Conversations from Cohabitation

So unfortunately for all society, CB happened to be in the room while I watched the cringe-worthy finale of the “True Tori” show the other night.

Me: “Nooooo no no no. Is he going to publicly sing? You know I won’t be able to watch it if he publicly sings.”
CB: “As if this show could get any worse.”
Me: “You know my weirdness around public singing, especially if he’s not good!”
CB: “You know you can turn it off, right?”
Me: “But I kind of have to stick it out until the end.”
CB: “You do not.”

Silence.

Five minutes later.

Me: “Oh God, he’s going to sing! Look!”
CB: “This is going to be terrible.”
Me: “Wait, do they have a guy playing the guitar while he sings about his affair at her? This can’t be happening.”

Singing begins. It is awful.

Me: “No no no no no. I have to turn it off.” (turning off the tv)
CB: “That was truly awful.”
Me: “Even I couldn’t make it through. That’s really bad.”

Silence.

Me: “Please promise me that you’ll never publicly – or privately – sing to me.”
CB: “Becky, I can promise you that the only person more uncomfortable with me singing publicly to you then you, would be me.”
Me: “This is why we work.”

***

Over the weekend, we spent some time on our balcony, which overlooks some other backyards, rooftops, etc. While out there, I noticed two young ladies sunbathing in bikinis on the roof literally right below our balcony.

Me: “Wow, that’s sort of genius. How did they get up there?”
CB: “I think they climbed through the window.”
Me: “Huh. I’ve never seen them before.”
CB: “Yeah, the only other time I saw them was last summer, the day we moved in.”
Me: “Really?”
CB: “Yeah, but I couldn’t tell if they were teenagers or not and then I just felt kind of dirty and old.”
Me: “Oh, they’re definitely teenagers. But they could be 18 or 19.”
CB: “Yeah well....”

Silence.

CB: “Oh God now they’re putting oil on each other!”
Me: “I’m actually witnessing your pain right now. This has to be rough.”
CB: “I mean, how much oil do they need?”
Me: “It’ll be alright.”

Cut to: yesterday afternoon. CB comes out of the bedroom dressed to go to the gym.

Me: “Have fun!”
CB: “Thanks. Also, our neighbors are back.”
Me: “The teenagers?”
CB: “Yep. And one of them appears to be sunbathing topless today.”
Me: “Oh man, I’m sorry. Now they’re just f’ing with you.”

Silence.

Me: “But I do think that they’re probably 18 or 19, so you don’t have to feel too badly.”
CB: “Well, that’s something I guess.”
Me: “Of course, if they’re 18 or 19 that would mean that when they were born, you were going into your freshman year of college.”
CB: “Seriously? Not helpful.”
Me: “I know, but if there are beautiful Latin women sunbathing topless on the roof next door, I have to have some fun, too!”
CB: “Well I’m going to go run 8 miles as fast as I possibly can.”
Me: “Best work-out of your life.”

Happy Monday, everyone!