I wouldn’t even know she used to be on the show if you didn’t have to DVR every repeat! But yeah, she was cute.”
Me: “They’re all cute.”
CB: “Which is another reason that show is ridiculous. NO staff of doctors looks like those people, male or female.”
Me: “But I wish they did.”

Silence.

Me: “I still don’t understand why you didn’t like Mark Sloan.”
CB: “Which one is he?”
Me: “He’s the other one you didn’t know existed until repeats who died in the plane crash. McSteamy.”
CB: “Oh right. There’s a McDreamy and a McSteamy. This is totally a realistic show.”
Me: “ You’re just jealous because he got to make out with Lexie.”
CB: “But he was such a jerk. No woman would actually take him back.”
Me: “Untrue. There are a lot of dumb women out there.”
CB: “He was just such a jerk. ‘I love you, I want you back, but I’m going to be a childish jerk about it.’”
Me, laughing.

Silence.

CB, staring at me totally seriously: “Beck, I swear to God, I’ve never hated you more. I can’t believe we just had that entire conversation.”


And then he walked out of the room while I laughed for literally three minutes straight. 

Friday, March 27, 2015

Friday Wrapup

Let's get to it!

***

This week's book is a throwback, of sorts, because it was posted by my sister a few year's back. But since my dad and CB can't update the blog ALL the time, I thought I'd do a little digging because there are some gems on there! So, check out "Helping Me Help Myself" by Beth Lisick and then perhaps do what I did and browse a bit - I forget about all of the good books out there sometimes!

***

You guys, I did something I'm pretty ashamed of, but I have to come clean: while in San Francisco on business, I watched TWO EPISODES of "The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills" and then watched TWO HOURS on the plane of a season wrapup of a show I've never seen before called "Vanderpump Rules."

I've never seen RHOBH before, but apparently that's the abbreviation people in the know use? To be fair, I've never seen any of the Real Housewives shows. Not because I'm above it (though I want to be), but because I'm too busy watching repeats of "The Golden Girls" and "Gilmore Girls" before heading to bed at 8pm.

But when you're in a hotel and there's no channel guide, and the first channel you recognize after all of the Hotel ads is Bravo, you just stick to it so you can eat your Subway sandwich in a comfy king sized bed. It's what adults do, people!

And when you're trapped on a 6 hour flight across the country and you're pregnant, stuck against the window, and afraid to keep asking the two people next to you to get up so you can pee again, you get yourself involved in the lives of people who need to spend time in a dark box alone for years so they can think about how awful they are and what they're lives have become.

Which is why I love Nick Kroll. His parody of everything I just watched this week was eerily spot on. And if you've ever, ever turned on the Bravo network (or E!), you will appreciate this as well.

I think I have PTSD.


***

And now, the Video of the Week.

YOU GUYS. It's March Madness (do you care?). And MSU is in the Sweet Sixteen, going up against Oklahoma tonight. Um, except clearly they don't know they're target audience since the game is on at 10:07 pm! As I said to CB "I'm going to have to take a nap so I can make it through the first half!"

But I will do everything in my power to watch - but only if it seems to be working. If they start losing, I will take one for the team and go to bed so as not to jinx them from getting into the Elite 8.

Let's go Spartans!



Wednesday, March 25, 2015

A Quick Conversations from Cohabitation

Sorry I’ve been MIA, guys – had a work trip on the west coast and just getting back to the land of the living. But here’s a quick conversations from cohabitation to keep you occupied until Friday’s wrapup!

So last week I had to go to the doctor for a baby checkup and was in the actual labor and delivery wing of the hospital where little BC will be born. And it was terrifying, so I texted CB:

Me: “BTW, in labor and delivery and have been laying here for more than an hour and can hear a woman next door in labor. Um….uh oh.”
CB: “Haha jeez! Maybe she’s having triplets?”
Me: “Nope. I asked. And she has an epidural!”
CB (being sarcastic): “Tell her to stop being dramatic.”
Me: “I think someone is stabbing her.”
CB: “Yeah, stabbing her with parenthood.”



