Wednesday, January 16, 2013

And then Tina Fey and I cried together while listening to Bon Iver.


So last night I was spending my fourth night on the couch watching terrible* television and being sick of being sick, when I decided to check my blog inbox.

Ok, first of all, I don’t know who the R&D team is who figures out what emails should be sent to what person, but boy do they have me pegged. I simply can’t get enough cute notes from barely legal girls who are dying to meet me and offers for a free online subscription to Cialis.

But after totally clicking through on all of those offers, I got to two emails that really made my night. And by “made my night” I mean “may or may not have made me cry and then text Courtney.”

Me: Uh, I’m getting hate mail from people who are apparently insane and love Downton Abbey.
Court: Are you for real?
Me: Yeah. I got called stupid twice. Also, sign that my hormones are NOT in check? I started crying. I’m a crybaby.
Court: Just today you’re a crybaby. Any other day you could tell them to f themselves.
Me: Man, blogging is like dating. You try it out, and when it works, it’s amazing! But when you have a bad date, it’s like you vow never to go out there again. And also sometimes you have to answer questions about wearing lingerie while watching Jag at a dive bar.

Oh yeah, that happened. My 20s were incredible.

So then I decided to call it a night and totally not think about all of the mean things these people said.

Until I got into bed and re-read both of them while listening to sad music and doing that thing where you hold back your cry so much that it hurts your esophagus.

But then I decided to act like a normal human and be rational. I mean, this isn’t my go-to move, rationality, but it’s something that creeps up on me every now and again and boy, does it come in handy! Of course, my rational mind may not look like other people’s, since the first thing I thought of is how people rag on Tina Fey and I love Tina Fey and think she’s hilarious, whereas other people devote their entire waking hours to talking about how un-funny she is.

And since Tina Fey and I fall into most of the same categories when it comes to our comedic bodies of work, it was an understandable go-to move on my part.

But then I kept going over in my head something that this one email said: “You’re clearly not very bright, and when stupid people say stupid things, they should expect others to call them out on it.”

First of all, I took the Jeopardy practice test online the other day and I totally got 70% of those answers correct. Granted, one of them was “THIS SINGER RENAMED HERSELF "SASHA FIERCE" FOR A 2008 DOUBLE ALBUM” and I may or may not have yelled out “Beyonce!” as I made my “suck it” face to the computer and said “Boom.” Still,  though, it counted towards my total correct answers, and for that, I’m sad for America.

But whatever. The second place my rational mind took me to was all of the other emails I get from you guys on a weekly basis that are funny, supportive, and entertaining, and so perhaps I need to just let the haters hate.

Also, I tend to go into “gangsta” mode after crying because it makes me feel like more of a badass who can handle anything while tucked into bed with my cell phone and Bon Iver playing.

Nothing says “thug life” more than Bon Iver. Truth.

"We will cut you."
Anyway, I suppose the real moral of this story is twofold: one, I’m grateful that anyone reads this blog and comments, so if a few people who hate me and my stupid stupidness get in there, so be it. And two, you Downton Abbey folks take this stuff seriously! My bad, PBS, my bad. 

Happy Wednesday, everyone!

*AMAZING

31 comments:

  1. Aww, boo to the haters. I'm going to dispense the wisdom of my mom your way: people who make hurtful comments like that are only doing so to make up for something which is lacking in their life. Like a life.

    Really?

    You got called stupid because of your opinion on a TV show? People are that riled up about a show? On TV? Maybe they should find something else to be passionate about. Like helping puppies, or sheltering the homeless or something. Or maybe they should be taking Cialis because something in their life has to be lacking, and I usually point to the penis in cases like this.

    You're awesome, you're hilarious, and when you aren't able to post, a bit of my soul dies, and my workday hurts my heart. Just sayin'.

