Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Why standing in line at Shoprite isn't the worst date I've ever been on and why you should NEVER offer me food.

So it’s very possible that I maybe have boundary issues when it comes to food. And people. And I may be an inside-of-my-belly food hoarder.

Today I was talking to my boss and smelled the peanut butter and jelly sandwich that my co-worker was eating nearby.  Because I’m professional, I stopped what I was doing and said “Oh my God that peanut butter and jelly sandwich smells soooo good.”

And then this happened.

Nice co-worker: “Do you want a bite of the un-bitten side of the sandwich?”
Me: “Oh no, no, no, I just love peanut butter and jelly sandwiches so I can smell them from a mile away.” (normal)
Nice co-worker: “I don’t mind, I can tell by your face that you want to.”
Me: “Really?”
Nice co-worker who never expected me to take him up on the offer: “Yeah!”
Me: “Ok!”

 And then I bit into his sandwich.

In my defense, it was delicious. AND it taught my co-worker a lesson to never offer me food unless you definitely want me to eat most of it. So really, it was a win/win all around.

When Becky attacks. Also, next time could you use whole wheat? Thanks.

Also, I believe that my boyfriend thinks that just because I love to eat means that the grocery store is an acceptable place for a date. Yesterday I brought it to his attention that we had never actually been on a date. This was, surprisingly, met with no response.

Until later that day when we were at Shoprite, picking up some things for dinner, and this conversation occurred:

Boyfriend: “Am I buying you this Diet Dr. Pepper?”
Me: “Yes, I won’t be able to stay awake tonight without caffeine.”
Boyfriend: “See, this is a date. And it’s our second.”
Me: “First of all, we’re in the checkout line at Shoprite. That’s not a date. Also, when do you think our first date was?”
Boyfriend: “When I bought you that sandwich at the bar that night.”

To be clear, “that sandwich” at the bar was something bought while at happy hour with about 5 other people on a Thursday. And I’m pretty sure I was standing up while eating.

However, Shoprite and the bar are still better than some other places I've been on dates. So....

Boyfriend: 1; Other men I've been on terrible dates with: 0


"Cheers! What a great date, boyfriend, I love that we can t hear anything and there are about 400 other people squeezed up next to us!"

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