Happy Wednesday!

Friday, March 20, 2015

Friday Wrapup

Let’s get to it!

***

Happy Spring, everyone! But don’t get too excited, Spring hasn’t officially sprung until, like, 6-something tonight. Which is why snow is currently in the forecast for my lunch hour.

I’ll miss you too, winter, but quit being so needy – it’s unbecoming!

***

This week’s book is “After Dark” by Haruki Murakami, who we’ve blogged about before because we like him. And you should too (pressure!). Or not. But either way, you should check out the review here and browse around for other spring reading inspiration!

***

This is the original patent for toilet paper.
Debate settled. FOREVER. 

EXACTLY, people, this is what I’m talking about! (and yes, if I go to your house and you’re an “under” house? I change your role while I’m in the bathroom. YOU'RE WELCOME.)

***

You guys, I’m never doing this, so don’t even bother tagging me if you do it on Facebook. Click here

However, I will voluntarily eat a bag of Twizzlers if you promise I don’t have to share.

***


And now, the Video of the Week. This one is for CB, plus it’s one of my favorite DMB songs AND came on Pandora this morning, making me happy. So it’s the winner! 


Monday, March 16, 2015

Did you Vote?

Not a real post warning!

But in case you missed the blog a few weeks ago, click here for the insanity of the news that Stories About My Underpants has been nominated as one of the Top Humor Blogs. I KNOW. But I don't care if it was a mistake, we're taking it, you guys!

And if you haven't and are inclined to vote, please do! Click here, vote in the Top Humor category, and then check out some of the other categories that include favorite bloggers of mine (Tanktronic and Skinnytaste among them!)

Thank you!!

Friday, March 13, 2015

Friday Wrapup

Let's get to it!

***

You guys! Guilt and public pressure works! CB has written his first of what I hope is many book reviews. So go on over to the book blog or click here to check out his thoughts on Stephen King's 11/22/63. It's not the first review on this book, but it's CB's first, and so let's show some love. Plus, it gives my dad a break for a week, which is always nice.

Enjoy! (thanks, CB!)

***

Um, no thanks to CB, I woke up to this email and accompanying photo this morning:

Subject: You on my side!!!!

The charge: Your foot is actually HANGING off the edge of MY side of the bed.
I rest my case, your honor.
GUILTY!!!

I am a vision. 

You see, this is months in the making. Almost every morning CB will re-tell tales (lies) about how I completely take over the bed and, when he goes to get in, he has "one tiny corner or you get mad at me."

Lies.

However, I will confess that since this baby has continued to grow, sleeping has become more challenging (and apparently I sleep on my back now?) and mama needs her room!

But....ok. This is a bit extreme. I'll give him that.

***

CB and I saw this on the news this morning (ok, so it's not actually news, but it's adorable...and that seems to be enough?) And the first thing that came to mind was "this is sort of what it's like when CB comes home and I want to hang out and he's like 'um, I just saw you 8 hours ago.'" And then I go and sleep on his side to get back at him.




***

And now, the Video of the Week.

I first discovered Pentatonix when they covered the Evolution of Beyonce (obviously). And every once in a while, I check in to see what they're up to.

This is awesome. Enjoy!




Happy Friday!

Wednesday, March 11, 2015

Conversations from Cohabitation

So the other day we were sitting around talking about the names we’ve picked out for the baby, both boy and girl. And while we have a backup boy name just in case – as CB puts it – “He doesn’t look at all like a __________(fill in the blank)”, we don’t have a backup girl name. 

Which is totally fine with me, because I love the names we’ve picked out and babies look half-baked when they come out anyway, and so they’ll look like whatever we name it? Is my theory. Mother of the year. 

However, apparently my mother-in-law doesn’t agree and is stressing about it on our behalf. And so she and CB sat on their phones looking up Irish girl names while I ate goldfish crackers and wondered when I could nap.

MIL: “What about Maeve?”
Me: “Like Maeve Binchy? She wrote ‘Circle of Friends.’”
MIL: “Um, ok. I just think it’s pretty.”
Me: “No.”