    Also - when I'm sick, I've been known to cry because the blanket feels icky against my skin and keeps bunching up weird. Bugs are assholes who make us more sensitive sometimes. If there was a Tina Fey vitamin, it would work better than Cold FX.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And this is why you're awesome. Right?? WHO gets that riled up about a tv show? My rational brain this morning - after 10 hours of sleep - felt much better about it and I decided to taunt the haters by blogging about them.

      I'm sometimes not nice.

      But you're SO right about the being sick and crying thing...let's blame that and not the fact that I might be emotionally unstable!

      Delete
  2. Haters are going to hate, no matter what we fabulous, funny and totally spot on in our observations people do or say....You just keep on keeping on and take the bad comments for what they are worth, which, in my estimation, is less than 1/1,000,000th of what the good comments are worth!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You're so right! Thanks for your support!

      Delete
  3. You got hate mail? I'm not going to lie. I'm a little jealous. I mean, that's like a huge sign that you're kind of making it in the blog world. Go you! ;P

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hahaha does that mean I've arrived? Really? Then the tears were worth it, thanks!

      Delete
  4. It's always amazing to me when people take the time and emotional energy to type up a scathing hate email when they don't like something. Why don't you just ignore a blog if you don't like what they are saying and save yourself some energy?

    I think you're incredibly funny and I check your blog daily for new posts (sometimes every couple of hours if there's nothing to do at work)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Right??

      And thank you! Wow, you check it daily? I need to up my game! Or...keep you wanting more. :-) It's like dating.

      Thanks for your support!

      Delete
  5. Yup! Agreed with all that everyone said! I love your blog and read it every day. And SERIOUSLY?? Someone is upset you don't like Downtown Abby?? Methinks they should get some sort of life - its a TV show. And not a good one, in my opinion. (she says......desperately waiting for Season 3 of Homeland......guess I need a life too :)

    Tiny Fey is HILARIOUS and anyone who doesn't think so is just plain wrong.

    You're awesome!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I know, right? I thought the same thing. I mean, it's not even like I said anything BAD about Downton Abbey! Plus, um, get a sense of humor, people, and relax.

      Thanks for your support! And for reading! You're awesome, too!

      Delete
  6. Becky, please don't let those hurtful comments get you down. I love Downton Abbey but I'd never think anyone stupid for not agreeing with me about it. I think that because the show is so emotional, people feel offended when others don't feel the same connection to the story and characters. Seriously, I watched all of season 3 the other day and found myself a ball of emotion curled up in bed wondering why I still love this show when it hurts me so. I don't think you should take it personally, they are just projecting their emotions on to you. Please know that you are, in-fact and not just allegedly, awesome.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Haha, I had no idea it was so emotionally draining! Makes sense. But see, you're all nice about it while this person clearly didn't have anything better to do with their time......

      And all of these kind comments definitely help! You are, in fact and not just allegedly either, awesome. :-) Thank you!!

      Delete
  7. Once, I wrote a blog about how this guy who used to do square-dancing at my elementary school (real) embarrassed me in front of my whole class (real) and his son found the blog and emailed me and told me to go to hell. So it could be worse?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh holy hell, seriously? Also...I kind of need to read that blog NOW.

      Delete
  8. “You’re clearly not very bright, and when stupid people say stupid things, they should expect others to call them out on it.”

    Because it's her job, right? People are such penises sometimes. I think you're a riot. I'm with Lisa. I stalk your blog daily. Embarrassing? No, not really. Keep up the very funny work.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I love that you stalk the blog, too! I'm flattered. AND, not that it matters, but the email was from a guy, which for some reason, just made it weirder? He was REALLY into Downton Abbey and was offended that I'd compare it to a "third-tier American reality show about slobs." Um...you're a jackass.

      Thanks so much for your support!

      Delete
  9. I think your blog is amusing, and don't care to take the time to watch Downton Abbey. Maybe people should be a little less pretentious. Not everyone likes all the same things.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you! And I wholeheartedly agree about everyone not having to like the same things! Thanks for reading. :-)

      Delete
  10. My dear.... You. Have. ARRIVED.

