This is Why the Terrorists Hate Us

So the other day I was perusing the internet looking for some last-minute gift inspiration, though overall, I was feeling pretty accomplished that I’d finished all of my Christmas shopping essentially by December 1st. I was even a little gloat-y – dropping that fun fact into conversations that had nothing to do with holiday shopping whatsoever, just to get the point across that I was totally on the ball this year.

But there was one person who was missing one thing and I couldn’t quite figure out what that one thing was….but I knew the internet would have the answer, and so I began my search.

However, this is one of the first things I ran into:

How is this real?

It's called the Ostrich Napping Pillow. Obviously. And this is its description: 

"Catch a quick nap no matter where you are and feel totally relaxed while doing so by covering your head with this comfortable ostrich pillow that encompasses your entire head and neck except your mouth and nose."

Now, if we could just get over the fact that the above was the longest run-on sentence written by someone other than Marcel Proust, we could jump ahead to the notion that anyone would feel "totally relaxed" while wearing this giant alien pillow around their face. 

Also, doesn't it look like he's doing it wrong? Are those arm-holes on the upper sides? Why is there hair ventilation? I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT IS HAPPENING. 

Cut to: 5 minutes later, I saw this: 

It's called The Canine Raincoat. And if your dog is wearing this, you should leave it out in the wild and remind it that it's a dog and doesn't need a face shield from water, princess (I'm mean to animals dressed as humans, this is not news.)

And then finally, I stopped looking after finding this:

I FOUND CB'S FAVORITE GIFT THIS YEAR. (he will blush just looking at this picture, which makes this entire blog thing worthwhile.)Your underpants aren't complete unless they have ears.

You're welcome in advance for giving you some incredible options for your last-minute holiday-buying needs.

Happy Wednesday!