Conversations from Cohabitation: Old Lady Edition

So I was making a pb&j for CB yesterday and, as I handed it to him, we had this conversation:

Me: “Do you kiss your sandwiches?”
CB, staring at me.
Me (walking away): “No, nevermind, nobody does that, nevermind….”
CB, laughing: “Oh God this is gonna be good. Do I kiss my sandwiches? Do you?”
Me: “No, not, like, kiss your sandwiches. But, like, the bread.”
CB: “Do I kiss the bread?!”
Me: “Yeah, when you put the two pieces together.”
CB: “I don’t even know how we’re possibly having this conversation. So you kiss each piece of bread?”
Me: “No, not actual kisses, I just make a kissing sound when I put them together, like the pieces of bread are kissing. But I don’t kiss the bread itself.”
CB: “Right, cuz that would be a lot weirder than what you’re describing.”
Me: “Nevermind.”
CB, laughing: “I just love that you could even picture me making a kissing noise with my bread when I make a sandwich.”
Me: “I just wasn’t sure if it was a thing or a me thing.”
CB: “It’s definitely a you thing. Most of the things in your life are you things, fyi.”

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So last week I was walking down the street and starting thinking about a song that drives me crazy every time I hear it. Except I couldn’t think of the song. Which started driving me even crazier. And so I texted CB.

And then the conversation continued later that evening.

Me: “Ok, so we have to have a serious conversation about us figuring out what song I hate.”
CB: “Ok…but I don’t know if that falls into the category of ‘serious conversation.’”
Me: “You need to help me because I’m going crazy.”
CB: “You’ve literally told me nothing. How can you not know ONE lyric or a melody?”
Me: “I don’t know. But the worst part is going to be when we both hear it and then can’t get it out of our heads. It’s awful.”
CB: “I don’t think this song exists.”
Me: “It DOES exist! I can’t believe it’s not immediately coming to you, this is so annoying! I complain about it every time it comes on.”
CB: “Yes, you’re the one who should be annoyed in this scenario.”
Me, laughing: “I know….but I need you to help me. I won’t sleep otherwise.”
CB: “When did it come out, do you know that?”
Me: “I think this year? Or last year.”
CB: “Ok, so we’ll search popular songs from 2014 and 2015.”

Fast forward through 15 minutes of us googling Billboard Top 100 hits from the last two years.

Me: “Now that I’m looking at the songs that were top hits in 2014 I’m feeling like maybe it’s been out longer? And most of these songs I’ve never heard of.”
CB: “This is going really well.”
Me, reading off the list of 100 songs from this year: “I’ve not heard of half of these people. ‘Silento…..A$AP Rocky…Fetty Wap….”
CB: “You know Fetty Wap. He’s the guy with one eye I showed you a few weeks ago.”
Me: “Oh, right. But I couldn’t pick him out of a lineup. Or any of his songs.”
CB: “The safe bet, in the lineup scenario, would be to pick the guy with only one eye.”
Me: “You knew what I meant.”

Silence.

Me: “ ‘OMI…..Major Lazer & DJ Snake….Rich Homie Quan…..Silento’…”
CB: “You know Silento.”
Me: “I do not.”
CB: “He sings the Whip it Nae Nae song.”
Me, laughing: “What on earth are you talking about?”
CB, standing up, singing: “Whip…..nae nae. Whip-whip…nae nae.”
Me, laughing harder: “Oh my God, I’ve literally never heard this song.”
CB: “How old ARE you?! There’s a whole dance and everything!”
Me: “What?! Do you know the dance?”
CB: “Of course I know the dance!”
Me: “Do it right now, then.”
CB, getting into position: “I can whip a nae nae no problem.”

And then he did.

Sadly, we still haven’t figured out what song I hate. But now I can’t stop singing about whipping a nae nae. Problem multiplied.

However, I did come into work today and he'd emailed me this without any text. So, you know, it's why I married him.

Happy Monday! 

Friday Wrapup

Let's get to it!

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First, I have to give a shout-out to my mother-in-law for two reasons:

1. She has been babysitting R for the last two weeks while I reacclimate to this whole "going to work full time" thing. It's been a huge relief to know that we didn't have to adjust to daycare at the same time as I was adjusting to getting out the door, showered and clothed in non-spitup attire, each day.
2. Speaking of which....this morning I came out of the bedroom and she was like "Is your shirt on inside out?" and I was like "No... oh crap, yes."

So, you know, one of the above reasons is obviously more important. I'll let you be the judge.

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This week's book is "Elephant Company" by Vici Constantine Croke.  This is a book my dad told me about recently and I immediately added it to my growing list Click here  to check it out and browse around for other good fall reads!

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I swear to God, if anyone tells me what happened on TGIT (otherwise known as "The Night of Shonda Rhimes TV") I will unfriend you very violently. DON'T SAY ANYTHING, people, this is what DVR is for and I go to bed at 8:30!

Also, I had this conversation with CB last night and he is so happy we're married forever:

Me: "Oh, by the way, at 10 tonight you're going to have to choose between watching 'How to Get Away with Murder' or 'Project Runway.'"
CB: "Um, neither of those sound like options of shows I want to watch. Plus, didn't I tell you no more Shonda?"
Me: "I didn't listen. You'll love it! It's like 'Scandal'!"
CB: "No, no more Shonda!"
Me: "Too late. I already set the DVR. So anyway, when you're watching the Mets and that little reminder comes on that says we're taping two shows at the same time and so you have to switch to one or cancel one, pick whichever one you want."
CB: "Or I can cancel one?"
Me: "No, that's an option Fios gives you. Not an option I am giving you. Plus, the Mets game might be over by then."
CB: "Beck, you're saying that, while I'm watching the Mets play towards their first pennant race in years, I have to stop and watch a show about fashion or a show about adultery and murder?"
Me: "Yes. Oh crap, also, I just realized 'Project Runway' comes on at 9 instead of 10."
CB: "Oh good, then I don't have to worry, right?"
Me: "No, 'Scandal' is on at 9. So you can choose between 'Scandal' or 'Project Runway.'"
CB: "Beck!"
Me: "It's only once a week!"
CB: "This is not happening. We need a second tv."
Me: "No, marriage is the art of compromise."
CB: "This somehow doesn't feel like a compromise at all on your part."
Me: "Right. Today is your day to compromise. I'll compromise tomorrow. See? Perfect!"

