Thanksgiving Eve!

I'll be back in full force (finally!) on Monday, but I just wanted to say that I'm thankful for all of you! Thankful that you stop by to read each week, thankful that you tell your friends, and thankful that you share your crazy stories with me.

Happy Thanksgiving to you and your family! See you Monday!

Monday Funday?

So, I let you all down on Friday by not blogging a wrapup. But I had a very good reason! I was busy doing other things and the first time I had a chance it was, like, 4pm and I was like "Nobody is reading this blog on Friday at 4." So I went home and ordered pizza and watched DVR with CB instead and you guys were like "She's a terrible blogger."

I'm sorry!

Well, I'm making it up to you now - better late than never, right? So let's get to it!

***

In a shocking move seen coming by no one, I didn't mention my birthday here on the blog at all, which was very strange and unlike me and I even surprised myself. But, lucky for me (and, let's get real, him), CB still understood that birthdays are A BIG DEAL, PEOPLE and bought everything in the pink aisle of Party City.

I'm a terrible photographer who knows nothing about lighting.
But I was so excited that there was no time to turn on lights!
There was a birthday banner! And pink flower puffs!
And pink lantern streamers! 

And then I walked into the bedroom and was like "It'll be like
sleeping on clouds!"
And CB was like "Or it'll be terrifying when we pop them in our
sleep."

Best.

Even Oliver got in on the celebration!

CB is simply the best there is. Sorry, rest of the world.

***

This week's Book of the Week is a throwback to 2010. Some of you may have read "World War Z" or seen the movie earlier this year...but in the spirit of Thanksgiving, I thought I'd throw in some zombies (obviously).

But seriously - zombies aren't really my thing and also, they're not even that scary because they're un-dead and can't move that fast! If you can't out-run a zombie, worry less about the Zombie Apocalypse and more about your overall physical fitness.

I'm just saying.

Anyway, click here to check out the short and sweet review - and take special note of the Tori Spelling reference. My family just can't help themselves.

***

So, a friend of mine is trying to spread the word about her Kickstarter campaign to fund an awesome mobile app called CurrantNOW. It is designed to help people, utility companies, and government municipalities communicate efficiently during times of disaster and crisis, like what was experienced during Super Storm Sandy.

My friend Denise is the founder of Currant Inc., a socially minded tech start-up and the goal of the campaign is to raise $15,000 in 30 days so people everywhere can document the stunning events they witness during natural disasters and other emergencies.

If you're interested in learning more or helping the campaign, please click here for more information. And thanks!

***

And now, the Video of the Week.

This song was playing as I walked through the door on Friday afternoon because, as previously mentioned, CB is the best there is. Also, you can't not start your weekend off right (or your week, for that matter!) when it is playing! So........enjoy! And Happy Monday-slash-Thanksgiving Week everyone!

Baby (doesn't got) back. So I'm becoming an entrepreneur

So, other than getting peed on by a dog while trying to avoid getting peed on by a woman on the sidewalk in New Orleans, nothing very blog-worthy happened while I was away on business.

However, yesterday CB and I were out running errands on my lunch break and I kept trying to subtly pull my underpants up while keeping my outerpants where they were. Which prompted CB to pretend like he didn’t know me and I was like “But there’s something seriously wrong with all of my underpants!”

And then he proceeded to tell me that maybe it was time to buy new ones because we have this conversation ALL OF THE TIME, but then we forgot because I got sidetracked by trying to convince him that we “really really need” glitter holiday candles from HomeGoods (apparently, as it turns out, we do not).

Anyway, a few hours later we both decided that it would be beneficial to all parties involved if I invested in underpants suspenders, which I think is a genius idea. So I googled it, and one of the first things that came up was an ebay ad for Dog Pants Suspenders.

Obviously I clicked to see more and then was both entertained and saddened that they have dog pants suspenders but no underpants suspenders for humans who lack the back to hold up their undergarments.

This seems entirely necessary. 

And so now I’m going to start a new business venture and apply for a patent because there’s nothing that could possibly go wrong with this idea.

Happy Wednesday, everyone! 

Friday Wrapup

It's Friday! Let's get to it.

***

First of all, brace yourselves: I'll be traveling tomorrow through Monday evening, so there won't be a Monday post.

I KNOW! How will you survive?

But don't fret, I'm pretty sure that spending a weekend in New Orleans working will lead to some colorful stories for next week, so stay tuned! Although, most of the color will likely come from me sitting in my hotel room after 8 hours of work, wearing a bathrobe, and watching "Catfish." But that's something, right?

