Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Judging other people's joy and why I shouldn't be allowed on Pinterest.


So you know how people who get to be super-old say stuff like “Back when I was young” or “In my day…” and then everyone rolls their eyes and takes pity on the poor old person who can’t get hip to the ways of today?

Yeah, get ready to roll those eyes of yours because this thirty-something old timer is about to lay it down.

Ok. Yesterday I was reading a benign article where the person was asking about etiquette or something, and they mentioned a “gender-reveal cake party.”

Uh, two things wrong here: 1, I was reading something about etiquette? I know, but I like to fit in with the natives sometimes.  But 2, this can’t be real.

So I Googled it.

Holy crap, you guys, we’ve all lost our minds! The first few things that popped up were Pinterest Boards for various “gender reveal cake ideas.” 

Wait, none of you guys reading my blog have done this, right? If so….uh, don’t read any more of this post and perhaps maybe you wouldn’t like me in real life?

Also, I’ve now started a Pinterest Page that totally gives away my gender: a chandelier in the bathroom, hot pink Kate Spade shoes, fancy headboards, and how to make the best White Strawberry-Lemon Sangria.

No, just kidding, that's CB's page.

It's....a girl? Give me a break
guys, I was new. And sleepy!   
But back in my day (there it is!), I’m pretty sure my mom was like “Hey Dave, it’s a girl. Also, pass the lasagna.” But fine, whatever, we all know I like to celebrate pretty much anything, so if there’s, like, a reason to celebrate Tuesday, I’ll probably get on board. 

So I can get down with the idea of being all cutesy and stuff by revealing it to your partner with some clever Pinterest idea that your husband makes you promise you’ll never tell anyone about so that he still gets invited to watch football on Sundays with the guys. Fine, deal, now open your pink flower balloon cupcake and let’s celebrate the miracle of life. 

But come ON, people, you’re going to make your poor friends go to a party where they all have to sit around and wait for a pink or blue cake to come out so they can squeal and be super excited? Oh wait, do you hate your friends? Then that makes sense.

Sidebar: If you’d like to invite me to such a party, I will squeal in excitement, but only if I get the pink or blue flower on top of the cake. I for real love sweets. Truth.

Also, I know I sound a bit militant about this, which is a perfectly rational reaction to something you disagree with, but the moment I read it I figured I’d have some “Amen’s” in the audience. Yes? No? 

Anyway, perhaps the moral of this story is that I’d like to speak for the masses and beg of you who are getting married and having babies to please not make me go to more parties outside of the traditional 114 or so that are currently acceptable.

And I, in turn, promise to forget that I made you make that promise when I get married or have kids because I for real love to party. True story.

Happy Wednesday, everyone! 

29 comments:

  1. First off, I love your blog. You are a hilariously good writer!
    Secondly, I too read DP and saw the "gender reveal cake" and was all like "wait....what? No, this can't be real. But, then there's cake....so maybe." Can't we just skip the dramatic gender reveal and go right to cake?

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    1. First off, THANK YOU!!!
      Second, I totally, 100% agree with you. I'm all for just skipping right to the cake!

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  2. I always thought that the "Gender Reveal" was okay only as long as it doubles as the baby-shower. Having a baby-shower, plus a gender reveal, plus all the others is just nutty.

    Of course I'm a guy so it's all just "way too much work" in my mind. Have people over, put on Kinect Party, and at some point have cake. That's all I think these afairs need....

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    1. Totally on board with doing an all-in-one kind of party, have a field day if that's the case. But these people I was reading about were having a party for each individual thing. WHO has that much free time?

      Plus, I'm just thrilled that you're a guy and you read my blog. :-)

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    2. Hey, I figured someone should hang around to quietly cheer for CB. :)

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    3. I totally think it's too much work to have more than one party for a new baby. Just send out shower invites with "It's A [insert gender here]!" in them and be done with it already!

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  3. Amen!! My son and his girlfriend did this and I was caught during the "reveal" rolling my eyes about 100 times by my son. The party was huge and no it wasn't included in the shower. Good lord, people. I too had NO idea what she was talking about when she kept mentioning "The Gender Party" and she has to explain what it was and I said can't we at least call it a "Sex Party"? :) (they didn't like my idea)

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    1. Oh my God you're awesome. YES! Thank you! And, um, if they called it a sex party this would be a TOTALLY different blog and there'd be no complaining! :-)

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    2. Well, technically, she's right.. it should be a "sex party" because gender is the social construction of sexual identity (say what???). Think about how "Juana" is going to feel looking back at all her mom's old "gender reveal" pictures from when she was first known to the world as "Juan"...or perhaps more concerning, how Juana's mom is going to feel looking back... Doh!

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  4. Again with the "Let's Celebrate EVERYTHING Events" This is how kindergarten graduations started!!
    This seems so idiotic! Please don't ask me to pretend to care about a ridiculous party, please don't ask me to squeal in "delight" when the cake is cut and PLEASE don't make me buy gender neutral baby shower gifts. That's totally the worst. Can there be uglier baby clothes out there? Doubtful. Let me buy an adorable dress or a plaid sweater vest. Thanks!

