Friday Wrapup!

Let's get to it!

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I'm sure you guys have seen this already, but I can't stop laughing. Also, I got a note from a friend earlier this week - with a link to this video - saying "this reminded me of you."

Why?

Because I've publicly fallen off the treadmill before. Except I wasn't smart enough to start immediately doing push-ups as if I was just a hyper-active cross-trainer. I just laid there with my limbs splayed about, hoping nobody noticed.

***

This weeks book is...non-existent. I know! I actually meant to blog about Amy Poehler's new book, "Yes Please," which I read a few weeks ago. But I forgot. And now I'm too lazy to do it. SO THERE. Plus, you guys are busy last-minute-Christmas shopping those items I posted about on Wednesday, I'm assuming, so no time to read!

But starting in January there should be a handful of new book posts up there to get the year started off right, so stay tuned!

***

Yep, it's official: we've run out of things to do with our time.

***

So, this was going to be the original Video of the Week, but then the one below is actually, technically, the video of the week because it's that time of year and this is my blog and I can post old videos if I so choose.

HOWEVER, Bruno Mars in gold curlers singing this song is one of my favorites, and so I'm sharing essentially TWO videos of the week with you since next week I'll be MIA looking for Santa and my face pillow under the tree!

Enjoy!

AND!

Happy Friday and happy holidays and I'll see you all in a week!!!

This is Why the Terrorists Hate Us

So the other day I was perusing the internet looking for some last-minute gift inspiration, though overall, I was feeling pretty accomplished that I’d finished all of my Christmas shopping essentially by December 1st. I was even a little gloat-y – dropping that fun fact into conversations that had nothing to do with holiday shopping whatsoever, just to get the point across that I was totally on the ball this year.

But there was one person who was missing one thing and I couldn’t quite figure out what that one thing was….but I knew the internet would have the answer, and so I began my search.

However, this is one of the first things I ran into:

How is this real?

It's called the Ostrich Napping Pillow. Obviously. And this is its description: 

"Catch a quick nap no matter where you are and feel totally relaxed while doing so by covering your head with this comfortable ostrich pillow that encompasses your entire head and neck except your mouth and nose."

Now, if we could just get over the fact that the above was the longest run-on sentence written by someone other than Marcel Proust, we could jump ahead to the notion that anyone would feel "totally relaxed" while wearing this giant alien pillow around their face. 

Also, doesn't it look like he's doing it wrong? Are those arm-holes on the upper sides? Why is there hair ventilation? I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT IS HAPPENING. 

Cut to: 5 minutes later, I saw this: 

It's called The Canine Raincoat. And if your dog is wearing this, you should leave it out in the wild and remind it that it's a dog and doesn't need a face shield from water, princess (I'm mean to animals dressed as humans, this is not news.)

And then finally, I stopped looking after finding this:

I FOUND CB'S FAVORITE GIFT THIS YEAR. (he will blush just looking at this picture, which makes this entire blog thing worthwhile.)Your underpants aren't complete unless they have ears.

You're welcome in advance for giving you some incredible options for your last-minute holiday-buying needs.

Happy Wednesday!

Christmas Extravaganza

So, this year CB and I have had a hard time getting into the holiday spirit. Between crazy schedules and flying to Mexico the week after Thanksgiving, we sort of found ourselves at a point where it'd be way too much work to buy a tree, set it up, and then quickly stare at it for 6 days before leaving to visit my parents over Christmas.

And while I'd come to terms with this, CB had not. And subtlety is not his greatest strength.

CB: "It doesn't even feel like Christmas."
CB: "I can't believe Christmas is so soon. I walk into the apartment and it feels like any other time of the year."
CB: "I hope I can get into the Christmas spirit sometime soon."

And so, since I took a vow a few months ago to love and honor him, even when I'm tired and don't feel like hanging up Christmas decorations, I decided to surprise CB with a Christmas Extravaganza. Which basically meant that he was out of the house for a few hours yesterday and I strung lights over our potted plant, bought a nutcracker and a wreath, and tried to make the apartment sparkle so CB would feel more Christmas-y and I could go back to napping. Like any good wife would.

Yes, I was watching Hope Floats while decorating. Obviously.

Nothing shouts "Festive!" like a plant with lights on it.

And as an added bonus, below is my post from last season when I graded the health of our relationship based upon how we made it through the Christmas-decorating process. As any healthy person would.

Happy Monday!


***

This weekend, CB and I went Christmas tree shopping and got into the holiday spirit by allowing glitter and lights and jingle bells to throw up all over our apartment. It was magical.

However, there were several moments throughout the weekend where I realized that, when it really comes down to it, we can all pretty much get an inside look at the health status of the relationship based upon whether or not you break up over decorating your home. I mean, it’s not a completely scientific study or anything, but I’m pretty sure it’d hold up in peer review.