***
Obviously I'm stealing this idea. Get ready, CB.

***

There's no book blog this week because we're all slackers. So, you tell me - what are you reading? Something that should make its way to the blog sometime soon? Let me know!

***

I don't know why, but I can't stop watching this and laughing.

***
So, CB's last day of work is today after some restructuring at his company and them obviously not knowing what's good for 'em. And so last night there was a great send-off in his honor, which obviously included shots in the shape of his first initial. But of course.

Spoiler Alert! His real name isn't CB.

He has worked there for 8 years and has made some lifelong friends - and even got a soon-to-be wife out of the deal! Not too shabby.

But I'd be remiss not to mention it here because this place has been such a big part of both of our lives for such a long time, and really it's the people that make it what it is. The friends and co-workers who showed up last night - plus some family! - is a testament both to the caliber of people we're lucky enough to be surrounded by, but also who CB is and how much he's loved. It was really humbling to be a part of and made me happy for our future and what is in store for his next career move!

Stay tuned because it's gonna' be a fun ride!

***

So, without further ado - and though it's been a Video of the Week before - here you go, CB. We got this!

Happy Friday! Have a great weekend, everyone!

Becoming Olivia Pope: a step-by-step guide.

Ok, so I know I didn’t post yesterday and I’m sorry about that. But I’m very busy and important, people. OR, I didn’t know what day it was because they’ve all been blurring together this week. But more likely, it’s just that I’m very busy and important.

Speaking of which, I’m pretty sure an air-tight alibi for that statement is in the following story:

So, a few weeks ago, I was dutifully watching my DVR’d “Scandal” on a Saturday morning prior to CB waking up so that I could covet Olivia Pope’s wine glasses and her cozy apartment sweaters on my own time. It’s called relaxing, people.

Anyway, there was a scene in which the first lady (on the show) had some stellar hand close-ups and I was like “Wow, even though I don’t like her, I adore her choice in nail polish.” Also, I’m not entirely sure what happened next in that scene because then I started googling “First Lady on Scandal’s nail polish.”

As people who are busy and important do.

Shockingly – and maybe kind of sadly? – there were, like, one billion options to choose from! And so, after confirming that it was, indeed, Spaghetti Strap by Essie that I had to call my own, I hopped on over to Amazon and placed my order. Then I un-paused the show so I could see if there was anything else I needed to purchase in order to get closer to maybe ever meeting Noel from “Felicity” whose name on “Scandal” I can never remember because he distracts me by taking his shirt off and doing push-ups.

Do we even need to start listing all of the
potential ways in which this is immensely cool? 

 Oh, also, if you don’t watch “Scandal,” I apologize that you read this entire post.

Happy Thursday, everyone! 

Great, now I'm stressed.

So last night I was like “I’m having anxiety about working for the next 12 days straight and so let’s not watch ‘Homeland’ and, instead, just go read and relax so I can bank some sleep/relaxing time before the next two weeks. Hurry! Let’s go relax!” And CB was like “I live with a crazy person.”

Which is fair because I do also open the windows in the winter and then turn the heat on. But that’s more just being a poor conservationist and really has nothing to do with being crazy.

Underneath this cool exterior is
just a growing anxiety that my glasses are
too big for my face.

However, when I settled in to do my reading so I could sleep for 10 hours, I started realizing that I pre-panic about events that haven’t happened yet so that my hyper-vigilance can stop any potential drowsiness or un-planned anxiety. Basically, I panic so I don’t have to panic later. Which just leads to panicking later about whatever upcoming events I’d like to pre-panic about.

And then I realized that I basically live my life in a perpetual state of low-to-mid-level anxiety about big and small things, which is oddly comforting because I’m all about consistency.  

For example, and in no particular order, I will feel anxious about any of the following things on a given day:

The bed getting made

We’ve gone over this before, you guys. If I die, I don’t want people to think I wasn’t a good housekeeper and/or was too lazy to make my own bed. So basically, we never leave the house without first making the bed because now CB just wants the bed made so that when he kills me for being crazy, people won’t judge him for also living with a slob. Obviously.

Sleeping

I sometimes (always) feel anxious about sleeping too late. Which is why my body wakes me up every day, weekend or not, at 6:50 every morning. I then lay there on said weekends and think “I’m going to be breezy and just roll over to sleep some more.” And so I roll over and immediately start thinking of all of the relaxing I could be doing on the couch, catching up on the DVR’d shows CB doesn’t like to watch, and drinking my coffee in my cozy pj’s. I basically spend ten minutes envisioning a Folgers commercial so awesome that I contemplate filming myself being so laid back and cozy.

