Conversations from Cohabitation

Ok, so the bottom part of this conversation is from a year ago, but I stumbled across it yesterday and it still makes me laugh and will likely still embarrass CB. Win/win.  

But first, this is a conversation that happened yesterday. I was leaving for work while he was in the shower, so I was attempting to say goodbye to him through the bathroom door.  

Me: “Bye, I’m leaving!”CB, no answer.Me, a little louder and knocking on the door: “Bye, I’m leaving!”CB: “What?”Me: “I’m leaving!”CB: “I can’t hear you!”Me, exasperated and louder: “I’m LEAVING!”CB, swinging open the bathroom door, soaking wet: “What, you’re bleeding??!!”Me, laughing: “Um, no. I’m leaving. I was just saying goodbye.”CB, shaking his head: “Oh my God, Beck, why didn’t you just open the door and say that? I panicked!”Me: “Clearly. I also didn’t think it’d take me five minutes to tell you I was leaving or I would’ve just opened the door.”CB: “Between now and when you give birth, you can’t randomly yell things at me through the door.”Me: “Like ‘hey, I’m in labor!’”
CB: “Right. You have to open the door for that.”Me: “Good to know. I’ll make sure I try to accommodate you when that happens.”CB, closing the door back in my face: “You’re a piece of work.”

***

Coming out of the bathroom after showering:

Me:  “So I accidentally shaved off part of my eyebrow.”
CB: “What?! How does one accidentally shave off their eyebrow?”
Me: “I’m not really sure.”
CB: “You’re not sure? You don’t remember having a razor near your face?”
Me: “Well, I was about to shave and this one hair kept falling into my face and so I went to wipe it away…”
CB: “With a razor in your hand?!?”
Me: “Yeah…it was just an instinct.”
CB: “That’s a terrible instinct.”
Me: “Not instinct. I meant impulse.”
CB: “Well, try not to impulsively do things with a razor in your hand in the future.”
Me: “But then I felt to see if I cut my face and didn’t feel any blood, so I just kept showering. But I just looked in the mirror and part of my eyebrow is gone. Can you see it?” (leaning in to show him my eyebrow)
CB: “Yes of course I can see it. You look like you’re constantly surprised with one eye now.”
Me: “Oh no, really?!”
CB, laughing: “It’s really not that bad. But now that you point it out I can tell.”
Me: “I guess it could’ve been worse. I could’ve, like, shaved off the whole thing. And it could be the day before our wedding. Or I could’ve blinded myself accidentally.”
CB: “How about we just don’t put razors by our face anymore, ok? You could’ve really injured yourself.”
Me: “I know. I’ve learned my lesson by rendering myself perpetually surprised for the next week or so.”
CB: “There’s something not right about you.”

***

Hanging out with a few friends Saturday night, I remembered to tell CB something that happened outside of his earshot earlier that day:

Me: “Oh, by the way, I think I may have accidentally told your college friends that you sometimes wrap me in paper towel in a sexual way.”

CB: “What?!?”

Friend, laughing: “You have to immediately tell us how that happened.”

CB: “Yeah, how does someone accidentally say something like that?”

Me: “Well, you were telling the story about how you guys wrapped Chad in paper towel while he was passed out and I made some side comment and said ‘Yeah, he does that to me sometimes, but for other reasons.’ And then your friends looked at me and were slightly confused and impressed?”

CB: “Jesus Beck, why would you say something like that?”

Friend, still laughing.

Me: “I don’t know, it just seemed like a funny thing to say. But then I realized that they’d just met me and maybe didn’t know I was kidding.”

Friend: “About CB wrapping you somehow seductively in paper towel?”

Me: “Yeah, I mean, how on earth would that be serious? They had to know.”

CB: “Oh God. Some of these people are going to be at our wedding, Beck! And now they think we do freaky things with paper towels!”

Me: “It could’ve been worse.”

CB: “HOW could it be worse?!”

Me: “It could be true!”