Things I Shouldn't Have to Say Out Loud

Things that I’ve done in the last month:

• Asked what year it was as I was filling out a check. TO BE FAIR, I wrote “2017,” so I’m still with the times. But as I wrote it I was like “it definitely isn’t 2017. Crap, is it 2016 or 2018? Oh no, I don’t know what year it is and I’ve either gained or lost time!” So then I double-checked real quick with CB and he was like “how about you get some sleep and I’ll finish doing whatever it is that you’re doing.” 

• Poured my coffee into a baby bottle. Which is sort of genius because, convenience. We have more bottles than we do regular cups, I’m pretty sure. But also, I then almost fed it to our baby, which hasn’t been discussed explicitly on BabyCenter or anything, but I’m guessing it’s frowned upon since she just started being able to gum her applesauce. 

• Had an entire conversation about me wetting the bed, even though I didn’t wet the bed, but my husband figured it could be a possibility and so we had the conversation much later than we should’ve. Like, CB thought maybe I’d wet the bed, made the bed anyway, and so when I pulled the covers back to go to bed later that night there was still a big wet spot. 

Me: “Ugh, I totally forgot that I spilled Fiona’s bottle here this morning and now it’s still wet!”
CB: “Oooh, is that what that was?”
Me: “Wait, you made the bed knowing that it was wet?”
CB: “Yeah, I thought it would dry. And I didn’t know what it was.”
Me: “What did you think, that I wet the bed or something?”
CB: “I mean, I wasn’t sure….”
Me, laughing: “We have so many problems! First, you thought it was entirely possible that I wet the bed. Which I should be offended by, but, fair enough point. But second, the fact that you thought that maybe this was pee and then just made the bed anyway disturbs me.”
CB, laughing: “I thought it would dry!”
Me: “I never want to sleep in pee-dried sheets!”

And then we started laughing too hard to talk.

So, you know, if you haven’t done any of these things in the last month…you’re winning. Happy Monday!