Conversations from Cohabitation

The other morning as we were both waking up, I commented to CB on how sweet he’d been in the middle of the night.

Me: “You were feeling all lovey randomly in the middle of the night, eh?”
CB: “You know me!”
Me: “It was great! I told you to stop snoring and you responded by telling me that you love me. It was such a nice surprise!
CB: “Wait, what?”
Me, laughing: “You don’t remember saying that last night?”
CB: “No, I remember….but I thought you said ‘I love you.’ So I was surprised and happy that you were randomly being loving in the middle of the night, since you’re usually just telling me to stop snoring and roll over.”
Me: “Which is what I was doing.”
CB: “Oh man! I thought you said ‘I love you!’”
Me: “Nope, I said ‘Stop snoring!’ and then you said ‘I love you’ and I said ‘I love you too’.”
CB, laughing: “Yeah, I thought it was strange that you responded like that, but figured you just wanted to double it up.”
Me, laughing: “Well, you stopped snoring and we said ‘I love you.’ Could’ve been worse.”
CB: “Or it could’ve been better! You could’ve actually said ‘I love you’ and let me be with the snoring.”
Me: “Well we both know that that’s not happening, so let’s take it where we can get it.”

***

While telling CB about the cute waiter at dinner the other night, I attempted to pay him a compliment. And failed.

Me: “He actually sort of looked like you! Dark hair, tall….except he was skinny.”
CB, mouth open: “Did you just call me fat?”
Me, laughing: “No! No! I didn’t mean it that way. I just meant that he’s got that, like, skinny build.”
CB: “As opposed to my fat build?”
Me: “Oh my God, it’s like talking to me. No! If anything, he was too skinny and you’re just right!”
CB: “That’s what you say to fat people.”
Me: “No, that’s what you say to people who are built just right. Like you. Oh my God, I swear I meant it as a compliment!”
CB, laughing: “So basically the waiter was younger and thinner than me. That’s the moral of this story.”
Me: “Well, yes…….but I didn’t say that those things made him better than you. You just assumed.”
CB: “Right, because older and fatter is what every girl wants.”
Me: “Oh my God, not fatter. You’re fit and trim!”
CB, laughing and mocking me now: “No, no, that’s fine. Your fat, old husband will just be over here folding your laundry while you go drink fancy wine with younger and thinner me.”
Me: “Wow, this marriage is really working out to my advantage!”
CB: “We didn’t even make it to the end of the year.”
Me: “But we gave it a valiant effort.”

Happy Monday!