Thursday, August 30, 2012

Ryan Gosling! Ryan Gosling! Ryan Gosling! And also George Clooney.

So you know how everyone has a super power, right? Well, my super power – other than my above-average skills when it comes to parallel parking – is that I have the uncanny ability to make things happen with just my mind. I mean, I can’t, like, bend steel or anything. Though to be fair, I’ve never thought hard enough about bending steel to really test that theory. But let’s just assume I can’t.
What I can do, however, is make really unimportant things happen after I say them out loud. Don’t be jealous, we’re all gifted in our own special way. Mine is just tremendously cool. Here are a few examples:
  • We were out with friends recently having a benign conversation about sports or something. I was only half-listening. But at some point I said something vaguely mean about Notre Dame. Know why? Because I hate Notre Dame. Anyway,  I mentioned them and then sort of meandered my brain out of the conversation. But because of my crazy abilities that are far out of the sphere of my control, within an hour of mentioning Notre Dame and their inability to suck any more than they already do, some dude in a Notre Dame shirt walked by. I looked over at CB who had a look of awe on his face and I just nodded and said “I know! I’m amazing.”
I mean, we had just been talking about how my brain is freaking us both out, and not in the normal way that it usually does. Granted, it’s not totally out of the question that someone would be wearing a Notre Dame shirt, but I can go days or weeks without seeing one – or noticing one – and then on the day that I mention them it appears. Coincidence? I think not. (also, don’t look up the definition of a coincidence.)
  • A few weeks ago I was re-telling CB a really compelling story about my trip to the furniture store down the street and how I was chatting with the couple who owns it about their other store in upstate New York. I know, right? It was gripping and he was hanging on every word. But during the conversation they mentioned that Michelle Williams and Mark Ruffalo are clients of theirs. This part of the story lasted about 5 seconds and then I moved along so I could describe furniture to CB that he was really excited to hear about. So fast forward to later that night when we decided to watch a movie and who should appear on screen but Michelle Williams and Mark Ruffalo!
CB: That’s really weird that you were just talking about them earlier.
Me: I know, it’s getting freaky. I’m really good at this. My mind is dangerous!
CB: Tell me about it.
Me: But seriously. I can basically just say something and then later it’ll appear. It’s a blessing and a curse because now I have to be careful not to think of anything bad! Which is going to be hard because now all I can think about is stuff I shouldn’t think about because that’s how brains work when you tell them not to do something. My brain is like an unruly child!
CB: I can’t hear the movie.
Me: I’m just saying my powers are greater than we both realized.

And then we continued to watch the movie in silence while I thought about all of the things I hoped didn’t appear in front of us later that night. However, while I was busy thinking about all of the things I didn’t want to happen, CB, apparently, was busy thinking about all of the things he did want to happen.
Cut to: the next morning.

CB: So I think that we should start talking about Jessica Biel.
Me: What?
CB: Jessica Biel.
Me: Why should we start talking about Jessica Biel?
CB: Because you have that crazy brain thing where the people or things you talk about end up appearing in front of us.
Me, laughing: Oh my God, you’ve definitely given this way too much thought.
CB: Focus, woman! Jessica Biel!

BOOM. Jessica Biel. Does that count, CB?

So as a thank you to CB for the key incident over the weekend, I’m not only thinking and talking about Jessica Biel, but I’m blogging about her. So, you know, everyone keep an eye out when you see us skipping arm and arm together down the street in all the tabloids later this week. Don’t say I didn’t warn you. Also, I’ll tell you if Justin Timberlake is actually really short in person and how the secret wedding in Colorado goes!

Happy Hump Day, everyone!

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