Which is why CB and I had this conversation the other day:
Me: "Man, did you see all of this craziness with the Ashley Madison website?"
CB: "Yeah, that's nuts."
Me: "I can't believe how many people were on there! I mean, I guess they say that more than half of all marriages will experience infidelity at some point, but still!"
CB: "Yeah, and apparently there were a bunch of .gov and .mil email addresses."
Me: "I know, I saw that!"
Me: "I could't believe how many people used their work addresses. That's just dumb. I would never do that."
Me: "I mean, if you're going to do it, at least create a fake email address, you know?"
CB: "I guess."
Me: "That's what I'd do. I mean, how dumb if I just signed up as me. Way too easy to trace."
CB, staring at me.
Me: "Like, I'd just have a yahoo account or something that you didn't know about."
CB, still staring while holding our daughter.
Me, realizing how this is all sounding: "Oh don't worry, I don't even have the energy to have an affair with you let alone create a seductive online personality."
CB: "So basically you're saying that the reason you haven't cheated on me via a cheaters website is because you're too lazy?"
Me: "Not lazy, tired."
CB: "Well that's a lot better."
Me: "Hey, whatever works, right?"
CB: "Feel the love."
Tonight, while CB was feeding our daughter, I decided to give him his food options for dinner.
Me: "Ok, so we have the Swedish meatballs with egg noodles that your mom gave us or Chicken Parm. I'd have to cook the egg noodles for the meatballs."
CB: "Either sound delicious."
Me: "Which one would you like?"
Silence while he thought about it.
CB: "The meatballs would be great."
Me: "Really?? How did you not get that hint that I didn't want to make those?"
CB: "Wait, what?"
Me: "I told you I'd have to cook the noodles!"
CB: "Right and I said that either option sounded delicious!"
Me: "Yeah, and you were supposed to know that the chicken parm was easier for me to just heat up."
CB: "But you asked what I wanted!"
Me: "Only to give you the illusion of control over the situation, you should know me better by now."
CB: "Well then the chicken parm sounds delicious."
Me: "Great, I'm glad we're on the same page."
CB: "What would I like to drink?"
Me: "Nobody thinks you're funny."