And so then I get up and make breakfast and drink my coffee and watch half a show before I realize that I should probably just be cleaning the apartment and/or grocery shopping and/or working out so I can get it all done before noon so I can relax. Which almost never happens because, by noon, I’ve thought of 12 more things that probably should just go ahead and get done while I have all of this relaxing free time on my hands.

Not sleeping

This gets me pretty much every day, which is why I usually am in bed by 9pm every night so I can stave off the anxiety I will inevitably feel if I stay up past 10:30 and only get 8.5 hours of sleep. Because then I’ll be tired tomorrow and nobody wants to be around me when I’m tired – and not being liked causes me stress - and so I should probably just get to bed by 7:30 to be on the safe side.

Travel

I travel, on average, every other month for my job. Which would lead one to think that maybe I’d get used to it being a part of my life, but literally every single time, in anticipation of such travel, I become the Stress Police, making sure I’m as vigilant as possible about the upcoming travel – flight information, what I’ll be doing on the trip, and how much rest I will or will not be getting. And then I start projecting upon myself the potential lack of rest/normal routine approximately two weeks before the trip, which leads CB to not ever reconsider spending the rest of his life with me and also never look up the phone number to the local high-security psych ward.

Anxiety about anxiety

I definitely stress over stressing too much. I think about how I could “just relax, already” and really enjoy whatever activity I may be doing at any given time. But then if I do that, I’ll likely forget all of the other things I need to get done during this time of fun or relaxation and that will cause added anxiety in the coming days when I’m playing catch up. And so I need to keep a low-level stress machine attached to my brain at every waking moment just so I don’t cause extra stress by not stressing enough in the now.

Which obviously makes sense.

Right?

Oh great, now I’m stressed out that this is weird. Am I alone here, people?

Happy Monday! 

Friday Wrapup

It's that time, people! Let's get to it.

***

First of all, you people rock. I got a number of videos sent to me this week (some from CB and Cousin Nikki!) that absolutely had to go on here. I love it when you guys send me videos or stories to include on here, so keep 'em coming! (oh, and for those of you still having trouble viewing them on your apple devices, I'm working on it!)

Anyway, here's one that made me smile. Sometimes New Yorkers get a bad rap, but this is a great reminder that we're not all that bad. (also, when the newscaster pronounces "yarmulke" incorrectly, I laughed out loud. We've all been there, too.)

***

Now, the book of the week. The moment you've all been waiting for, people! I've reviewed Tori Spelling's new book. Oh my god, click here because you just can't take the suspense! I'll wait.

Welcome back! Anyway, feel free to peruse the rest of the site for some great book recommendations to cozy up with now that the weather is turning cold!

***

Um, if this doesn't make you smile, you have a cold, dead heart.

Deborah Cohan was heading into surgery a few days ago for a double mastectomy. Cohan, an Ob/Gyn and mom of two, held a dance party with her medical team in the operating room of Mt. Zion Hospital in San Francisco.

Dancing along to Beyonce’s hit “Get Me Bodied,” Cohan requested that friends and family make videos of themselves dancing to Beyonce, too, so that she could watch them during her recovery. Um, that would certainly help me recover, Deb - amazing!

You can check out videos of Deborah’s fans shaking their booties in solidarity on her CaringBridge page.

***

And speaking of Beyonce.....here's the awesome mash-up Video of the Week. 

Best best best. Happy Friday, everyone! Enjoy your weekend! 

And then I got judged while buying my wedding dress.

So do you guys remember when I went wedding dress shopping a few months back and had to be naked in front of a stranger? (click here to recapture those memorable moments.) Well, after that experience – and sticker shock that someone would ask me to spend more on a dress I’ll wear for 9 hours than I’d spend on a really fun vacation somewhere not in New Jersey  -    I decided that I needed to regroup.

You see, to put it mildly, I hate shopping - which is odd given my penchant for anything that sparkles. I mean, my aesthetic is somewhere between Vegas Lounge Act and a princess, but I tone it down day-to-day so people think I’m normal when I’m at work.

So you’d assume that wedding dress shopping would be right up my alley. I mean, you can go as poufy and as princess-y as you want and it’s socially acceptable even though it’s not Halloween and/or you’re not five. But there’s something about Group Shopping that has always given me flop sweat, and so after narrowing it down to the style I wanted via Kleinfeld’s - and not being put on tv, inexplicably -  I decided to start doing some reconnaissance of my own at a price I could afford-slash-wouldn’t require a second job.

