Monday, May 4, 2015

I've Become a Giant Marshmallow Man. Plus, CB totally loves life!

Good news: I’m done peeing into a jug.
Bad news: My hands and feet have disappeared and someone has replaced them with the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man’s extremities.

CB is really liking this stage of marriage and life, you guys. It’s fun for him to watch me transform before his eyes, get a running start at sitting upright, and fall asleep prior to 8pm. The upside is that he could literally be leading a much more exciting double-life that starts around 8:15 every night and I’d never know it.  

Also, his life now includes a fun new game called “Becky doesn’t know what she’s talking about but I end up doing a lot of work for nothing anyway.” It’s a working title, we’re open to suggestions.

Example 1:

On Friday, CB bought me gorgeous flowers because that’s how he rolls. So of course I broke our really nice fancy vase a few weeks ago because I’m me, but knew that we had another less-fancy vase somewhere in the apartment.

Me: “I think it’s above the refrigerator.”
CB: “Ok.”
Me, staring at him walking over to the table to eat the hot pizza that just got delivered.
CB, turning to see me staring: “What?”
Me: “Any chance you could get the vase now?”
CB: “Right now?”
Me: “Yes, because then we’ll start eating and watching the movie and then the flowers will just sit there slowly dying on the counter for hours otherwise.”
CB, grumbling about hot pizza while he walks over to the kitchen: “It’s above the refrigerator?”
Me: “I think so? I’m not really sure, but that’s my guess.”
CB, beginning to move all of the liquor bottles we have on top of the refrigerator to get to the cupboards: “Why is everything we ever need in these cupboards?”
Me: “You’re being dramatic. We barely ever use those cabinets.”
CB: “Yes, I’m the dramatic one. And I seem to remember doing this about two weeks ago looking for something that you then found in the linen closet.”
Me: “That sounds unlikely.”

Finally, he moves everything down off the fridge and opens the cupboards.

CB: “I don’t see a blue vase.”
Me: “Are you sure?”
CB: “I’m positive.”
Me, thinking.
Me: “Oh! I remember, I think it’s in the front closet!”

So I went over and opened the closet and there it was.

CB: “You do this just to mess with me, right?”
Me, laughing: “No, I swear I thought it was up there.”
CB: “Ok, but next time, let’s check the closets first, ok?”
Me: "Deal.”

Example 2:

Walking to the car the other day, CB had his hands full of bags as we had this conversation:

Me: “Oh, I think I gave you the car keys.”
CB: “Why would you give me the car keys, you’re driving?”
Me: “I know, but I don’t have pockets.”

So, CB puts all of the bags down and starts rifling through his pockets.

CB: “I don’t think I have the keys.”
Me: “You definitely have the keys.”
CB, searching.
Me, putting my hand in my pocket: “Oh! I have the keys. And pockets! My bad.”
CB: “How did you not know that you had pockets?”
Me: “I don’t really know, I guess I forgot what I was wearing. I think I was thinking about yesterday.”
CB, picking all of the bags back up: “I’m not even going to go down this road with you because I’ll just end up even more confused.”
Me: “Story of your life.”
CB: “You have no idea.”

Happy Monday! 


  1. Hey, he should consider himself lucky. You could be all logical and boring and knowledgeable about where everything is and then what would he do with his time?