Conversations from Cohabitation

While laying in bed reading, I started my nightly ritual of inserting ear plugs into my ears. To do so, I rub them really fast in between my hands. (also, CB's so lucky).

Me: “You know, every time I do this I feel like Mr. Miyagi.”
CB: “I think the exact same thing when I hear it.”
Me: “Really?”
CB: “Really.”
Me: “See, this is why we’re MFEO.”
CB: “Yep, it all comes down to the ‘Karate Kid’ for us.”

***

While laying in bed at a friend’s house over the weekend, we listened to the ceiling fan make a repetitive, rhythmical sound.

CB: “It sounds like the beginning of a song.”
Me: “It does, right? But I can’t figure out which one.”
CB: “I think it’s a Michael Jackson song.”
Me: “Yes! I couldn’t figure out what it was but that’s totally it! The disco one where he’s surrounded by all of those flashing lights and random blue screen images in the video.”
CB: “Yes!”

And then, without missing a beat, we started singing along to the rhythm of the fan. 

Because we’re intensely cool.

***

The other morning, I walked in on CB finishing up shaving in the bathroom sink. As he was cleaning up, he grabbed a tissue to wipe up the water.

Me, stating the obvious: “Are you using a tissue to clean up the water?”
CB: “Yeah, why?”
Me: “Why don’t you just use a paper towel?”
CB: “What’s the difference?”
Me: “Um, one is for cleaning up water and the other is for blowing your nose.”
CB: “But who cares? The tissues are right here.”
Me: “But they have lotion in them!”
CB, staring at me.
Me: “These are way more expensive than the paper towels! They have lotion!”
CB: “Uh and how much do these lotion tissues cost that using one to clean up will make a difference?”
Me: “One every DAY! And that’s not the point.”
CB: “You brought up the cost.”
Me: “Can you please just use paper towels?”
CB: “Yes. If this conversation will end, I will use paper towels.”
Me: “Thanks!”

Pause

Me: “Do these conversations sometimes make you question our pending marriage?”
CB: “Nope. They just reinforce what I already know.”
Me: “That I’m crazy?”
CB: “See? You can already read my mind. And yes.”

***

Friend: “Wait, you’ve never been to hibachi?”
Me: “Not that I can remember, no.”
Friend, to CB: “You need to take her to hibachi!”
CB: “Yeah, but every time we go on a date in public she draws attention to us.”
Friend: “What do you mean?”
Me, rolling my eyes: “Oh my God, I said ‘vulva’ too loudly one time at a restaurant and he still brings it up.”
CB: “Jesus, woman, you don’t have to repeat it!”
Me: “Um, ‘vulva’ is not a bad word.”
CB: “Everyone in the restaurant stopped and stared.”
Me: “Right, and then you started talking really loudly and weirdly about Volvo cars. As if that was going to help.”
CB: “It helped.”

Ten minutes later as we were sitting down to dinner, I was talking about ingrown hairs with our friends.

CB, turning to our friend: “This is why we don’t go to hibachi.”
Friend: “It's all starting to make sense now.”

Happy Monday, everyone!