Silence.

CB: “Nora?”
Me: “There’s already a Nora on my side of the family, my cousin’s daughter. It’s cute. But no.”

Silence.

MIL: “Chloe?”
Me: “It’s cute…but no.”
CB: “Ciara?”
Me: “Like Ciara the singer? No.”
MIL: “Sophie?”
Me: “Cute, but no.”
CB: “Shannon?”
Me: “No.”
MIL: “Jade?”                                                                                                                   
Me: “Um, no.”                                                                                                                 
CB: “Orla?”
Me: “You’re clearly just messing with me. And no.”

Silence.

Me: “I like Claire. But not more than I like what we already have. So no.”

Silence.

MIL: “Blaire?”
Me: “Like from The Facts of Life?”
MIL, looking confused, looking at CB for help, then me: “Uh, what?”
Me: “You know, The Facts of Life, the 80s tv show?”
MIL, blank stare.
Me, to CB: “You know The Facts of Life!”
CB: “Yeah, but I don’t know what their names were.”
Me, singing: “You take the good you take the bad you take ‘em both and there you have the facts of life…the facts of life!”
MIL: “Um…what does that have to do with Blair?”
Me: “Blair! She was the blonde, snotty one. And there was Jo, the tomboy, Natalie, the funny one, and Tutti, the one on rollerskates.”
MIL: “Oh yeah, I know what you’re talking about now. I didn’t realize her name was Blair.”

Silence.

MIL: “So…..”Me: “No.”MIL: “I think I’m going to swtich over to looking at dinner r├ęcipes for the week. This is exhausting.”
CB: “Welcome to my life.”

Monday, March 9, 2015

For Preston

I’ve had a lot of incredible experiences in my life. But one of the most impactful, shaping, and lasting is the time that I spent at The State News in college. I learned more in that newsroom in three years than in most of the classrooms on the entire campus (sorry, mom and dad) and made friends that are with me to this day for the biggest and smallest moments of this crazy life. 

And while we may be far and wide now as we carry on outside of Student Services and The Peanut Barrel, we are a close-knit tribe that relentlessly supports and cheers on one another every step of the way.

Well, one of the biggest hearts of that tribe has passed away after a heroic and incredibly long battle with her own. Preston was a kind, fiercely loyal, and eternally optimistic soul who even went so far as to faithfully support this little blog.

So, since the State News produced far better writers than I, I’m dedicating this post to Jen Preston in the way we do, in the words of just some of that tribe....

(sorry, I know the font is small)



Friday, March 6, 2015

Friday Wrapup

Let's get to it!

***

First, thanks to all of you who have posted, re-posted, and voted for the Bloggie Awards! If you haven't and want to, click here (Most Humorous Blog...I know, it doesn't make a lot of sense, right?)

***

I'm going to use this blog to try and bully CB into posting for the first time on the family book blog, because he's been ZOOMING through books, and I'm still struggling to stay awake until 8pm. And so.....help me bully my husband, you guys!

Oh yeah, and also, no book posts this week because I'm the worst.

***

Does it make me a bad mom-to-be that this makes me laugh?


If my baby only stops crying when it hears Beyonce, I will know it's truly from my purest DNA.

***

For your weekly dose of "that looks Photoshopped, but it's not", click here. That's a weasel riding a woodpecker. Because why the hell not?

***

Sorry, guys, but I have to put this song as the Video of the Week today even though I'm pretty sure it made its debut more than a year or two ago. Because basically CB is married to me, and for that, he should be hugged often.

Just yesterday he came out in the snow and "state of emergency" conditions to get me from work, went back out later to get pasta sauce because "pasta with chicken sounds good," and then went back out into the snow when I said that I needed something caffeinated (doctor's orders) because my migraine was getting so bad.

Also, that pasta with chicken thing? I started making it but, because my migraine was getting so bad it hurt to be up-right with my eyes open, I walked away from the chicken as it was cooking and was like "I can't do this, I'm going to be sick" and just ran into the bathroom. And he was like "wait, so should I throw the chicken out because this is one of those pregnancy things that you can't have in the house anymore, or do you want me to finish cooking it?"