So, for weeks after my first trip, people would ask how it was going and I’d sort of vaguely respond with something about white dresses and corsets and change the subject. Meanwhile, I’d slip into a boutique here or there on my lunch hour, see what I liked, and then think. I priced things out, took mental pictures of any hint of back fat, and would then mull over my options some more.

But after several weeks of this, I arrived at a moment when I decided TODAY WAS THE DAY. I was going to buy my dress. However, I didn’t mention it to anyone because (a) I didn’t want anyone to come with me and (b) there was really just the one reason.

However, when I got to the store I realized that perhaps my aversion to group shopping was about to backfire. No longer did I look like an independent bride who knew what she wanted. Instead, I looked like a lonely cat lady who didn’t have any friends or family with her for what was supposedly one of the Big Moments in wedding preparation.

But whatever -  my strong sense of self, combined with an even stronger threshold for humiliation, powered me forward. As I went through the racks to find the dresses I wanted, women were fluttering around me talking to each other about lace and taffeta and veils and high heels. They were giddy and wearing Juicy sweatpants and clutching Chanel purses and had their hair done just so. They had clearly been planning this day for months.

I, on the other hand,  hadn’t bothered to shower, or put on makeup, or, you know, bring a friend with me.

But I figured it wasn’t a big deal – it’s like buying a pair of jeans, right? You know what you want, you just want to try them on one more time to make sure you’re sure, and then you can leave.

OR, it’s a process of slow humiliation where you have to walk out in public in a wedding dress and have a stranger take your picture.

One or the other.

But let’s get real – I’ve never been one to shy away from a little slow degradation, so again, I powered forward. I picked a handful of dresses, hung them on the rack, and waited for the Wedding Dress Lady (unofficial title) to call my name and quietly lead me into the fitting room.

Which is what happened in my mind. But what happened in real life is that my name got called, I walked over to her and said “My dresses are hanging over there, should I go get them?”, she nodded, and then I realized that I couldn’t carry four giant dresses by myself because they look light and airy but are actually made out of lead.

WDL: “Candace, could you go help that lady? She doesn’t have any help.”
Me, turning red and sweating: “No, no, it’s fine, I can carry them.”
Candace: “You don’t have anyone with you?”
Me: “No, I’m here by myself.”
Candace: “All by yourself?! Girl, I’ve never heard of such a thing!”

Which I call foul on because I cannot be the first person in New York City to buy her wedding dress alone.

Can I?

Whatever. I took Candace’s judge-y help and walked into the fitting room with the WDL.

Me: “So, I’m just going to make your job really easy and tell you right now that I’m walking out of here with one of these dresses.”
WDL: “Oh yeah? You know what you want?”
Me: “I do. I’ve been shopping for weeks now. And the first time I brought my best friend and future sister in law with me, so I’m not a weirdo with no friends.”
WDL, feeling uncomfortable because of my pathetic over-share: “It’s fine, sweetie. Which one would you like to try on first?”

And so we went through two before putting on my dress. The moment it went on, I knew.

I stood there, stared, and said “Great, I’ll take it!”

WDL: “Just like that?”
Me: “Yep! This is it. Can I take a picture since I’m going to buy it?”
WDL: “Why don’t we take you out onto the pedestal where the lighting is better so the picture does the dress justice.”
Me: “No, that’s ok….”

Lady, the pedestal is where the bride’s family and friends sit to wait for you to come out so they can ‘ooh’ and ‘ahh.’ The moment I go out there they’ll be ‘oooh’ing’ and ‘ahh’ing’ and then they’ll be like “wait, where are her friends?”

But WDL insisted. And I just wanted to take the picture, be proud of myself, and get out of there. So I obliged.

I stepped out, people ooh’d, ahh’d, looked for friends and then...

“Maybe she doesn’t have any friends because she never brushes her hair?”

“Yeah, and a little under-eye makeup never killed anybody….”

(these are the mind-conversations I assumed they had. I’m pretty sure I’ve more or less nailed it.)

But because I’d come too far to turn back now, I stood on the pedestal as a stranger arranged the dress just so for the picture.

WDL: “Candace, can you come take a picture for this young lady?”

Oh good, Candace was back.

And so Candace snapped a few photos, I held my breath in anticipation of this moment being over and never having to do it again, and then got to go back into the fitting room, get measured, pay them a lot of money for a piece of clothing, and get on with my day.

