Wednesday, January 28, 2015

Conversations from Cohabitation

Future Mother of the Year (while watching “Modern Family” the other night):

Me: “Honestly, Lilly is the worst. I wish they would just kill her off or something.”
CB: “Um, Beck, they’re not going to kill a little girl character on a sitcom.”
Me: “I’m just saying.”
CB: “But I don’t understand why they don’t just replace her. Like, all of a sudden one week there’s just a new Lilly. I don’t think anyone would mind.”
Me: “Agreed. Like when they replaced Becky on “Roseanne” or Darren on “Bewitched.”


Me: “I mean, the entire world has to hate her, right?”
CB: “Well, hate is a strong word.”
Me: “If they don’t, they’re not paying enough attention.”


So we’re in the process of a move, and I decided to share some ideas with CB about how the new place could be even better!

Me: “So I have an idea for our new apartment.”
CB, skeptical: “Ok….”
Me: “I think we should implement a ‘no shoe’ policy.”
CB: “A no shoe policy?”
Me: “Yeah. So when you come in, you just place your shoes on the mat next to the door so you’re not tracking in dirt.”
CB: “How about we just don’t implement ‘policies’ into our marriage?”
Me: “It’ll be great. We could even put our slippers by the door to make it an easier transition for you.”
CB: “It’s easy right now.”
Me: “Right. But you wear your shoes all through the apartment and track dirt everywhere.”
CB: “I don’t track dirt everywhere.”
Me: “Um, you do. You wear them outside all day long, then come inside and your dirty shoes leave germs and dirt everywhere.”
CB: “There’s not scotch tape stuck to my shoe to attract the dirt, they’re not dirty.”
Me: “Do you not understand how germs are spread? Your shoes ARE dirty. You wear them outside. What are you not understanding.”
CB: “I would lick the bottom of my shoes, that’s how clean they are.”
Me: “You’re disgusting and you’ve got a deal. New policy: you can wear your outside shoes inside if you lick the bottoms of both shoes each time you walk through the door.”
CB: “This just went from bad to worse.”
Me: “My original policy isn’t sounding so bad now, is it?”

Happy Wednesday!


  1. Hah, I have had almost this exact conversation many times (only with less licking). I think it's a family thing, as I was raised in a slipper household. You know, like you have naked households and none naked households. Whatever you were taught was normal will just stick with you like germs on shoes.

  2. You are a master at logic and reasoning. If you were to offer a course I would be the first to sign up!

    1. Ha! I laughed out loud - I think my husband (and potentially parents) would disagree and my logic and reasoning skills...but I appreciate our confidence!

  3. Why do you hate Lilly so much? ha ha ha! A million years ago, every 10 minutes, they used to change guys on Days of Our Lives, some creepy mans voice would come in and say Brady is now being played by.... Here is my rant on shoes inside... I do like your no shoes in the house rule. Esp in winter. My husband comes in though and won't put them on the mat, he puts them in the middle of the floor and then i move them and I'm in socks and then my socks are all damp and cold. SO.FREAKING.ANNOYING. Only one room in our house has carpet, so it's extra dirty when shoes are worn inside, track marks all over tile, wet shoe marks leave ugly marks on hardwood.... Licking the shoes is a very good idea. I think maybe now CB is convinced?

    1. Um, have you watched the show? If you say that you think that little girl (who I'm sure is a great kid, yadda yadda) is at all a good actress, then we can't be internet friends. Or real life friends. Even if you ARE a Spartan! :-)

  4. I was so busy ranting about shoes that I forgot to sign my name. so... ---Amanda

  5. Ha ha Becky! I just ignore Lilly, she isn't a good child actress AT ALL, but feel like everyone else makes up for her. ---Amanda

  6. Um... that second policy - the shoe-licking one? - is AMAZING. Implement that RIGHT NOW.