    You're not a real blogger until you get the hate mail. That means you've started to say things that people are noticing and actually reacting to. It means you've not only gotten their attention, and their reaction, but they feel you are someone that is ~worthy~ of a (negative) response.

    I'm a teacher in my day job and I've found that if you're going to inspire you're also going to upset. I don't really ~like~ when a student doesn't like my class, but when I can get them engaged enough to have an opinion, positive or negative, it means I've gotten them engaged. And that's half the battle right there.

    Congratulations on your accomplishment!

    Now keep provoking. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much!! I love your perspective on this. Maybe just getting them engaged is half of the battle for me - but what's funny is that I don't think of this blog as provocative in any way. But hey, maybe it comes in all shapes and sizes? I'm just so glad you read, thanks so much for your support!

      Delete
  11. i've never understood hating on someone for not being exactly like you and having the exact same tastes in shows. THAT is stupid. i think you are hilarious and not stupid, so i'm sure someone out there thinks I'm stupid for thinking so.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Haha well I'm certainly not one of them! Thank you so much, I really appreciate your comments! And that you're a reader. :-) Thank you!!

      Delete
  12. You're completely hysterical and I love your blog! People who take the time to write mean things to others are mental and don't deserve your tears or energy thinking about them. Keep on doing your thing and don't listen to the haters. They suck.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh thank you, Karen!!! I love that you read the blog and I'm so glad you like it!
      Thanks so much for your support. :-)

      Delete
  13. I love Downton Abbey and I really enjoyed this post. Happy SITS Day!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks so much!! And thanks for stopping by (come again!)

      Delete
  14. Hi, I love your blog! I've tried to subscribe by email and it said that this feed is not set up for email. Did I just do something wrong, I'd love to get email updates!!!
    ~Kylie
    www.kylieminteriors.ca

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's quite possibly because technology and I are in the hate stage of our love/hate relationship and I don't know how to set up an email feed. BUT, I'm thrilled that you want to follow me, thank you!! I love new followers!

      Try some of these: you can "follow" the blog on the right-hand side there, and I *think* it'll send you email updates when a new post goes up. Also, if you follow my page on Facebook, you'll see the updates there.

      Thank you!! So excited to have a new reader!

      Delete
  15. "HATERS" by Ice-T:
    [Ice-T impersonating his player haters]
    Yo knitter, this club is whack as shoot
    Word man, make shoot as bullshoot
    I'm telling you man
    Ain't nothing up in here but some butter-sass knittaz
    Man, fudge these knittaz, right fudge them
    These scary sass bores ain't trying to give a knitter no rhythm
    Fudging crass ditch, fudge these ditches
    Let me stop this ditch here
    I ain't supposed to know that's a fudging wig
    Tired sass ditch, ditch got weaves and shoot
    Trifle sass, sore sass, ditch
    All these knitters up in here ain't nothing but some mouth fudging marks
    Fuck them, right, fuck these niggaz
    Ain't that, that buttercream knitter Ice-T?
    Fudge him, hell yeah, punk sass ditch
    That knitter doesn't know nobody
    Who the fudge the mouth fudger thinks he is?
    Fudge him, that knitter got all jewels and ships like the knitter can't get got
    Duck my stick! I give a FUDGE man!
    Knitter we should get that knitter right now, man
    Let that knitter know what fudging time it is!

    I have NO idea what any of that means, but is Ice ever without a life lesson? NO. So, you know, haters gonna hate. (PS Making this song PG13 took me about fifteen minutes. Totally worth it.)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. No, you are! And Lady Sybil has a neck like Danica Patrick. Shots fired. And I LOVE Downtown Abbey which is a television show. That is make-believe.

      (I was going to quote a line from the above but I'm not sure what is and isn't a compliment?)

      Delete