Wednesday, November 14, 2012

He's sexy and he knows it. Yet I still disagree with this choice.


So I realize that you guys come to this blog each week for the latest breaking news, really intense debate over issues that matter, and stories about how I may or may not have been wearing pants. Well, today you’ll get two out of three for one very good reason:

People Magazine announced the Sexiest Man of the Year today.

I know, right? Channing Tatum? Really, PEOPLE?

And because I have a lot to do at work and really am always setting an example for others, I decided to take a poll of the two guys who sit near me at work to see what they thought of this obvious error on the part of PEOPLE.

Me: So what do you think of People’s Sexiest Guy of the Year choice this year?
Co-worker #1: Eh, I’m not impressed.
Me: Right? Though I am impressed that you even knew what I was talking about.
Co-worker #1: I’m in the know.
Me: Obviously. So who would you have chosen?
Co-worker #1: Oh I don’t know, I’ve always been a fan of Ryan Gosling, in a straight way of course.
Me: Of course. And also, this is why we work, you understand things like how Ryan Gosling should be the Sexiest Man. These are the things I look for in a good co-worker.
Co-worker #1: Glad I could help.
Me, turning around to talk to my other male co-worker and interrupting what looked to be a work spreadsheet of some sort: And what about you?
Co-worker #2: So what are we talking about?
Me: Uh, the Sexiest Man Alive.
Co-worker #2: Oh, right. Is that done by Vogue or something?
Me: Are you serious?
Co-worker #2: I don’t know, that sounds like something Vogue would do. Or some other woman’s magazine.
Co-worker #1: It’s People.
Co-worker #2: Oh, oh right. Uh, who’s the Sexiest Man?
Me: Did you seriously think it was determined by Vogue?
Co-worker #2: Honestly, I don’t even know what’s happening right now.
Me: Well they chose Channing Tatum.
Co-worker #2: Who?
Me: Channing Tatum. He kind of looks like every guy who works out at the local gym. He was in….Magic Mike? Step Up? The Vow….
Co-worker #1: 21 Jump Street….the not Jonah Hill guy.
Co-worker #2: Oh yeah! I know who that is. Huh. That’s an interesting choice.
Me: I disagree with it.
Co-worker #1: It’s amazing they didn’t consult you first.
Me: It really is.

However, had they thought to consult me first, I could’ve given them a list of men who I’ve never met who deserve to be on that list more than Not-Jonah-Hill Guy.

Hey guys, real quick, could you
help me find my shirt? 
But before I do, I must acknowledge that I’m not standing in a unanimous pool of everyone with eyes who knows that Channing Tatum isn’t attractive. For example, some of you might remember my chat with Julia Allison earlier this year where she put him on her list! I call technical foul on that one.

Therefore, to right PEOPLE’s wrong, I have made my own list of men much more worthy. Also, I have the utmost respect for men and do not believe in objectifying anyone. Except the people on this list, so let’s proceed:

Ben Affleck Ok, hear me out on this. I realize that he might not be as trending as Mr. Tatum at the moment, but he’s got staying power, and dare I say it, has gotten even more handsome with age. Plus, he’s proven to be a decent director, a seemingly good family man, and also, well, he’s hot. And I do not want to hear anyone’s comments about how Matt Damon’s cuter. He’s not, those are lies, let’s move on.

Ryan Gosling Duh.

Dr. Drew Yeah….I know. But here’s the thing: he’s a very handsome man! And he helps people. And he’s got that slightly nerdy-yet-jock thing going on (he’s a runner). And he’s a family man. And he’s got a sense of humor. And if I ever had a terrible addiction to heroin or ADD medication, he’d totally cure me. Also, I know too much about Dr. Drew. But for real, he’s better than Channing Tatum.

John Mayer I realize half of my readership just closed this tab in anger/horror/disgust. But you are wrong and here’s why: I know he makes weird faces when he sings, and maybe he’s not conventionally attractive like, say, Brad Pitt. But not only does he know that my body is a wonderland, he understands and embraces the fact that he’s kind of a d-bag yet can get to my soul by singing about love and loss. And if you’re CB and reading this, I know the laundry list of why you think this is a terrible choice because we have this conversation every single time I talk about John Mayer, so let’s just agree to disagree and realize that I’m right.

I'm incredibly good looking. Also,
I'm Scott Speedman.
Scott Speedman For those of you who didn’t spend most of your college years in front of your 13 inch television watching Felicity and pretending that you were her and that guy in your English class you’ve never spoken to was Ben, let me fill you in: Scott Speedman is that guy from the Underworld movies. The hot one. Also, he’s in that new show on ABC about navy guys, or army guys, or someone who does something important and says stuff like “Call the Pentagon immediately!” Yeah, that guy. He’s dreamy, he’s got a soft voice, he’s Canadian, and I think he lives in New York and so I have my eyes peeled at any moment to follow him around the block while I text all of my friends about how I’m about to get arrested for stalking Scott Speedman. Anyway, he should totally get chosen one of these days because he’s underrated and then I’d be proven right. Again.

And last but not least…..

Bradley Cooper I’d be alright with them choosing him two years in a row. I mean, the man’s got game. Also, in that scene in The Hangover when he and Zach Galifinakis are coming down the escalator in homage to Rain Man and he’s wearing that black suit? I mean….come ooooooon. Also, when he’s in the desert and calling the other guy’s fiancĂ© to let her know that they might not get back in time for the wedding and he’s wearing that blue button-down and is all sweaty and dirty and wearing those sunglasses that make him even hotter?
I rest my case. Also, excuse me for a moment.