Health Check:

While shopping for our Christmas tree, I got to the lot a few minutes early and had a chance to walk around and check out our options. I immediately gravitated towards a perfectly plump tree towards the back that I just knew would be a perfect fit. I also named him “Plumpy” and then told Carlos, the tree lot manager, that I had to wait to see if my other half was on board. He was like “From the looks of things, you’re bringing this tree home whether he likes it or not. You named it.”

Um, excuse me Carlos¸ but I’m a team player and can totally let Plumpy go if CB finds one he loves. I name everything. (Have you met our toaster, Poppy, and our Pigeon that left three weeks ago, Harold?)

Also, this is why CB should really just not take me to do things like this because I get attached to inanimate objects quite quickly and project feelings onto them that perhaps the dead pine isn’t experiencing. But you don’t know that, so let’s just be on the safe side and assume Plumpy understood me when I promised him I wouldn’t leave him alone in the lot that day.

Anyway, after 30 minutes of CB looking at every tree except Plumpy, he circled back.

CB: “I think it’s a great tree, I’m just not sure if it’s tall enough.”
Me: “He’s perfect.”
CB: “It’s a he?”
Me: “Yes. This is Plumpy. But I mean, if you see something else you like, I’m totally open to that. This is a joint decision.” (or the conversation went something like that)
CB: “Jeez, you already named it….”
Carlos: “Sorry, man, you’re definitely going home with this tree.”
CB: “Yeah, that’s becoming pretty clear.”
Me: “No! I’m totally flexible! Which one do you like?”
CB, looking around: “Well…..”
Me, whispering to Plumpy: “Don’t worry, we’ll be right back.”

Cut to 15 minutes later when Carlos was tying Plumpy to the top of the car.

CB: “You were right. It really is a great tree.”
Me: “Thanks! I’m glad you’re happy with him, too.”
CB: “I’m doing this alone next year.”
Me: “Agreed.”

Health Grade: B+ (we get points knocked off for my mental health clearly not being top notch, but the plus is because at one point I was like “Sure, we can take this other tree I haven’t named.” But then CB realized it wasn’t plump enough and I secretly did a dance of joy over my ability to be compromising AND still winning. If this was a contest, which obviously it’s not.)

***

This is what compromise
looks like, people! 

While Carlos and CB were getting the tree secured on the roof, I started looking at the dozens of wreath options they had on display. As we all know, my affinity for glitter is strong and proud. However, when presented with a wreath that was literally covered in glitter ribbons, glitter fake fruit, and a bird with a glitter bowtie (festive!), I looked around at the other more classic wreaths and said “You know what? This is overkill. Also, I live with a man who puts up with a lot. So let’s go with the wreath that just has a splash of sparkle and make everyone happy.  

Health Grade:  A. This was a growing moment.

***

While getting the tree in place, CB needed my help making sure it was straight. Now, I’m not sure how many of you have done this with just two people, but it’s quite hard to be sure it’s straight when you’re holding the thing up while your partner is screwing it into the tree stand in what appears to be an upright, not-at-all-leaning fashion from the ground position.

But then when you back up you’re like “Ooooh, it’s leaning to the right.” And so he gets back down on the ground, moves it “Just a half an inch or so to the left” and then you stand back again. “Yeah, it’s leaning too far forward now.”

Cut to 25 minutes later when CB started to have an allergic reaction to the pine and was like “Really? Are you sure you’re not just leaning to the left?” and he made the face he makes when I can tell he’s holding in frustration specifically directed at me.

To which I saved our pending marriage by calling our friend Matt, who lives down the hall, to come hold the tree while CB adjusted it and I stood back making sure it was straight. Also, Matt kept agreeing with CB, which makes CB not feel so alone in this world.

Matt: “It looks really straight to me.”
Me: “You don’t think it’s leaning a little to the left?”
Matt, taking it from another angle: “Well maybe a little, but when it falls a bit it’ll even out.”
Me: “I’m not sure……”
CB: “Alright, I’ll move it a little to the right.”

Cut to: 5 minutes later when Matt and I were like “Yeah, it was better the way it was before.”

And then CB tried to take the ring off of my finger but I am quicker than him in the morningtime.

Health Grade: B- (CB is very patient and I have a good eye for design so the time and energy spent making sure was well worth it – and I’m pretty sure that’s a unified position we both mentally took while never having to say it out loud. However, I probably could’ve listened to him about 15 minutes sooner than I did, and so there’s some work to do in the next few decades.)

***

CB was in charge of lights and I was in charge of decorating the rest of the apartment and helping put bulbs on the tree. This went swimmingly and we high fived over our awesomeness as a Christmas-decorating team several times.

Health Grade: A

Happy Monday, everyone! 

Friday Wrapup!

Let's get to it!

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First, now that it's flu season, I thought this book would be perfect for book of the week. But in all seriousness, this is on my list of books to read over Christmas because I'm wild and crazy and that's what I call fun. Click here and check it out!