I mean, that was only, like, 4 hours of his life, you guys. He lives in discomfort of The Unknown better than anyone I know.

Thank you, CB. I owe you big time (I'll give you a kid or something in a few months - deal?)




Wednesday, March 4, 2015

A Breezy Kind of Type A

So I have spent my life assuming that I’m pretty breezy. You know, not letting things get to me, get me down, or really even noticing most of what goes on. Because being oblivious and being breezy sometimes are interchangeable, I’m not sure if you knew that.  

Anyway. I pretty much thought this until a few years ago, when CB came into the picture on his actual breezy, patient horse, and started referring to me as Type A. Which I’m pretty sure he meant as a sort-of compliment, but I took it to heart because all I knew was that Reese Witherspoon, Beth, and Courtney have described themselves as Type A, and at least two of those people care way more about germs than I do. Reese and I haven’t spoken in real life yet, so I can’t confirm her status on sanitizer.

And so I eventually googled Type A and Type B personalities, just so I could prove CB wrong (in a breezy, totally don’t really care sort of way) and came across these definitions:

Type A
The theory describes "Type A" individuals as ambitious, rigidly organized, highly status-conscious, sensitive, impatient, take on more than they can handle, want other people to get to the point, anxious, proactive, and concerned with time management. People with Type A personalities are often high-achieving "workaholics" who multi-task, push themselves with deadlines, and hate both delays and ambivalence. It is therefore understood that "Type A" personalities are suited to smoking as a mechanism for relieving stress.

Type B
The theory describes "Type B" individuals as a contrast to those with Type A personalities. People with Type B personality by definition generally live at a lower stress level and typically work steadily, enjoying achievement but not becoming stressed when they do not achieve. They may be creative and enjoy exploring ideas and concepts. They are often reflective.

Well, there you have it. Clearly not Type A, you guys – I’ve never been a smoker and my mechanism for relieving stress is making lists and organizing my sock drawer. #You’vebeenserved,Wikipedia.

Also, Type B sounds like the people who don’t seem to be bothered by things like deadlines, returning emails, or wearing shoes at work – all things that annoy me to the point of distraction on a day-to-day basis.  

Which is when it hit me: I don’t know myself at all.

However, luckily I’m married to someone who totally does, and so it’s helpful when he points out things and makes them sound funny instead of insane.

You see, CB has started compiling a list that he likes to call “The List” (being creative is one of the five things he’s good at). It consists of people that I apparently get slightly annoyed with and mention to him every day  once in a while. Like the girl who lived above us and wore heeled shoes ALL OF THE TIME indoors. I began referring to her as Tenderfoot and couldn’t focus on my favorite tv shows when she was busy walking around with her shoes on her in own home. It was distracting, and apparently so was I, as I’d point the noise out to CB who was like “Oh, I hadn’t noticed.”

HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE.

Or the girl in my office who walks around with her cell phone in-hand ALL OF THE TIME – when she’s walking through the halls, when she’s making coffee, when she’s going into the bathroom – it’s distracting and somehow intensely irritating to me. However, CB doesn’t quite understand why this would bother me.

Me: “Because it’s unprofessional.”
CB: “Ok, but how is she actually impacting your day?”
Me: “By being annoying.”
CB: “Right. But….maybe just don’t let it bother you so much?”
Me: “It’s like you don’t know me at all. I literally can’t even focus on my task at hand when I see her with her phone, texting and not even watching where she’s going.”
CB: “You have spent a lot of your energy being annoyed by her and she probably doesn’t even know it.”
Me: “Because she’s too busy texting! This is exactly my point.”

Or the girl in my office who decides sometimes just not to wear shoes and, instead, walks around the halls with her socks on. To the point that I actually thought I would shame her into realizing she doesn’t work in a barn (where you should also definitely wear shoes, FYI) and was like “Ooops! You don’t have any shoes on!” and she was like “Oh yeah, it’s way more comfortable that way.”

