Conversations from Cohabitation

Yesterday was Columbus Day, guys, so I was celebrating by being lazy and not blogging. BUT that means a special Tuesday post! You're welcome.

While watching a show the other night where someone was in the hospital:

CB: “You know, they really should come up with something nicer for people to wear while they’re in the hospital.”
Me: “Other than hospital gowns, you mean?”
CB: “Yeah, something a little more dignified.”
Me: “Yeah, hospital gowns are kind of the worst. And I can never figure out how to tie them.”
CB: “Exactly. And you’re already in a vulnerable position being in the hospital, so you’d think maybe something a little nicer? You know, just to make you feel a little better while you’re there.”
Me: “Like a fancy hospital tux, maybe?”
CB, laughing: “Well, it doesn’t have to be that fancy.”
Me: “No, I think a hospital tux would be just the thing to make everyone feel a bit fancier and more special while they’re getting surgery or whatever.”
CB: “This is why I don’t start these conversations with you.”

***

Me: “So I had a kind of naughty dream last night.”
CB: “Do I want to hear this?”
Me: “Probably not. But you’ll be happy to know that I had the opportunity to get it on with Bradley Cooper and I didn’t because we were married.”
CB: “Bradley Cooper, eh?”
Me: “Yeah, and it’s kind of annoying that, even in my dreams, I’m committed to you. I mean, in real life? Important. In my dreams? Loosen up, Beck!”
CB, laughing: “Well, I’m sorry that you didn’t have dream sex with Bradley Cooper.”
Me: “Um, me too.”

Silence.

Me: “We were in some gym, and he was, like, a personal trainer. And what was strange is that he wasn’t actually Bradley Cooper in the dream, but looked just like Bradley Cooper and I kept thinking that I should take his picture to send to my friends because they’d never believe that I had a look-alike trainer otherwise.”
CB: silence.
Me: “And he was, like, pursuing me. Which was awesome. But JUST when we were about to get it on, I thought better of it and was like ‘you know I’m married.’ And he didn’t really care and I thought about just going for it anyway….but I didn’t.”
CB: “I’m sorry.”
Me: “Seriously.”

Silence.

Me: “Do you ever have naughty dreams with celebrities or other people?”
CB: “I guess probably? But honestly, since we’ve been together, you’ve been in all of them.”
Me: “That can’t be true.”
CB: “I’m serious.”
Me: “Don’t say that on my behalf – I’m all for dream infidelity.”
CB, laughing: “I know, I’m not doing it on purpose, trust me! But you’re just always there!”
Me: “God, we’re really dream-lame. Even in our subconscious we’re hanging out with each other. We need to branch out.”
CB: “I’ll do my best.”

Cut to: later that night as I was getting into bed.

Me: “I hope Bradley shows up again tonight.”
CB: “And I hope I don’t show up.”
Me: “Me too! Total buzzkill.”
CB: “I love you, too.”