Monday, July 29, 2013


So this weekend I ventured into the world of Tiger Woods, Arnold Palmer, and that really cute Australian guy who won one of those tournaments on TV a few months ago and made me not hate having to watch golf all the time.

And obviously I’m a natural.

Of course, “naturals” whiff the ball a bunch, leave the third hole to go get beers, and kiss their opponent when he makes a great shot, right?

Ok good. Then yeah, I’m totally a natural!

You see, we were visiting friends down in South Jersey and I was the only one who’d never ventured out on the golf course as an adult. I mean, I’ve driven past golf courses and have always found the idea of getting a new outfit for a sporting event appealing, but I’ve really never had a desire to actually do any of it myself.

So what better activity for a sunny Saturday afternoon than making CB and my friends watch me perfect my golf stance and knock the ball into the water over and over?

Uh, is anyone else concerned that
my wrist is about to break off? Why
is it bent that way?
Um, golf is for-real tough, you guys. Have you done this? Was I the only one who was mocking golfers my whole life only to TOTALLY take it all back once I couldn’t even figure out how to hold the clubs right? 

Second of all, there is a lot of instruction. I mean, there was a point where CB was trying to give me pointers and I literally just started thinking about “Dirty Dancing” instead.

CB: “So keep your arms straight, your knees bent, your feet shoulder-width apart, your eye on the ball…”

And I just started singing “Hungry Eyes” in my head.

CB: “I don’t want to overload you with too much info, I know we’re just having fun.”
Me: “That’s ok, I kind of just stopped listening.”

However, the advice he and my friends gave me paid off a few times when I made a tough putt and hit a few balls about 150 feet or so onto the green, actually redeeming me in the eyes of the Golf Gods (and CB). Plus, for years people have been asking us why I don’t pick up the game so that CB and I could play together, and we would always look at each other and agree that it’s unnecessary to do everything together. But after this weekend, both of us admitted that it might be fun to get back out there together and hit the balls around.

Also, almost every phrase in golf is a euphemism for something dirty and I for sure could not play regularly AND remain a lady. So CB’s safe.

Happy Monday, everyone! 


  1. My secret to a good golf game, is to use that iron that is angled, almost diagonally. It lets me hit it really high. I don't use any other club.

    1. I have no idea which one that is, but the 7 seemed to work well for me!

  2. Golf is totally hard!! I always thought it was easy too. I'm actually a decent putter, but I SUCK at teeing off. I usually whiff or hit it with the wrong part of the golf club. I always try to blame it on my boobs getting in the way, which works when I'm with my dad because he doesn't know any better. But my sister is pretty good and she's well endowed, so it doesn't work with her....

    1. I used the boobs excuse, too, but it didn't work! (probably because my friend - a girl - was there, too, and she is totally good.)

  3. Seems like I remember some joke about a professional player attributing his success to the fact that his wife would kiss his balls before every game.