Conversations from Cohabitation

Update: I didn’t faint OR stab the nurse, so Friday was a success! I’ll likely get the results today or tomorrow, so I’m mainlining sugar just in case. Pretty sure those were doctor’s orders. Thanks for all of your comments and support!

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So over the weekend I was in major spring cleaning mode and started going through my and CB’s drawers to organize and de-clutter. However, as I started going through his sock and underwear drawer, I realized that my husband had a whole secret, weird level of his personality that I never realized: he’s a sock hoarder.

About 30 minutes after I went through everything, he came into the bedroom.

Me: “Um, we need to have a discussion at some point about how we haven’t been featured on the show ‘Hoarders’ yet.”
CB, laughing: “Why, what are we hoarding?”
Me: “Um, ‘we’ are hoarding about 80 pairs of your socks.”
CB, still laughing: “I take good care of my feet.”
Me: “Right, but why do you have 30 pairs of black socks, 20 pairs of brown socks, some argyle, a bunch of white socks with yellow toes-“
CB: “-They’re called ‘Goldtoe’ remember? They were featured on ‘Jeopardy.’”
Me: “You have some serious issues.”
CB: “I don’t want to ever find myself needing socks.”
Me: “Uh, mission accomplished! You literally could not do sock laundry for a month and still not run out of socks. You have, like, 8 pairs of underwear and one million socks. WHO needs that many black socks?”
CB: “I had a scare once where I ran out of socks.”
Me: “You have sock PTSD. I never knew this about you. It actually makes me feel better knowing that you’re weird, too. You just hide it. In your sock drawer.”
CB, laughing and leaving the room.
Me: “Anyway, I need you to go through the rest of the socks on the bed and find out if they have mates.”
CB: “Ok, no problem.”
Me: “And then maybe get rid of some of the socks you don’t need?”
CB: “I need all of them.”

An hour later I returned to the bedroom to find 7 random socks laying in a straight line on the bed.

Me: “Great, you went through your socks!”
CB: “Yep.”
Me: “And these are the ones without mates?”
CB: “Yeah. I’m going to have a memorial service for them later. They’ve been left alone in this cold, dark world with no partner and no one to love them.”
Me, laughing: “Great, as long as their memorial ends in the garbage, I’m happy.”
CB: “You’re a heartless, soul-less woman.”

Cut to: Yesterday, as I was getting into the car, I noticed a pair of brown socks in the back seat of the car.

Me: "Oh my God! You're hoarding socks in your car, too!"
CB, laughing: “I just want to have them on-hand in case I need them.”
Me: “What sock emergency are you having where you need a backup in the car?”
CB: “It’s like you don’t understand me at all.”
Me: “And for the first time in my life, I’m completely OK with that.”

Happy Monday, everyone!