Um yes, and so are pajama pants, but I refrain from wearing mine to the actual office because we are adult professionals.

CB: “Yeah, that’s weird that she’s not wearing shoes.”
Me: “Weird? WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?”
CB: “Again, though – how does this affect you?”
Me: “It’s just bad precedent. And weird behavior!”
CB: “God I couldn’t even imagine if you were her manager.”
Me: “I’d put her on probation.”
CB: “Without warning?”
Me: “I mean, ok, I’d probably give her a verbal warning. But you shouldn’t have to warn someone to PUT THEIR SHOES ON.”
CB: “You’re getting loud.”

And then yesterday, I had this exchange with a friend as we were walking into the gym.

Me: “Did you see that girl at the counter when we were checking in?”
AK: “Yeah, why?”
Me: “She’s my least favorite person in this gym.”
AK: “I can’t wait to hear this.”
Me: “She leaves all of her stuff all over the locker room, treating the woman who brings in and folds the towels like her maid. She leaves her wet towels just laying on the floor, takes up the entire bench with her giant bag and stuff, and won’t make room for you if you have a locker next to her. I legitimately spend a lot of time while here thinking about how rude she is and how I wouldn’t want to know her in real life.”
AK: “And do you sometimes glare at her? Because she gave us a look as we approached.”
Me: “Maybe. I can’t help my glare-face sometimes. But also, she just looks like that, I think.”
AK: “I love hearing your list of people you can’t stand.”

But anyway, I’ve digressed slightly. The point here is that I didn’t know this about myself. I didn’t know that I was Type A, I didn’t know that I was easily bothered by things others don’t even notice, and I didn’t know that I spend most of my days exhausting myself over things that have zero effect on me at all. It's difficult to be Type A and have ADHD all at the same time, you guys. 

Which is why I’m such a sleepy person, is what I've explained over and over to CB, and so we should really all just marvel that I’m awake as long as I am. Because now that no-shoe-wearer is walking around, I’m barely keeping it together.


Happy Wednesday! 

Monday, March 2, 2015

Wait, what?

So you guys. I got a phone call yesterday from a fellow friend and blogger who was like "Hey, congrats on being a top five finalist for the most humorous blogs" and I was like "Wait, what?" And obviously thought it was a joke and didn't look into it for several hours.

And then I was like "Wait, WHAT?" Because it turns out that it's actually true.

I KNOW.


Though, if we're being honest, it's kind of the only way I could ever be a part of something like this - by not being a part of it at ALL. I mean, I'm totally oblivious with most things, but c'mon, Beck, get it together!

I knew that the nominating process was happening (by reading other people's blogs), but I was like "Oh, that's awesome! I can't wait to see who wins!" and then never thought of nominating myself, or asking you guys to do it. Because I'm terrible at this?

But whatever, I basically feel like I've won already, and not even in a fake "it's just an honor to be nominated" speech that will hate spiral me into depression if/when I don't win. Because my blog is next to The Bloggess, you guys. Which kind of gave me a touch of the vapors, I'm not gonna lie.

Also, I want to thank my fellow blogger and nominee over at Tanktronic who has always been a big supporter of this little blog. So let's send the love back his way. He's nominated in the "Best Kept Secret" category, so help get the secret out!

Alright, so now that I know that this is happening and I should apparently be involved - and ONLY if you want to (you totally want to) - please head on over (by clicking here) and vote for Stories About My Underpants in the "Most Humorous Weblog" category (#nuts), as well as Tanktronic....and in the food category, Skinnytaste. It's not an exaggeration to say that everything I have cooked and continue to cook in the last 18 months has come from her blog and/or cookbook. It's AMAZING, you guys.

And then you can feel good about yourselves that you've accomplished something today that required almost no effort. Which is how I like to count my accomplishments so that I have more things on the list. It's what the most successful people do.

Thank you so much for supporting this blog for the last four years, and thank you UNIVERSE for being like "oh, you think you might have to blog less because your life is so busy and important? THINK AGAIN, lady!"

Message received.