So you know how normally when people celebrate their birthdays it’s usually in the form of having friends over for some drinks and appetizers, going out to a bar to celebrate, or for really big birthday events, going away somewhere for a weekend with friends and family to revel in all of the glory of aging?
Yes, me too. And I encourage you all to plan those events for any of my upcoming celebratory days.
However, as I’m sure you’ll be shocked to find out, I am not friends with normal people. So instead of being hungover on Sunday morning from a night out on the town to celebrate all things birthday, pretending that we’re still in our 20s and becoming “wooooooo!”girls every time a Bruce Springsteen or Journey song comes on, I spent my Sunday morning cursing said friend-who-shall-remain-nameless’s name under my breath as I WOKE UP TO AN ALARM ON A SUNDAY, ate a protein-heavy breakfast, and put on my gym clothes to go to a Soul Cycle spin class in the city.
I’ll give you a moment.
I know, right?!?! However, there was a part of me that was sort of excited to do this because I do like exercising and I do like hanging out with my friends and so this was a unique and potentially “fun” thing for us all to do to shake things up. Though, to be fair, I do understand that I need to use the word “fun” in quotation marks from here on out because I believe I have now changed the entire meaning of the word and should begin to consult my dictionary for actual meanings of words before throwing them around so cavalierly next time.
But ok. After spending two days talking CB down from the cursing ledge of doom he was on for us having said yes to this in the first place, we all met up for this spin class with a smile, some coffee, and constant reminders to our friend about how much we all must really like her if we’re willing to do this. I mean, we’re good friends, not saints, girl had to know about the sacrifice.
Um, but ok. For those of you who don’t know what Soul Cycle is, let me give you a crash course: it’s an upscale spin-only workout facility where celebrities and people who make more money than me hang out to sweat their brains out and then drink kale shakes with a smile because rich people have a different version of what the word “shake” means.
It’s like my version of the word “fun” except their fun tastes like grass clippings.
Anyway, the first order of business was getting all of the stuff in our lockers and getting ready for the class. However, I almost stopped the entire co-ed locker facility group of strangers and friends in their tracks when I went to take my pants off to change into my gym shorts and realized that CB’s cousin was next to me and perhaps I shouldn’t scar him for life with a view of my underpants.
In my defense, though, it totally looked like a locker room at a gym where you, you know, change your clothes and stuff. But it was a literal locker room.
|"I can't quit you. Let's spin."|
So lesson one of soul cycle: don’t take your pants off in front of strangers.
Lesson two came shortly thereafter when we saw Jake Gyllenhall post-workout and got lulled into a celebrity coma of excitement that temporarily convinced us that we, too, could totally do this thing. I mean, if the guy from “Brokeback Mountain” could do it, so could we!
However, after about 30 seconds of not understanding how to clip my special spinning shoes into the totally confusing and not at all intuitive contraption on the pedal, I decided that perhaps I was in over my head. I mean, I’ve taken spin classes for a while now, but I’ve never had trouble figuring out how to use my shoes. Or the pedal. And so maybe that was a bad sign?
And then it started.
First of all, it’s very dark. Second of all, it’s very dark and they’re playing catchy dance music that makes you temporarily forget that you’re using muscles in your legs and butt that God never intended to be flexed. But whatever, it was actually sort of awesome and one of the best workouts I’ve ever done, outside of training and running marathons.
However, I think we all need to just get right on board with the fact that, no matter how catchy the Ludacris song is that you’re playing, there’s not a chance in hell that I’ll be able to coordinate my hands and elbows going one way while I pull and push my body back and forth on a stationary bike of death and pedal while trying to keep the beat, all while trying not to fall off of the bike with my feet still connected.
Also, did any of us for a minute think that that would ever happen? Thank you, I rest my case.
On a side note and totally unrelated to my coordination abilities, I may or may not have accidentally kicked my friend in the leg who was sitting next to me while I tried to remove my foot from the S&M contraption they called a bike pedal at the end of the 45 minute workout.
So, while I don’t need to make this my normal Sunday ritual, I am really glad that we all did it and experienced the ridiculous fun that can come from a workout where there’s a seat RIGHT THERE but you can totally never sit down on it. And all in all, I think every single one of us kind of killed it in our own way. There were varied levels of spin experience, workout frequency, and overall care towards totally nailing every move between the 12 of us. But there was a lot of laughing, a lot of sweating, and even a celebratory cupcake with a candle brought into the room by the staff during our cool down! (though I cannot confirm whether or not it was a kale cupcake, it did look quite tasty. And thoughtful.)
And that, my friends, is the definition of fun.
Happy Monday, everyone!
|You can all thank me in your own special ways later |
for not posting the"after" picture.