Wednesday, February 19, 2014

I'm a sleep magician.

Let’s get real: if we’ve been paying attention over the last few years, we can pretty much all come to an agreement that CB is vying for some sort of Sainthood medal or really believes that martyrdom is his ticket into the pearly gates or something. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m a total catch – but I’m also kind of a handful sometimes if you don’t quite know what to make of me.

Luckily for all involved parties, CB totally gets it. And had lots of practice years before our courtship to figure it all out so that he could come to the obvious conclusion: “I want me some more of that.” So, when he sometimes rolls his eyes and/or grumbles under his breath as I make a simple request like “Scoot over to the corner of the couch so I can lay on your lap,”  I do not feel all that bad – I mean, he had to see this one coming.

However, I must admit that, day-to-day, I find a number of reasons to be thankful that CB signed on up – from waking up to find that he’s already fed the cat so I can sleep an extra five minutes, to a Beyonce-themed, home-cooked dinner that I was surprised with last week.

You've gotta admit, the kid is good

But whatever, he doesn’t have it too badly, either, so let’s just slow our roll. I cook, I clean, I leave him sticky notes with love-y notes and smiley faces on the mirror for him to wake up to, and I haven’t broken up with him even though his giant boots are in front of the door every single day just waiting for me to trip over and break my neck. And I never, ever bring that up to him because I pick and choose my battles like any good partner does.  

Um, but then this morning he totally won. (and yes, of course marriage and partnership is a contest. No duh.)

And how, you ask, did he win?

Because the other day I was laughing about how every single morning I wake up to find that I’ve somehow removed the pillow case from the pillow I put between my knees while I sleep. I mean, if I tried to do this with just my legs during my waking hours, I’d totally fail. However, when I fall asleep, I apparently become a magician with powers greater than any of us can comprehend. I wouldn’t be surprised if a rabbit emerged from that pillowcase while we’re all sleeping.

I’m just saying.

But then CB dropped a bomb on me that blew my mind:

CB: “You also do that scratching thing in your sleep. You’re a very active sleeper.”
Me: “Wait, what scratching thing?”
CB: “A few times a week, at least, you’ll go to roll over and just start scratching your arms for a minute or two and then stop.”
Me: “Wait, WHAT? I scratch myself in my sleep?”
CB, laughing: “Yep, all the time.”
Me: “That can’t be true.”
CB: “It’s true! The first few times you did it, I thought you were awake. But then I’d talk to you and you were totally out and I finally realized that it’s just one of your sleeping rituals.”
Me: “I don’t know how that’s possible.”
CB: “I swear! Next time you do it, I’ll videotape you.”

Cut to:

This morning. I woke up, checked my phone, and saw that I had a text message from CB that was sent to me last night at 10:38pm. I’d been asleep for an hour.

Oh my God, you guys!

Me: “This is the most insane thing I’ve ever seen!”
CB: “I told you.”
Me: “I’m like one of those people who sleep-eats. But I sleep-scratch!”
CB: “Yep. All the time.”
Me: “Oh my God. I don’t know how you go to sleep with me every night. Between the sleep scratching and that eye mask, what on earth are you thinking?”
CB, laughing: “You’re a keeper.”

No, CB, you’re a keeper. You win.

Happy Wednesday, everyone!  


  1. This is awesome! I'm so glad I found your blog! I use an eyemask too. And sometimes I just use something shaped like the eyemask, but there isn't a strap on it. It's like a tiny pillow full of lavender and it smells so nice. --Amanda

    1. I'm so glad you found my blog, too!! (how did you find it, btw?) Also, i LOVE when I get a new eyemask and it has that lavender smell and it's all comfy and soft. Mine now is kind of too big for my head and falls off a lot, but I've been too lazy to buy a new one. Perhaps this video will motivate me? Probably not.

  2. I love how stealthy CB is while recording you. Imagine David Attenborough's voice doing the narration/voice over: *speaking low so as to not wake the sleep scratcher. "Here in her natural habitat we observe Becky, sound asleep. There she is scratching the one arm. More of a loving caress, really. Now she's moved to the other arm. Satisfied with the job well done, both arms go under the covers and she snuggles down for a long winter's nap. Yup."

    1. I know! hahaha that just made me laugh out loud.

  3. I gotta admit I was a little creeped out by that. It was just so methodical but gentle. At least you aren't claws out scratching yourself.

  4. That was the best thing ever. Seriously. I wouldn't even call it "scratching"... more of a sensual caress. That sounds so sexual, sorry. Actually though, my ex used to do this in his sleep as well. Like, *exactly* what you're doing. Arm up in the air, slowing running his other hand up and down. Weird. You guys are weird. But, I love it.

    1. Hahhaa I have no idea what I'm doing or why I apparently do it so often!

  5. Alright, so I read your blog all the time but I don't think I have ever commented. Because laziness. However, your dreamlike sleep-scratching lured me in. That is coconuts. I agree with Lydia on the methodical but gentle. Like you are seducing yourself with your gentle scratching. I don't know how CB is not dying of laughter. I'd call you a weirdo but I feel like I should build up a repertoire with you before I do just know that I am thinking it.

    PS - I like your blog, dawg.

    1. I'm so honored that my creepy scratching has finally gotten you to comment! Um, also, I had the exact same reaction - if I had been CB, I would not be able to stop laughing. Sadly, he's so used to it that it's not even weird or funny, it's just Bedtime with Becky.

      I'm glad you like the blog!!! And I hope you'll comment again :-)

  6. This made me laugh, I do that too! I also talk in my sleep very embarrassingly sometimes!!
    I've nominated you for the Liebster award so please check my blog and give it a go!
    Annie :-)

    1. Thank you for the nomination! I'll do it now...keep an eye out for the post. :-)