Monday, July 22, 2013

Conversations from Cohabitation

Last week we were standing on our balcony watching the sunset. The sky was a gorgeous pinkish purple and the sun was bright orange, far too bright to actually look at.

CB: “Why are you turning the other way?”
Me: “Because the sun is too bright, I can’t look directly at it.”
CB: “But it’s a sunset. You’re supposed to, you know, watch the sun actually setting.”
Me: “Right…but do people actually do that? Like, I can watch in the vicinity of the sunset, but I can’t actually watch the sun setting because then I will be blind.”
CB: “Really? It doesn’t bother me at all.”
Me: “Are you looking directly at it?”
CB: “Yeah, that’s what you do when you watch a sunset.”
Me: “But you’re not supposed to look directly at the sun! Didn’t you learn that in, like, first grade?”
CB: “I don’t think that applies to sunsets.”
Me: “Um, I think it applies to the SUN, so yeah, it applies to sunsets. Oh my God, stop looking directly at it! You’re going to burn your corneas!”
CB: “Wow, I’m glad I called you out here to look at the sunset with me. This is really relaxing and romantic.”
Me: “It’s eye safety! That’s no joking matter!”
CB: “I love you,  too.”


While watching CB squinting to read the text on the tv screen, this conversation happened:

Me: “You really should get your eyes checked.”
CB: “Why?”
Me: “Because you have bad eye site.”
CB: “No, I just don’t see as well as you.”
Me, staring at him.
CB: “Plus, I wasn’t squinting just then to see the tv, I was thinking.”
Me: “Ok.”


Me: “Maybe you don’t have good eye site because you can stare directly at the sun without looking away? I believe you may have burned your retinas.”
CB, laughing: “It’s possible.”
Me: “Or that you’re just blinded by my beauty on a daily basis.”
CB: “Yeah, that’s probably it.”


CB: “Sometimes I wish it would have been my hearing that would go and not my eye site…”
Me: “That makes sense.”


Groaning and holding my stomach after dinner.

Me: “Why don’t I have portion control when it comes to dinner?”
CB: “I do not know.”
Me: “Ooooooh…I’m so full.”
CB: “I actually didn’t think you ate very much tonight.”
Me: “I know, right? But my stomach is really bothering me. I’m sensitive.”
CB: “You are.”
Me: “I’m a delicate flower.”
CB: “Yep, with crazy petals.”


CB: “Do you want a Tums?”
Me: “Do we have Tums?”
CB: “I actually don’t think we do.”
Me: “Um…then no.”

While I’m still holding my stomach and looking sad, CB walks into the bathroom and comes out with a Pepcid tablet.

CB: “Here, take this.”
Me: “What’s that?”
CB: “Well, it says it’s for heartburn and acid indigestion. Do you have acid indigestion?”
Me: “I don’t know, do I? I don’t know what that feels like. Is that what this feels like?”
CB: “I don’t know, just take it.”
Me: “It won’t hurt me?”
CB: “Well, either it’ll help or it won’t, but if it doesn’t, what’s it going to do, make your stomach hurt?”
Me: “Good point.”

CB hands me the tablet.

CB: “It’ll taste a little chalky.”
Me: “Ew, I don’t want to eat something chalky!”
CB: “Well, it won’t taste good. It’s not candy.”
Me: “Ooooh, they should invent tablets that taste like candy!”
CB: “Well, it’s cherry flavored, so they tried.”

Five minutes later I’m lying on the couch reading and happened to glance over at the Pepcid bottle on the table.

Me: “Oh my God! The expiration date is from July 2011! It might kill me!”
CB, laughing: “No, it won’t kill you. It’ll just maybe not work.”
Me: “Did you know?”
CB: “Know what? That you’re crazy? Yes.”
Me: “No! That it was expired.”
CB: “No, but I’m sure that’s just a suggested sell date.”
Me: “Um, it says ‘EXPIRATION DATE.’ I’m pretty sure that means it expires.”
CB: “Well, does your stomach feel better?”
Me: “Actually yeah, a little.”
CB: “Then this conversation didn’t need to happen.”
Me: Story of your life.”

Happy Monday, everyone! 


  1. HAHA I love it but what I love most of all is your conversation about eyesight. John does the SAME thing to me!! I hate John when he complains that I should get my eyes checked (or the weird heat rash I got, or that I need new flip flops). Of course I can do all this to him without complaint because it's like your right as a girlfriend I think. HAHA.

  2. A delicate flower...with crazy petals!! Awesome!!! CB is a real prince for putting up with you, huh?! :)

  3. As long as the Pepcid doesn't make the coke explode when you put it in the bottle -- oh, wait, that's something else...

  4. I loved everything about those conversations. And proper eye care is important! The sun is no joke... staring into the sun is like staring into a giant laser beam of eye death and blindness.

  5. What the heck is he doing, staring at the Sun?? Is he crazy!! If he goes blind, then the two of you will have to start using echo-location and God only knows that will end in disaster... and broken toes.

  6. I'm so making the Taller Half read this post. Especially the delicate flower with crazy petals part. Of course he might say it applies to me, too, so maybe I won't let him read it. DECISIONS ARE HARD, OKAY.

    Also, staring at the sun? Total eye death. CB should listen to you!

  7. Google ”Cully Surroga He's Almost Blind” by Dory Previn. It's a very bizarre song about a kid who stares into the sun until he goes blind. (I remember this song from my childhood, because my parents had the album and apparently thought nothing of letting/encouraging a 7 or 8 year old listen to it!)

    By the way, CB's right about expired medication. I tell my patients it's not like drinking expired milk--it won't hurt you, but it might be less effective. Honestly, it probably isn't significantly less effective, though, especially if it's been in an unopened package, and I take expired meds all the time.