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And now, the Video of the Week. This song came on this morning and I'd forgotten all about how much I like it. So even though the video quality isn't the best....enjoy! Happy Friday, everyone!

Things I Don't Understand.

So you guys, I think I’m going to start a new series on this blog called “Things I Don’t Understand.” Because the list is plentiful. And nearly every day I think to myself “wait, what? I don't understand.” and then try to figure out what the f is going on. Usually this happens on my way to or from work because those are the hours where I’m among other adults who are doing or saying or liking things that make no sense to me.

Let’s get started.

Sneezing and not covering your mouth. This is something I plan on teaching my daughter not to do as soon as she figures out that, while adorable, her sneezes are grody to others who didn’t birth her. Which I believe comes right after her figuring out that it’s easier to grab things if her hands aren’t clenched into fist form. So, you know, a few more months from now.

But this morning a guy, like, non-adorably sneezed into the subway air and I wanted to wear a Michael Jackson mask forever. I gave him my glaring-est glare, but it didn’t seem to have much of an impact. Especially since I looked for support from my other commuter comrades and they were all busy not caring about dying of typhoid. Or whatever is transmitted via sneeze. I just don’t understand.

Wearing an untied bowtie around your neck. There was a guy wearing a normal outfit with an untied polka-dot bowtie around his neck this morning, you guys. I did a quick assessment to see if he was doing a walk of shame from a fancy night-before, but he had too much product in his hair and a t-shirt on for that to be the case. If it was a walk of shame he’d just take the dumb un-tied bowtie off, no? And you certainly don't do your hair. You're getting the heck outta there (from what I've heard.)

Which leads me to believe it was on purpose. And so I don’t understand. So I googled it when I got to work, as any normal grownup with a life would do, and found this.

And while I've been known to adopt awful, awful trends like rooster hair and pegging of the pants, I was THIRTEEN. Thirteen-year-old people, as a rule, are dumb. With awful taste in trends. I mean, I also thought I would be marrying Jordan Knight so, you know, having rooster hair went with the territory.

I just don’t understand.

And finally….

The song “Can’t Feel My Face.” Can someone with ears please explain this to me? I was listening to the radio the other day and the DJ said that this was the song of the summer. So then, of course, I realized that it was September and I’d never heard the song because I live in a cave of my own self-protection. 

So I texted CB about how I couldn’t believe I’d never heard the song of the summer but also that I couldn’t believe it was the song of the summer because it was awful. He responded that we’re old and should just listen to old-timey music for the rest of our lives because only old people have these conversations. Or something.

But stay with me here for a minute, let’s unpack this one: the band/person’s name is “The Weeknd.” No, I didn’t forget the “e,” they/he did. Why? It’s only one letter, you’re not really saving time and, if anything, are just confusing poor old people who don’t understand spelling things wrong by one letter. It makes my brain hurt.

Also, is this the name of the person singing the song or is it a band? I don’t understand if The Weeknd is a person or multiple people. So I YouTube’d the song and I think he’s just one guy. Who also has rooster hair. Full circle.  

But really, I simply don’t understand. Why can’t you feel your face when you’re with me? Did you just come from the dentist? Have I drugged you or immobilized your senses in some way? In which case, you really shouldn’t hang out with me anymore. Don’t love me, The Weeknd! I’m bad for your face!

I just don’t understand.

Do you? 

Happy Wednesday!

Friday Wrapup

Let's get to it!

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Ok, so you can fast-forward through this until about 3:30 and then start watching it, but I have to say that it was pretty spot-on to conversations and experiences CB and I have had.

"A demon banshee-screaming at us." That pretty much sums up parenting! (I'm a phenomenal mother).

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This week's book is "Colorless Tsukuru Tazaki and His Years of Pilgrimage" by Haruki Murakami (rolls right off the tongue, doesn't it?) You'll notice a theme - my dad and I are kind of Murakami fans, so you'll see a bunch of his books on here. I haven't read this one, but will put it on my list for 2020 when maybe I'll finish a book (or a thought) again? Click here and check it out! 

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And now, the Video of the Week. Found this via my sister and instantly gravitated to it. Check out their story here and then watch the video below. For those of you who don't know, I've played the violin since I was four (though, admittedly, I don't play nearly as much as I should anymore) and was certainly never this cool. 

All I needed were some sunglasses and a
baseball cap and I would've been HIP. 

Enjoy! 

Happy Friday!

Friday Wrapup

Let's get to it!

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You guys, I know! I've sort of sucked at blogging. To be fair, I've also sucked at: showering, wearing clothes without someone else's spit-up on them, sleeping for more than four hours consecutively, and not talking about the number of times the 11-pound person living in my home poops. So, you know, bear with me.

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Desperate for some new reading material? Check out the new book review of "Roseanna"and browse around for other fall reading inspiration! Oh, also. Fall? It'd be nice if you'd quit being 100 degrees. Thanks.

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Yes.

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And yes!

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Hug or call the ones you love.