Conversations from Cohabitation

Me: "God I love the morning."
CB: "Yes you do."
Me: "But I wish I could stay up later since you're such a night owl."
CB: "It's alright. It's weird that I could be tired all day, but the moment the sun starts to go down I'm wide awake."
Me: "I know, and when the sun starts to go down, I immediately get sleepy no matter how alert I've been all day."
CB: "You're like that book."
Me, looking confused: "What book?"
CB: "'Goodnight Moon, Goodnight Becky.'"

***

So, for more than a year, CB and I have had a shared Google Calendar where I put all of our plans. And, for more than a year, CB has not looked at it once. To be fair, it won't show up on his phone and neither we, nor any of our friends, can figure out why that's happening because all of his settings have it so that he should be able to see it, but Apple hates us, and so that's that. However, it does show up correctly on every other living computer, but somehow, he still hasn't had a chance to take a look.

This is clearly not something that ever comes up or gets discussed by me when I'm frustrated.

So you can imagine my surprise and excitement when I got an alert last week via email that he had cancelled something that was on our calendar (because the plans got postponed). I was so impressed that not only was he looking at our calendar, but updating it, that I responded to the email. I told him all about what I thought we could have for dinner now that our original dinner plans got cancelled and asked if he could pick up some of the ingredients, etc. I also referred to myself as his "pre-wife" and wished him a happy one week work anniversary.

And then I got this response.

Is that a penis?? I was appalled and embarrassed and a little ashamed of him on behalf of his parents who would not approve of his creative use of keys on the keyboard, I'm sure. But I bet he was just jealous that he wasn't having delicious fajitas for dinner that night. And that I wasn't his pre-wife.

Also, perhaps I should've noticed that the person in the picture isn't the man I've lived with for a year? Details.

Happy Monday!