Conversations from Cohabitation

While watching the "Scandal" Season Three marathon on tv during massive apartment fall cleaning yesterday…

CB: “This is turning into a soap opera.”
Me: “Um, news flash: it is a soap opera.”
CB: “No, I mean it’s all too involved now.”
Me: “Yes, like a soap opera. It’s a dramatic, nighttime soap opera and it’s awesome.”
CB: “But there’s all of this….sexual stuff happening. Too much kissy time. It’s supposed to be dramatic and suspenseful.”
Me, laughing: “I can’t take you seriously when you say ‘kissy time.’ And don’t pretend you’re not hooked. You got mad at me last season when I’d watch it on DVR without you.”
CB, laughing: “I know, but it’s just that they’re all….adulterers.”
Me: “You’re one hundred years old.”
CB: “But they are! Look – just in that room alone, she’s sleeping with that married guy, that wife is sleeping with that guy from that other show, that guy’s husband slept with that other woman’s husband. All scandalous!”
Me: “Hence, the name.”
CB: “I’m just saying that it’s getting out of hand.”
Me: “Also, you’ve seen all of these episodes before, why is this now just shocking you?”
CB: “I don’t know, all in a row like this, it feels wrong.”
Me: “It is wrong. Which is why the show is so right.”

Pause.

CB: “Do you have the season premiere set on the DVR? It’s on at a new time.”
Me: “Well we got over the adultery pretty quickly, now, didn’t we….”

***

So, it’s important to note that I really like it cold when I sleep, which sometimes means the air conditioning is on at night when it’s not that warm outside. And CB sleeps closest to the vent.

I'm kind of a monster sometimes, I know. 

CB, fighting with his blanket and mumbling.

Me: “You alright over there?”

CB: “I pulled the blanket up and then it exposed my feet, but they’re cold because of the air conditioning and so I had to balance it out.”

Me: “Why don’t you put on socks?”

CB: “It’s not healthy to sleep with socks on.”

Me, staring at him.

CB: “It’s not! Look it up!”

Me: “I don’t have to look that up because it’s ridiculous. This is one of those things you’ve created in your mind as a thing that’s not actually a thing.”

CB, laughing: “It’s not one of those. It’s real. The socks are too tight and cut off the circulation.”

Me: “How tight are your socks?! You need different socks if they’re cutting off the circulation.”

CB, still laughing and googling this nonsense: “I think this is one of those things that your parents would agree with me on.”

Me: “This is most certainly not one of those things. They would tell you to get different socks.”

CB, texting his dad.

Me: “You’re not texting your dad about this. He’s the one you get this from! He’ll obviously agree with you because this is a Leo-ism for sure.”

CB, laughing: “No, he texted me and I’m responding about something else.”

Me: “Ok good. Because if we asked my parents, your mom and sister, and anyone else, they’d agree with me. It just isn’t logical. Think about it: if your socks are too tight at night, they’d be too tight during the day. I mean, are they magically getting tighter the moment you lay down?”

CB: “Well my work socks for sure would be too tight because they’re even too tight during the day.”

Me: “Again, you need different socks. Also, I appreciate you not wearing your black work socks to bed like a great grandfather.”

CB, ignoring me while googling.

Me: “This is sort of like my underpants issue. My underpants are too big and I apparently need smaller ones and your socks are too small and you apparently need larger ones. We have the same problem on different parts of our body!”

CB, putting his phone down.

Me: “So what did it say?”

CB: “Eh, I couldn’t really find anything conclusive.”

Me: “That’s not true. You found that every sight you checked agreed with me.”

CB, laughing: “Yeah, it said that your socks were too tight if they were cutting off circulation."

Me: “I’m a genius.”

CB: “Or we could just turn the air conditioning off.”

Me: “I’ll just buy you bigger socks.”

Happy Monday, everyone!