So last night I was spending my fourth night on the couch watching terrible* television and being sick of being sick, when I decided to check my blog inbox.
Ok, first of all, I don’t know who the R&D team is who figures out what emails should be sent to what person, but boy do they have me pegged. I simply can’t get enough cute notes from barely legal girls who are dying to meet me and offers for a free online subscription to Cialis.
But after totally clicking through on all of those offers, I got to two emails that really made my night. And by “made my night” I mean “may or may not have made me cry and then text Courtney.”
Me: Uh, I’m getting hate mail from people who are apparently insane and love Downton Abbey.
Court: Are you for real?
Me: Yeah. I got called stupid twice. Also, sign that my hormones are NOT in check? I started crying. I’m a crybaby.
Court: Just today you’re a crybaby. Any other day you could tell them to f themselves.
Me: Man, blogging is like dating. You try it out, and when it works, it’s amazing! But when you have a bad date, it’s like you vow never to go out there again. And also sometimes you have to answer questions about wearing lingerie while watching Jag at a dive bar.
Oh yeah, that happened. My 20s were incredible.
So then I decided to call it a night and totally not think about all of the mean things these people said.
Until I got into bed and re-read both of them while listening to sad music and doing that thing where you hold back your cry so much that it hurts your esophagus.
But then I decided to act like a normal human and be rational. I mean, this isn’t my go-to move, rationality, but it’s something that creeps up on me every now and again and boy, does it come in handy! Of course, my rational mind may not look like other people’s, since the first thing I thought of is how people rag on Tina Fey and I love Tina Fey and think she’s hilarious, whereas other people devote their entire waking hours to talking about how un-funny she is.
And since Tina Fey and I fall into most of the same categories when it comes to our comedic bodies of work, it was an understandable go-to move on my part.
But then I kept going over in my head something that this one email said: “You’re clearly not very bright, and when stupid people say stupid things, they should expect others to call them out on it.”
First of all, I took the Jeopardy practice test online the other day and I totally got 70% of those answers correct. Granted, one of them was “THIS SINGER RENAMED HERSELF "SASHA FIERCE" FOR A 2008 DOUBLE ALBUM” and I may or may not have yelled out “Beyonce!” as I made my “suck it” face to the computer and said “Boom.” Still, though, it counted towards my total correct answers, and for that, I’m sad for America.
But whatever. The second place my rational mind took me to was all of the other emails I get from you guys on a weekly basis that are funny, supportive, and entertaining, and so perhaps I need to just let the haters hate.
Also, I tend to go into “gangsta” mode after crying because it makes me feel like more of a badass who can handle anything while tucked into bed with my cell phone and Bon Iver playing.
Nothing says “thug life” more than Bon Iver. Truth.
|"We will cut you."|
Anyway, I suppose the real moral of this story is twofold: one, I’m grateful that anyone reads this blog and comments, so if a few people who hate me and my stupid stupidness get in there, so be it. And two, you Downton Abbey folks take this stuff seriously! My bad, PBS, my bad.
Happy Wednesday, everyone!