Conversations from Cohabitation

*Sorry to those of you who emailed me wondering why I didn't post yesterday. I'M SORRY I FORGOT IT WAS WEDNESDAY. Which is frustrating because did you guys know that today isn't Friday? Anyway, here you go! 

While talking about the weather that has been unseasonably warm this week (low-mid 50s)

Me: “I was talking to Andy yesterday on the way to the gym and he mentioned how nice the weather was. I immediately corrected him that this isn’t ‘nice.’”
CB: “There’s something seriously wrong with you.”
Me: “No. I totally love this weather – in March and April when it’s supposed to be like this. But in the winter I expect overcast and 15 degrees. That makes me happy.”
CB: “You are the craziest person I know.”
Me: “I’m serious! I mean, honestly, the best winter days are the days where it’s sunny and it’s 15 degrees and you’re like ‘Wow, what a gorgeous winter day!’”
CB: “Nobody but you feels that way.”
Me: “….and the snow is gently falling….”
CB: “You’re describing most people’s least favorite moments.”
Me: “Untrue.”
CB: “You’re like someone who stubs their toe and hopes for pain.”
Me: “That is not even close to being the same thing.”
CB: “Yes it is. The stubbing your toe is winter. The pain is the 15 degrees and overcast.”
Me: “I see no parallels.”
CB: “I am living with an insane person.”
Me: “News alert. To no one.”

***

While watching a show the other night, two very attractive women were playing the defense attorney and the prosecuting attorney.

CB: “These are the attorneys?”
Me: “Yeah, why?”
CB: “It’s like a courtroom full of beauty.”
Me: “Yeah, they’re both lookers.”

Silence.

CB: “I mean, the judge has to be like ‘this is my lucky day!’”
Me: “This is a fake court, you know.”

Silence.

Me: “Which one do you think is prettier?”
CB, seriously contemplating and giving himself time to observe both in courtroom action: “Hmmmm….”
Me: “Or is it your stunning fiancé who currently has crouton crumbs all over her sweatshirt?”
CB: “ Yes, that’s my choice. My stunning fiancé.”
Me: “I figured.”

Silence.

Cut to: 15 minutes later when I got up to go take my sweatshirt off.

Walking out of the room, holding a crouton.

Me: “A crouton just fell out of my hoodie.”
CB, shaking his head. “That does not surprise me.”
Me: “How are you choosing to marry me?”
CB: “It’s like that time your neck was covered in dried chocolate and we couldn’t figure out how long it’d been there.”
Me: “I hoard old food on my body.”
CB: “That’s why I’m marrying you.”