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Not much of anything has been going on this week. Except, as I mentioned, CB recorded the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show and then watched it 1.5 times. The .5 is because I came into the room just as it was ending and wondered who one of the performers was. He started telling me, I said I didn't know the song, and he rewound it so I could "hear the song." And then it stayed on a little longer than the song......and so Santa granted CB his wish this year.

***

And now, the Video of the Week.

Despite the fact that I don't wear wings or sparkle bras around the house, CB still loves me. And I know this because he texted this to me this morning: 

"30 years ago today the #1 song in the country was 'Out of Touch' by the pride of Philadelphia, Hall and Oates."

Now that's love. 

So to honor this anniversary, duh, I present to you....the Video of the Week. Happy Friday!

Conversations from Cohabitation: The Victoria's Secret Edition

Last night, I was in the bedroom and CB was out in the living room reading. As I was falling asleep, I called out from the bedroom.

Me: "Wait, I think the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show is on tonight."
CB, turning the tv on: "Did I miss it?!"
Me: "I don't know, but I think it's on CBS? Why I know any of this is beyond me, by the way."
CB, clearly turning to CBS: "Uh, it's Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, Beck."
Me: "Yeah, I don't know what to tell ya then."
CB: "What?!"
Me: "What?"
CB: "It's not on until 10!"
Me: "That's kinda late."

Silence.

CB: "This is bs that I'm not awake late enough to watch it."
Me: "I hate to break it to you, but if you're not up late enough to watch them, you're definitely too old to date them, grandpa."
CB: "Nonsense."

***

This morning, I noticed that we had an extra show programmed on the DVR and texted CB.

Happy Wednesday!

Spoiler Alert: New York is cold in December.

I’m baaaack! Lucky us.

Um, couple things:

First, CB and I kept the trend alive and continued to hold the title of “People Who Would Get Kicked Off of the Amazing Race First.” We got lost in two airports this weekend and one of them was in New York City.

Me: “Is it just us, or is this terminal actually confusing?”
CB: “I think it’s the terminal.”
Me: “But nobody else looks lost…”
CB: “That’s true….but it’s just a poor layout for a terminal. I mean, how were we supposed to know we had to turn the corner?”
Me: “I mean, I guess logic? But also, I think we’re just not meant for airports. The good news is that we’re great once we actually get to our destination!”
CB: “Yeah, but if we keep going at this rate, we’ll never get to our destination!”

Whatever, we eventually found Mexico, so all was fine.

Second, I’ve realized that I’m not as good at transition and change as maybe I thought I was? Because, while it was 85 degrees and sunny in Mexico, and I’m pretty sure I didn’t wear shoes for four days, back here in the Nor’easter capital of the world, it’s 30 degrees, windy, and overcast.

However, this morning for work I put on an outfit I’d wear in the springtime, complete with no socks, flats, and a light, cotton sweater that does not protect one from the elements. And then proceeded to tell myself that it was fine and that my winter coat, a hat, and no gloves would protect me just fine.

I’m not good at adult’ing sometimes. Besides, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: If I were a gazelle, I’d be the first one eaten at the watering hole. Plain and simple.

But the important part is….I’m baaaaaaaaack! Happy chilly Monday, everyone! 

And then someone made a CB sweatshirt.

Ok you guys, I’ve been a terrible blogger, what with the holiday and then, well, Monday. Forgive me!

We’re heading to Mexico tonight on an overnight flight that CB is insanely jazzed about. Mainly because he knows he’s traveling with me, and when we were going to and from Bali, I may have slept the entire way and perhaps even before the plane took off. Meanwhile, he watched four movies and acted as my shoulder-pillow, which I’m surprised he didn’t know was part of the package when he married me. So I'm looking forward to restful slumber and CB is looking forward to catching up on all of the plane movies. 

Regardless, we’ll be there for the rest of the week so WHAT WILL YOU DO. I don’t know, to be honest. Read the archives? Not get out of bed? All viable options.

OR, you can keep coming back to check out this picture of CB’s newest clothing item (and my left cheek and eyeball) and marvel at the fact that CB paraphernalia now exists in the world. You’re welcome. (Courtesy of Beth and Matt)

Also, CB thinks that this sweatshirt will make him famous because ONE time, someone recognized me in the gym because of my Friendapalooza sweatshirt and, I quote "if they recognize THAT, imagine what they'll do when they see CB wearing a CB sweatshirt!"

Imagine. 

Happy Wednesday and I’ll be back with tales from Mexico on Monday! 

It's Monday already?

You guys. I was off the grid for five days and so the fact that I even remembered to get up and go to work today was a small miracle. The fact that it only took me this long to realize I hadn't blogged is a large one. I'M SORRY PLEASE FORGIVE ME.

But I'll blog at you on Wednesday, so stay tuned! Meanwhile, have you guys read about my first Thanksgiving a few years ago with CB's family? No? Click here.

Happy Monday, everyone!