In which I talk about a "hotbox" and private parts within the first paragraph.

*Editor’s Note: This post contains the word “hotbox” twice, “vulva” a bunch of times, and discusses the love lives of the Kardashians. Now you’ve been warned.

Ok seriously, you guys, what are earth are you looking for on Google? Because I was looking at the stats for this blog yesterday, and while I’m flattered that I came up when you searched for “mommy sexy hotbox,” I’m quite sure that the FOUR PEOPLE who searched that and came to this site were sorely disappointed. However, I would like to thank said four individuals for naming my future mommy blog. Something to check off of my to-do list.

Anyway, in the midst of judging other people who come to this blog looking for my hotbox, I realized that maybe I should put the gavel down and immediately delete my browser history.

It was a busy weekend. 

To be fair, CB was out of town and I got bored. Also, vulva lightening IS a thing and my mind was blown.  Which is why I sent Beth a text about it:

Me: “…something called ‘vulva lightening’ where – and I quote – ‘bleach is applied to the opening of the vagina.’ So, my vagina just closed up.”
Beth: “Pop culture? Guy married to Kourtney Kardashian is ‘going through something really big?’”
Me: “Well, Kourtney filed for divorce from Lamar Odom because he’s a drug addict.”
Beth: “Oh no the douchey guy that married the other sister…”
Me: “Oh wait, yeah, Kourtney is with douchey guy and Khloe was married to Lamar. Hmm, I know that Kourtney just announced she’s pregnant again.”

Me, googling.

Me: “Scott Disick? Jesus I should use my brain for good.”
Beth: “Can’t use brain…I’m actually watching the show.”
Me: “Oh man.”

Also, can we all take a step back to notice that she never commented on the vulva lightening? This is why our friendship has lasted 20 years.

Happy Monday, everyone! Clear your browser history!