|This is not an illusion. It actually happens at my home.|
Friday, January 31, 2014
Wednesday, January 29, 2014
Me: “I mean, I just want to make sure that we’re doing whatever we can to make sure our third act is fun and productive. Because the second act is pretty awesome so far.”
CB: “What’s our third act?”
Me: “The last third of our lives. Like, the first act was 0-30, the second act is now until we’re in our 60s, and then the third act is the rest until we die.”
CB: “That’s a lovely thought…..”
CB: “Wait, how many acts are in a play?”
Me: “I think three? Maybe four? Except maybe I’m confusing that with sports.”
Me: “But I mean, the better care we take of ourselves and each other now, the better odds we have of being able to enjoy our third act!”
CB: “Wait, but your grandmother is in her 90s. What act is that?”
Me: “Her third, I guess. Or maybe her encore?”
CB, laughing: “Yeah, it seems like your third act is a lot longer than the rest.”
Me: “If we’re lucky. Or maybe we could split it into quarters, like a football game? So either way, we’re in our second something.”
CB: “You’re just excited to get to your third or fourth quarter or act because your age will finally catch up with your sleep schedule.”
Me: “It’s true. I’m going to be the best older person. I can’t wait.”
CB: “Your sleep schedule will finally make sense and my old person vernacular will finally make sense.”
Me: “We’re going to be kick ass old people.”
CB: “If someone had told me in my first quarter what was in store for me in this second quarter, I’d ask them to pull me from the game.”
Me, laughing: “I hate you.”
CB: “Pull me out, coach! I’m done! Hurry!”
Me: “Nobody in this house finds you funny.”
Me: “I know.”
Me: “I’m going to be your wife!”
CB, still staring: “Yes, yes you are….”
Me: “Sorry, I didn’t mean that in a threatening way. I’ll go back into the bedroom now.”
Monday, January 27, 2014
|Um, there was an|
actual Disney princess
getting fitted in the room
with me, you guys!
Me: “I’m definitely going to need my booty bump in this dress, aren’t I?”
Beth: “You are the only person in American who would think of that while in their wedding dress.”
Me: “Whatever, I’m not wrong.”
Beth, staring at me from every angle: “Yeah, you probably will want it.”
Me: “I rest my case.”
Friday, January 24, 2014
Wednesday, January 22, 2014
|This is what my bedroom looks like in nighttime.|
BUT, then I auto-corrected the photo and look what I got!
|I think this is a picture of my room when it's being haunted.|
Ok, first of all, that looks like daylight and there was no daylight. Second, I think those are ghost images being reflected off of my bed and floor. I mean, I'm no ghost expert, but I'm pretty sure. So I'm 99% positive that CB and I are being haunted, but likely by nice ghosts? Because I have pleasant dreams and also always feel cheery and well-rested when I wake up. Thanks, ghosts!
Friday, January 17, 2014
I'm late, I'm late. Let's get to it!
You guys. I have a friend who hates pandas.
This was an exchange we had yesterday, which literally came out of nowhere, because people who hate pandas make no sense.
Friend who hates pandas: I hate panda bears because they are stupid and evolution would have killed them years ago except that we as a culture have decided they're adorable and keep them alive. I mean, these are bears that live in the mountains and only eat bamboo. That's INSANE. God doesn't want you alive.
Me: I love panda bears and you're a monster.
FWHP: You know Pandas are stupid, right? They're bears that don't eat meat, live in the freezing cold on top of a mountain, eat only bamboo which doesn't grow where they live, and then don't hibernate because they don't have enough fat storage to make it through the winter. And we're wasting tax dollars to keep them alive because they're cute. And they're not even smart. Of all the bears, they're like the dumbest.
Me: Did a panda eat your best friend when you were little or something?
FWHP: It's just a total waste of money, man. TOTAL WASTE. I'm cute and no one is keeping me alive.
And then I sent him this gif.
(ok, it wasn't exactly that one. But the one I sent him had a curse in it that would be unlady-like of me to post. So I replaced it with this adorable panda that will make him as unhappy as the other one I sent him.)
I'm disgusted with myself, and sort of with my family in general, that we have apparently thought that we had betting things to do this week than post about the books we've been reading.
Also, I'm probably the worst one because I've read three books and haven't posted about any of them. Worst blogger ever.
Sorry! But still head on over for some great reviews that happened not this week. Click here.
Ohmygod this is the best thing to ever happen to my Friday life. Remember when I had this reaction to hearing a Whitney Houston song at a wedding?
|God help everyone at our wedding when Whitney plays.|
Video of the Week. Obv. I'm sort of surprised I even had to tell you that. Happy Friday!
Thursday, January 16, 2014
Me: “I was talking to Andy yesterday on the way to the gym and he mentioned how nice the weather was. I immediately corrected him that this isn’t ‘nice.’”
CB: “There’s something seriously wrong with you.”
Me: “No. I totally love this weather – in March and April when it’s supposed to be like this. But in the winter I expect overcast and 15 degrees. That makes me happy.”
CB: “You are the craziest person I know.”
Me: “I’m serious! I mean, honestly, the best winter days are the days where it’s sunny and it’s 15 degrees and you’re like ‘Wow, what a gorgeous winter day!’”
CB: “Nobody but you feels that way.”
Me: “….and the snow is gently falling….”
CB: “You’re describing most people’s least favorite moments.”
CB: “You’re like someone who stubs their toe and hopes for pain.”
Me: “That is not even close to being the same thing.”
CB: “Yes it is. The stubbing your toe is winter. The pain is the 15 degrees and overcast.”
Me: “I see no parallels.”
CB: “I am living with an insane person.”
Me: “News alert. To no one.”
