Monday, August 26, 2013

Conversations from Cohabitation

While laying in bed reading, I started my nightly ritual of inserting ear plugs into my ears. To do so, I rub them really fast in between my hands. (also, CB's so lucky).

Me: “You know, every time I do this I feel like Mr. Miyagi.”
CB: “I think the exact same thing when I hear it.”
Me: “Really?”
CB: “Really.”
Me: “See, this is why we’re MFEO.”
CB: “Yep, it all comes down to the ‘Karate Kid’ for us.”


While laying in bed at a friend’s house over the weekend, we listened to the ceiling fan make a repetitive, rhythmical sound.

CB: “It sounds like the beginning of a song.”
Me: “It does, right? But I can’t figure out which one.”
CB: “I think it’s a Michael Jackson song.”
Me: “Yes! I couldn’t figure out what it was but that’s totally it! The disco one where he’s surrounded by all of those flashing lights and random blue screen images in the video.”
CB: “Yes!”

And then, without missing a beat, we started singing along to the rhythm of the fan. 

Because we’re intensely cool.


The other morning, I walked in on CB finishing up shaving in the bathroom sink. As he was cleaning up, he grabbed a tissue to wipe up the water.

Me, stating the obvious: “Are you using a tissue to clean up the water?”
CB: “Yeah, why?”
Me: “Why don’t you just use a paper towel?”
CB: “What’s the difference?”
Me: “Um, one is for cleaning up water and the other is for blowing your nose.”
CB: “But who cares? The tissues are right here.”
Me: “But they have lotion in them!”
CB, staring at me.
Me: “These are way more expensive than the paper towels! They have lotion!”
CB: “Uh and how much do these lotion tissues cost that using one to clean up will make a difference?”
Me: “One every DAY! And that’s not the point.”
CB: “You brought up the cost.”
Me: “Can you please just use paper towels?”
CB: “Yes. If this conversation will end, I will use paper towels.”
Me: “Thanks!”


Me: “Do these conversations sometimes make you question our pending marriage?”
CB: “Nope. They just reinforce what I already know.”
Me: “That I’m crazy?”
CB: “See? You can already read my mind. And yes.”


Friend: “Wait, you’ve never been to hibachi?”
Me: “Not that I can remember, no.”
Friend, to CB: “You need to take her to hibachi!”
CB: “Yeah, but every time we go on a date in public she draws attention to us.”
Friend: “What do you mean?”
Me, rolling my eyes: “Oh my God, I said ‘vulva’ too loudly one time at a restaurant and he still brings it up.”
CB: “Jesus, woman, you don’t have to repeat it!”
Me: “Um, ‘vulva’ is not a bad word.”
CB: “Everyone in the restaurant stopped and stared.”
Me: “Right, and then you started talking really loudly and weirdly about Volvo cars. As if that was going to help.”
CB: “It helped.”

Ten minutes later as we were sitting down to dinner, I was talking about ingrown hairs with our friends.

CB, turning to our friend: “This is why we don’t go to hibachi.”
Friend: “It's all starting to make sense now.”

Happy Monday, everyone! 


  1. Hahahhaha Volvo cars. What is it with husbands (or future husbands) and not appreciating that we sometimes accidentally embarrass them in public?

  2. I was just going to start the video so I could listen to the music while I read the rest of your post, but it was so weird that I was mesmerized and could not look away. And the next time CB is embarrassed by your conversations in public, tell him to be glad you are not Jeff on Coupling.

    1. Hahah it IS mesmerizing!

      Oh my God. Seriously.

  3. You know, every time you post about you and CB I'm left with even more hope for the future of marriage. Remember these times, the laughs, the fun, the shared smile over awkward comments that you both know are totally worth it to share. That's the bedrock of it all.

    And forgiveness. That's the other Bedrock.

    Get down those two and everything else, from budgets, to who's taking out the cat litter, is just gravy.

    PS: I totally need to make that wedding list up for you. I've been looking for an excuse to write a "things I wish we had planned for before the wedding".