My Brain Has Left the Building

So I think that my brain is a bit overwhelmed at the moment – probably a combination of having a 13 month old with Coxsakie, juggling work and a crazy schedule lately, being pregnant and hormonal, and watching too many episodes in a row of Season 1 of Mr. Robot (OHMYGOD). Probably mostly the last part.

And when my brain gets overwhelmed, two things happen:

1. It stops working. In just the last week, these are two of the many things that have occurred on my watch within a 24 hour period:

• I wrote two checks last Monday; one for our car payment, one to our daycare. Except then I got a call from daycare later that day saying “So, we got a check from you but it was made out to Ford Credit for a different amount?” To which I responded, “Oh crap, that means that Ford will get a check made out to Happy Today and Bright Tomorrow. They’re going to be so confused.”
• I went to the grocery store and came back with too many bags for me to carry up to our apartment all at once. So I asked CB to go back down to the car to get the rest from the trunk. While he was gone and I was unloading the others, I started panicking that at least half of the groceries I just knew I purchased weren’t anywhere to be found! So I started preparing for telling CB that I left at least four bags of groceries at ShopRite and would need to go back to get them. Darn pregnancy brain…..and then CB came upstairs with the remaining groceries I thought I’d forgotten about. You know, the groceries I sent him downstairs to get…..

2. I have really crazy dreams. Like last night, when I dreamt that Johnny Depp made me a drinking glass out of chocolate chip cookies PLUS extra chocolate chip cookies to dunk into the chocolate chip cookie glass. I mean, that’s an awesome dream and should become reality, don’t get me wrong. But still a bit odd. Or the night before that when I had a dream that an albino chicken was attacking me while I was trying to go visit our friends’ new baby. But to be fair, that could totally happen because farm birds are the worst.

Oh, and I get super emotional and sentimental. Hence, crying on and off all day yesterday. And also, having conversations like this with CB.

Me: “I hope we get to stay married for a long time and you don’t die.”
CB: “Um…me too? Also, why am I the one dying in this scenario?”
Me: “Because the other night we took that quiz online about how long we’ll live, and I’m living until I’m 96. Duh.”
CB: “Oh, right.”

Silence.

Me, tearing up: “If you do die, would you want me to get re-married?”
CB: “Oh God. We’re having this conversation?”
Me: “Yes, it’s important!”
CB: “It’s really not.”

Silence.

CB: “Fine. If I die, I’d like you to re-marry again eventually. I mean, feel free to grieve for a while, though. But yeah, I’d want you to be happy and it’d be nice for you to have a partner.”
Me: “Aw, that’s so nice of you. But I probably wouldn’t love him as much.”
CB: “Probably?”
Me: “It depends on who I meet.”
CB: “I love you, too.”

Silence.

CB: “So if you die, do you want me to re-marry?”
Me: “I mean, honestly? No, not really. I want you to love me forever. But then I’d feel bad and you are too good of a guy and I do love you unselfishly, I guess. So I’d want you to find someone if she makes you happy. But please not some annoying woman who would badly influence our girls. I’ll haunt you forever.”
CB: “You’re haunting me forever regardless of whether you’re dead or alive.”
Me: “We really should re-write our vows.”

Happy Monday, everyone!