Wednesday, July 17, 2013

Things I Don't Understand When it's Hot Outside

In no particular order...

1. People who eat outside when it’s hot:
Yesterday I became disgusted with humanity as I walked down the street with anger on my face (and perhaps some perspiration) because the earth is trying to cook us all, you guys. It’s true. 

But, inexplicably, some people don’t seem bothered by it, and, dare I say, seem to embrace it. Which just bothers me more. So, I texted a few people to make sure that they are on my team and that I don't have to hate them, too.





Thank goodness I don't have to hate them in the summertime. Other friends? You're on notice. 

2. Looking stylish:
It's safe to say that I struggle with this even when my clothes aren't sticking to me. However, I find myself getting increasingly annoyed with Women of New York when I'm walking down the street with my hair in a frizz-bun and a polyester-blend dress from Forever 21 clinging to my thighs, while some woman in a strapless, effortless cotton dress and giant sun hat and sunglasses strolls by without a drop of sweat on her. She should be disallowed from roaming the streets alongside normal human beings who experience pain and perspiration.   

3. Working out: 
Ok, so I've been guilty of this several times, but that was a few years ago when I didn't belong to a gym and stupidly decided to sign up for a fall marathon. Hence, summer training. 

However, what I did not do was wear long pants. And this week I've seen, like, FIVE different people running outdoors in 100 degree temperatures with LONG PANTS ON. Come on, you guys! 

I came to the conclusion that they either (a) hated themselves and all of life or (b) were trying to make weight for some sort of wrestling competition later that day. 

Either way, though, I don't understand it and you actually make me feel hotter and a little nauseated when I see you doing that. So cut it out. 

4. People talking about how it could be hotter:
No, no it could not. Now shut it and quit tempting the heat gods! 

5. The subway stations: 
When you're praying that a train - ANY train - comes into the station just so you can get a blast of really hot, dirty air to break up the thick, sweltering air you're currently standing in, you know you've gone 'round the bend. However, what I fail to understand is why the Port Authority of New York and New Jersey, along with the MTA, decided that they hate us. 

I get not putting air conditioning on the platforms - it's expensive, it's costly to install, and you don't want to encourage people to be down there longer than they need to be. Fine. 

However, maybe just put a fan down there? As previously stated, we are not adverse to hot, dirty air blowing on us. It gives us the illusion of being 3 degrees cooler and doesn't make us think that we'll be dying alone with our iPods underground from sweating to death.

Also, you can then do that thing that you can only do with fans where you make your voice sound all freaky by standing really close to propellers and saying random words into it.  

So it's a win/win for everyone. 

Happy Wednesday! Stay cool! 

21 comments:

  1. I hate people who are stylish when I am sweaty. Do they not sweat? Is there some kind of antiperspirant I don't know about? A surgery you can have?? What give people?!?!

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  2. I live in South Florida for years and truly learned how to sweat gracefully. It was a necessity. I also learned the beauty of the body powder. Hie thee to the drug store and get a box of powder - the kind in a plastic roundy thing with a pouff on top. You can thank me later once you learn of the miraculous properties body powder contains.

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    1. You are my new favorite person.

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    2. Hmm..still new to Florida and never thought of that..Thank you!

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  3. Oh my gosh, all of this is so true. I've been going insane in this heat. I mean, I'm already pretty crazy... so adding 95 degree heat and humidity was not a smart plan, Mother Nature. Not a good plan.

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  4. I walked less than three city blocks to get my lunch and when I walked up to the counter, I had to pretend that it was totally normal that sweat was literally rolling down my face, my eyes, my neck, and that I almost always sport a sweat stache. Totally normal. I LOATHE this weather and am, for sure, looking into Megan's suggestion of body powder, because I am not even the same galaxy of the people who sweat gracefully. I look like a wilted sweat beast. Totally disgusting.

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    1. Hahaha I think we might be the same person!

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    2. "Wilted sweat beast" may be the most perfect description of what us sweaty people look like in this stupid heat ever. I'm totally using it. :D

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  5. Let me point out that the powder does not prevent the sweating; after the occurance of the sweating a "pouff, pouff" turns you from a glistening pig back into a dewy, fresh-faced lass.

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  6. UGH!! I hate being hot. And I am always freaking sweaty. I ride my bike two blocks and I'm sweating. To the point where people are like "did you just work out?" umm no, I'm sweaty.

    People who have perfect hair when it's hot look at me with my frizzy rat's nest ponytail had better watch it. I will cut them.

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    1. Ugh, seriously. Worst. I don't understand happy hot people (like CB. Or his entire family.)

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  7. I completely understand! I live in Florida-where I so don't belong. I have Rosacea so as soon as I step outside in this heat I look like I am dying..so damn red. I have honestly had people ask me if I am okay just from walking in from a parking lot...so nice to always look like I am having a heat stroke...

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    1. Ugh......I don't think I could handle living in Florida!!!! I give you a lot of credit!

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  8. OMG I love this - I just said yesterday that I don't understand the lack of fans in the subway stations - how hard could it be?!?!! I'm not one of those perfect NY girls either...I wonder who they are in real life though. I've never met one - just seen them from afar.

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  9. Those stylish people frighten me. I don't think they're people. Because people sweat. Because heat + humidity = sweat!!!

    People who eat outside when it's this hot? Flat out scare me. THERE IS AIR CONDITIONING IN BUILDINGS. WHY DON'T THEY USE IT AS IT'S MEANT TO BE USED??? I DON'T UNDERSTAND. (Yes, my confusion slash hatred over this needed caps.)

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  10. I'm too busy sweating to comment!

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