CB: “These are the attorneys?”
Me: “Yeah, why?”
CB: “It’s like a courtroom full of beauty.”
Me: “Yeah, they’re both lookers.”
CB: “I mean, the judge has to be like ‘this is my lucky day!’”
Me: “This is a fake court, you know.”
Me: “Which one do you think is prettier?”
CB, seriously contemplating and giving himself time to observe both in courtroom action: “Hmmmm….”
Me: “Or is it your stunning fiancé who currently has crouton crumbs all over her sweatshirt?”
CB: “ Yes, that’s my choice. My stunning fiancé.”
Me: “I figured.”
Me: “A crouton just fell out of my hoodie.”
CB, shaking his head. “That does not surprise me.”
Me: “How are you choosing to marry me?”
CB: “It’s like that time your neck was covered in dried chocolate and we couldn’t figure out how long it’d been there.”
Me: “I hoard old food on my body.”
CB: “That’s why I’m marrying you.”
Monday, January 13, 2014
CB: “My mom said there’s a picture of you on Facebook with Magic Johnson.”
Me, sitting up: “What? A picture of me with Magic Johnson?”
CB: “Yeah. I mean, maybe she’s confusing it with something else, but….”
Me: “How would your mom confuse a picture of me and Magic Johnson with a picture of someone else and Magic Johnson?”
CB: “I don’t know, but you seemed confused so I was trying to make you feel better.”
|I can't even talk about my haircut, you|
guys. That's for another place
and time. Also, did I think I was
interviewing him? I'm the only one with
a notebook in my hand. #coolest
CB: “I forget things from my childhood, too.”
CB: “I forget things from my childhood, too.”
Me: “What are you talking about?”
CB: “I feel like I didn’t really give you a good response when you were concerned about your memory earlier so I wanted you to know that I sometimes forget things too.”
Me: “Like meeting Magic Johnson?”
Me: “I mean, I met Magic Johnson and I forgot!”
CB: “It happens.”
Me: “You’re sweet for trying to make me feel better. But also, I’m sleepy. Shhhh.”
Friday, January 10, 2014
Wednesday, January 8, 2014
|I'll never get enough of this hat.|
|Or this moustache.|
They taught me that love means compromise. It means laughter. It means saying ‘I’m wrong’ sometimes, and actually meaning it. It means forgiveness. It means communication. It means raising kids and being united even when you totally know I would be responsible with Nintendo if you’d just give in already. It means sacrifice. It means accountability to each other. It means patience. It means sometimes going to bed angry and then making breakfast for that person the next morning anyway. It means going on walks. It means watching “Homeland” together and reading excerpts to each other from books you think they might like. It means taking alone time. It means trusting the other person with your stuff, inside and out. It means loving them even when they don’t love themselves. It means playing Scattergories and having all of the same answers because you two for real have been together forever. It means talking about the weather and listening to the same stories over and over sometimes. It means ebbing and flowing and keeping it going. It means liking each other. It means having each others’ backs. It means commitment. It means giving them some Advil and a cold compress when they’re sick and not smothering them with a pillow because they’re really super annoying when they’re sick. It means watching your kids leave the nest and then finally going on fun vacations without them. It means going to bed at night and looking at that person and saying “Yeah, I’ll still keep ya’.” It means having your pal there every day.
Monday, January 6, 2014
|Very important to note that this is my|
forehead at rest. I'm not actively
scowling and/or mad at you.
I honestly didn’t notice until someone brought it up a few years ago that I could use some Botox on my forehead lines. And then I said no thank you because I would for sure be the one in million person to get Stroke Face from my Botox-gone-wrong vanity party for one.
So, I decided that I'd (a) embrace them and (b) stretch them.
|Do I have cross eyes?|
|And then they do this to prove to you that they love you and|
you are good crazy and won't freak out.
Friday, January 3, 2014
I just want to thank you all for continuing to read this blog as it goes into it's second full year (crazy!). Without you, who would I tell my underpants woes to? Well, other than CB who, as of this year, will be legally required to listen by the rules of marriage and stuff.
But seriously. Thank you! Now let's get to it.
You know those times in your life when everything falls completely into place and you just have a moment of "everything is as it should be"?
That moment happened earlier this week for me when I was sitting on the couch of one of my best friends. It was New Years' Eve morning, the rest of her family was at the park and we were sitting and catching up while she was feeding her brand new, four day old baby.
Me: "Wait, I'm so sorry to interrupt but I can't believe we haven't talked about Tori Spelling yet!"
Beth: "What? What about Tori Spelling?"
Me: "Did you hear about her and Dean?"
Beth: "No, I was giving birth! What happened?"
Me: "He cheated on her."
Beth: "Shut UP. Pull up the story immediately. I can't believe you've been here an hour and you're just telling me this."
Me: "See? This is why we've been friends for decades. We just get each other."
Also, we often apologize to our significant others that they ended up with us.
So I read a few books while I was home in the mitten and it was glorious. However, I haven't gotten around to blogging about them, but will get on the ball and back to normal next week. So stay tuned! I also believe I berated the rest of my family while I was home - as you do during the holidays - and so they should be updating as well and then it'll be a book bonanza! Whatever, we're nerds but we own it.
And now, the first Video of the Week of 2014!
This text exchange happened between CB and me last week:
Me: When I listen to Lionel Richie on Pandora, it makes me sentimental and weepy. But I just can't quit him.Need I say more? (except can we talk about that one blonde guy's hair? And, like, everything else that is happening in this video?)
CB: Don't be weepy....listen to 'Dancing on the Ceiling.'
Me: It's so nice to be understood.
Happy Friday, happy new year, I'll see you all next week!