How Nicki Minaj invented iced coffee and why I will now listen to the radio for the next 14 hours to show my love.

This isn’t a costume.
Sometimes this is just what I looked like
after drinking some mom-brewed
cold coffee.

I think we should all take a minute and reflect on the amazement that is any of us having the ability to do anything that requires any amount of time or attention since the Internet was first invented. And then send Al Gore an email asking him for a lot of money in advance of all of us losing our jobs because we can’t focus on anything for longer than 17 seconds.

This just happened:

I was typing an email when my mind started to wander and I thought about how much I was liking my iced coffee this morning. Then I started to wonder when iced coffee first became popular because when I was a kid, I don’t remember anyone walking around with iced coffee. I remember my mom leaving the coffee she was drinking out on the table for a while, and then me drinking it and thinking that cold coffee was way better than warm coffee, and then my mom regretting that she’d left it out because now I really was never going to stop talking and definitely wasn’t going to take a nap. But I didn’t then go out and start the iced coffee craze at 5 years old. Or did I? Because we all know how my mind just makes stuff happen.

  

Anyway, then I decided to Google “iced coffee genesis” because I like to use big words in case I’m being watched and/or judged by someone who will be impressed with my ability to come up with a more pretentious word for “beginning.” Fast forward to 20 minutes later where time found me reading about how Michael Clarke Duncan died and why Nicki Minaj might be voting for Mitt Romney. All of a sudden I saw my work email staring me in the face and I was all like “Work email, how’d you get away from me like that?” And I got right back to it.

Until I realized that I never found out how iced coffee was invented and went back to finding out about that.

Also, and totally unrelated, did you know that some people call it “ice coffee” and they’re wrong? Which then got me to thinking about an ongoing, decades-long debate I’ve been having with my friends about whether it’s “mix tape” or “mixed tape.”

First of all, people who were born after 1990, tapes are things we used to listen to before cd’s were invented and whatever else people use to listen to music now. Also, quit reading this blog because you make me feel old.

Second of all, I realize this might be a moot point since tapes are no longer a valid way to spend hours upon hours of your precious time putting together just the right songs to express to someone how you feel about them while also making sure that the DJ’s stupid voice doesn’t come on right at the end and then you have to wait until it comes on 3 hours later again to see if you can get a better take.

Whatever, all I’m saying is that it’s a mixture of songs and that they’re all mixed up and so it should henceforth be known as “mixed tape, Kyle.”

Anyway, moral of the story, I think Nicki Minaj invented iced coffee and Al Gore is a Republican. But I’m busy and need to get back to work, so quit bothering me, Interweb!

Happy Tuesday!