However, all was not lost: I not only have the dress I’ve been dreaming about (I mean, I’m not TOTALLY un-bride-like) AND while staring at the pictures over and over, realized that I had someone rooting for me all along.

Who needs friends when you have this woman more happy
than anyone with my dress choice? See? I wasn't alone after all. 

Happy Wednesday, everyone!

Friday Wrapup!

It’s rainy and I’ve got a candy hangover. But hey, at least it’s Friday! Let’s get to it.

***

First of all, I learned a few valuable lessons last night. One, I cannot eat sugar after 6pm. I had two Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups (because OBVIOUSLY) around 8 and by 11 I was WIIIIDE awake. Which means that CB was also wide awake even though he tried not to be by not responding to me when I’d talk about how fast my heart was beating and sometimes would just will me to sleep. It did not work.

The second was that if you can talk one kid into giving you candy, they’ll all start handing it to you because little kids are dumb.

JUST KIDDING. Sort of. I mean, dumb is probably a harsh word. More like inexperienced and highly susceptible to suggestion. Which makes kids awesome.

Example: our friends’ kids came over during the trick or treating extravaganza in our building, and since they didn’t want to have seventeen pounds of candy in their own home, they were pawning it off on me. Which I promptly agreed to.

Anyway, her 2.5 year old son walked into our apartment and handed me his Reese’s, and right behind him came a little Thomas the Train guy who thought that I must be the lady he was collecting all of this candy for, and so he walked right in and tried to give me his Skittles.

Man, if I was just a little bit meaner and/or hungry, I would’ve taken it. But instead, I tried to explain to him that it was his candy and he should keep it and that he was the most adorable train I’d ever seen. And then I second-guessed myself but he was already halfway back out of our apartment because his parents realized that he maybe would get kidnapped by the lady taking candy from the little kids. So I didn’t get any Skittles. Lesson learned, self. Lesson learned.

***

This week’s book review is “The Bottoms” by Joe Lansdale and was written when my dad was feeling grumpy about mysteries. Or so he described it to me the other day when talking about the review. And then he proceeded to tell me about how, after grumpily reviewing a mystery about a serial killer (my kinda story!), he read another mystery about a serial killer.

Um, dad, something we need to know?

But apparently it was coincidental and he’s not trying to turn the book blog into a Dexter-friendly haven.

So since it’s that time of year to feel spooked, I recommend you head over to the blog by clicking here and checking it out! Also, DO NOT FEAR – “Spelling it Like It Is” by Tori Spelling showed up the other day via Amazon so you won’t have to wait too much longer for that review! Silver lining to a dreary day.

***

CB and I got a new pet. His name is Howard. He’s a pigeon that has taken refuge on our balcony, and when I first discovered him yesterday I was like “There’s a bird on our balcony. I’ve never seen a bird perch there before.” And then everyone ignored me because that’s a boring conversation.

But I woke up early this morning and looked out the window to see that he was still there! And then this conversation happened while CB was trying to take advantage of the last hour of sleep before his alarm went off.

Me: “The pigeon is still there.”
CB: “Ok.”

Silence.

Me: “I think I’m going to name him.”
CB: “Oh God.”

Silence.

Me: “I’m going to name him ‘Howard.’”
CB: “Howard? Like Howard the Duck?”
Me: “No, like Howard Hughes. Because he seems like sort of a reclusive pigeon, and Howard Hughes was a recluse.”

Silence.

An hour and a half later we were getting ready for work.

Me: “So I fed Howard.”
CB: “What?! No! Don’t feed a pigeon! Do you know how much disease they carry?”
Me: “That is not true, I Googled it. Their poop carries disease, not the actual bird.”
CB: “And what do you think the bird is going to do all over our balcony if you keep feeding it?”
Me: “We’ll be fine. He’s sweet. And it’s raining! Poor Howard.”
CB: “Oh boy….”

Then I took a picture so you guys could meet the newest member of our brood.

Howard is shy. 

***

And now, the Video of the Week. As most of you probably heard, Lou Reed passed away this week at the age of 71. Now, I must admit that I was never deep into Velvet Underground or any of Lou Reed's stuff, but I respect what he brought to the music world and know there are a lot of people feeling that void this week. 

Note: Some of you have written to tell me that you can't view the videos on your phone or iPads. This is something that I think might be an Apple issue, but I've contacted Blogger to see if I can help remedy it. Stay tuned!

Have a great weekend, everyone!