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    1. Haha you're right, this is totally how we got to kindergarten graduations!

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  5. Ok my daughter did this but it was to pacify several family members who felt slighted to not be first on the list to be informed of the gender. It was small, just close family. When they cut the cake, she didn't even know if it would be pink or blue. She had the doc tell the baker and no one else. The funny thing, (you'll love this) when my daughter first started planning this didn't know what to call it. She's a pretty laid back girl when it comes to etiquette and stuff. Anyway we were having a conversation via text and she kept calling it "the baby sex party". I told her she needed to start referring to it as gender. I'm pretty sure we are both on some sort of watch list now.

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  6. The gender reveal party is step one of the couple saying to their friends, "get ready we are having a baby that you all now have to be thrilled about 100% of the time and this is the first of many parties you will be forced to attend to celebrate my child". I have a 16 year old and a 13 year old. This was not a thing then, I assure you. I found out they were boys at my ultrasounds and then called the Grandparents and said "it's a boy!" and got sensible gifts for boys at my showers. I am quite pragmatic, as you can see! Super easy.

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  7. Oh weird. Seriously. After theGuy and I received baby clothes for Christmas from his mother (I am not pregnant, nor are we trying, or ANYTHING!), he asked me what I would do if I found out right that second that I was pregnant. Since we just got married last July, my immediate reaction was "run and hide so I don't have another year of showers and smiles and pictures and politeness and thank you cards." Because, seriously - that shit's exhausting.

    I love being the center of attention, but the "Me" show does get old! However, I agree - I might just do it so I could invite my mother-in-law and grandparents to a "sex party" because that would be amazing!

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    1. I'm right there with you! Also, um, receiving baby clothes when you're not even pregnant? I'd have a panic attack!

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    2. Not pregnant and not even TRYING. And what if we HAD been trying and I'm BARREN or something. Not a very nice thing to do.

      I didn't have a panic attack, but my fork started speaking to me, saying how much it would love to be lodged in my in-law's eye....

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  8. Visiting from SITS - love your opinion on gender reveal parties and couldn't agree more. I thought they were a joke the first time I heard about them, too! Why can't you have your friends over just for the reason of enjoying each other's company? Thanks for sharing:)!

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  9. LOL! LOL! My BFF did something somewhat similar. Not just a gender reveal party though! She revealed the sex AT her baby shower. Well actually, my other BFF and I revealed it because she didn't know either. It's what she wanted, so we obliged, but I agree a "gender reveal party" is a bit much...LOL. Stopping in from SITS!

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    1. What is SITS and is it funny?

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    2. It's a blogging website, you should check it out!
      http://www.thesitsgirls.com

      You can find any blog you've ever wanted to read on there.

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    3. Uh oh. Danger. And...... I'm fired. :)

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  10. OH. HELL. NO. I will never care about, acknowledge or attend a baby sex party. I know what you were reading (I'm reading about the pedophile dentist right now in another tab!)and I think I aged 100 years as I was exclaiming to myself about "the kids today" and "who DOES that" and "nobody gives a sh*t" Is the party cake industry behind this? Is there a secret party planner lobyy we are unaware of? It is unacceptable. I am going to have to side with the Dowager Countess of Gratham on this one: vulgar!

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    1. I love that you knew what I was reading! I'm addicted, I read her every week.

      Also, laughed out loud at your comment.

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  11. Did you snort snot out of your nose? Seriously, this flu epidemic has got to end. I had to wear a mask at the doctor's office, like a PLAGUE VICTIM.

    She is kind of a nut - most of her advice is good but sometimes I am like.. settle down judgy-wudgy. Also, people are CRAY-CRAY!

    Did you see Claire Danes (bringing in the Homeland connection) on the cover of Elle this month? She looks like Courtnie Love (a few facelifts ago) and her dress isn't zipped up all the way as if she ate too many spiral cut hams over the holidays. It is AWFUL.

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  12. Amen. I hadn't heard of this before, but seriously! I can't believe how people now celebrate everything. I'm not big into parties; people are lucky if I'll even attend their wedding. I just don't have the energy for a lot of celebrating. Throwing parties is definitely not on my to do list. I will clean once a year and have some ladies over for book club, that's my limit (I clean more than once a year I just don't have people over more than once a year -- that was confusing). No decorating for anything but Christmas and a little for Halloween. To me decorating is just making a mess I have to clean up soon. Why would I create mess?

    Have you heard about the new parties? They are having sonogram parties now. There are people with portable sonogram machines who will come to the party, the pregnant lady gets up on the table, and eveyone watches as she has a sonogram to find out the sex of the baby. Can you imagine? Oh, my heck!

    We have such a self-involved society now. I think social media has made people believe everyone wants to know everything that's happening in their lives because all of it matters. Well, it doesn't. It bores me to tears. I hope I don't get invivted to any of those parties. I don't fake "thrilled with your life" well.

    Great post. Stopping by from SITS.

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