And there you have it. A not-complete list of men that are more deserving than Channing Tatum. Also, if you’re Channing Tatum and reading this, I’m really sorry, I hear you’re a nice, decent guy who is a great cook and, like, cures cancer in your spare time. But I just….I just….oh who are we kidding, Channing Tatum isn’t reading this and so I'm sticking to my guns on this one.

What do you guys think, did I miss anyone obvious? (other than you, CB).

Happy Wednesday! 

32 comments:

  1. Channing Tatum seems like a total tool.
    Agree with the Ben Affleck choice, and I'd definitely add Stamos or Rob Lowe on the list (if I'm choosing in my demographic) or Zac Efron (if I'm being a creepy and inappropriate cougar).

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    1. And this is why you read my blog. You get me. YES! Ok, I JUST had the creepy cougar conversation about Zach Efron the other day. I just don't feel right b/c he's, like, 20 or something, but in a few years? Totally.

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  2. Woman, I am in total agreement. Except for Dr. Drew. We can disagree on that one. But everyone else - YES PLEASE. Dragon and I have agreed that whoever gets to Ryan Gosling first can have him, and as far as Bradley Cooper goes - you and I can fight to the death on that escalator. Just saying.

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    1. I'm ok on agreeing to disagree, totally. But I for real will fight you to the death for Mr. Cooper.

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  3. I agree that Tatum was the totally wrong choice. And from your own list I am on board with Bradley Cooper. But my current top choice would have to be Alexander Skarsgaard, that man is sex on a stick.

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    1. Ooooh, that's a fine piece of man right there....

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  4. I think Channing Tatum is hot for sure, but sexiest man alive, not so much.
    Paul Walker, Jesse Williams from Grey's Anatomy, Josh Duhamel all far superior choices!

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    1. Jesse Williams! YES! I can't believe I forgot him!

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  5. I have all embarrassing old people on my list, like Bruce Willis. I know, I know! How can I live with myself? I'm old, though, and I get the creepy cougar feeling with all these young guys.

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    1. Don't be embarrassed! Own it!!! I'm close to being a creepy cougar, too!

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  6. Joe Manganiello, David Tennant and Sean Connery (in his Medicine Man days). YUM.

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  7. Dr. Drew is totally hot. I just met him in person and he looks even better. Plus he is wicked smart. I think Channing is hot from the neck down. But so was Carrot-top before he got too Popeye looking.

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    1. Um, you immediately have to tell me everything regarding your meeting with Dr. Drew. I once thought I saw him on the street in New York, speed walked after him for several blocks, then got up next to him and realized it was just a nice, older Hispanic gentleman who I'd totally creepd out.

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  8. I would have to go for Jake Gyllenhaal, because unlike Channing Tatum he is attractive and does not look like he's a moron. Though, I would not argue with a Ryan Gosling vote.

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    1. Dude, I left out SO much! I see an addendum to my list coming...can anyone say Friday Funday Wrapup!?

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  9. My list is topped by Andrew Bird, but I am weird like that.

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    1. Uh, I saw Andrew Bird in concert a few years ago and immediately fell in love. I totally agree!

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  10. I'm partial to Bruce Willis myself. I have had a crush on him since his days on Moonlighting so many years ago. That man just oozes sex appeal, but I'm old-ish. Ben Affleck...totally gorgeous too! Another man, Johnny Depp...he cleans up really nice!

    http://authorgkadamsdotcom1.wordpress.com/

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    1. Mmm, Mr. Depp is not a bad choice, either!

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  11. I'm quite partial to Daniel Craig...but I do agree with most of your list!

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  12. I so agree with you on Channing. I mean if you put a bag over his head, I'm in but 'sexiest man alive'? Not even close. My number one is Timothy Olyphant. He is HOTTTTT. And now for my contraversial pick. Kid Rock.. I mean I'd have to throw him in the shower and wear a full body condom but whew..he's got that white trash hottie thing going on.

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    1. Haha while I don't quite get the Kid Rock appeal, I AM from Michigan so I can appreciate the shout out at least! :-)

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  13. James Marsden. He's not nearly as popular, but was for sure the best part of "27 Dresses," and bonus - if you can deal with John Travolta dressed up as a woman - him and Zac Efron are in "Hairspray,"and it's very happy to watch. Also - I'm totally in on that fight to the death for Bradley Cooper. I would for sure be arrested if I ever saw him in person.

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    1. Oooh, he's definitely cute. And I'll fight you for sure on Bradley Cooper! :-)

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  14. Yes! Everything I thought about People's choice for sexist man and didn't write down. You did it for me. ;)

    Visiting from SITS...and so glad I did!

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    1. Thanks for visiting from SITS!! So glad you did, too!!

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  15. although Matt Damon would be on my "list" I agree with your Ben Affleck comment. Not sure about this Felicity thing. You are clearly younger than me. I missed that boat. Bradley Cooper, Duh. Don't hurt me but I don't get this Ryan Gossling thing....but I want to add my vote. Shemar Moore. Who? you say. He is on Criminal Minds which I do not watch, but long ago when I watched soap operas (cowers in shame) he was on Young and the Restless. Here is a link https://www.google.com/search?q=shemar+moore&hl=en&client=firefox-a&hs=nwQ&tbo=u&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&tbm=isch&source=univ&sa=X&ei=hnamUIvSBcnkygHO84DQDw&ved=0CD8QsAQ&biw=1440&bih=738 There is no way you can deny that one.

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  16. Anderson Cooper. Yes. I know he's gay but he is a living, breathing, reporting human/Siberian husky mix.

    Matter of choice, but no man who has over groomed eyebrows is making my list.

    Timothy Olyphant (Sheriff Seth Bullock Deadwood era) - YES! Can we make this more than a meat market, People? Colin Firth (DUH!), Daryl from The Walking Dead (the character Daryl, who is my apocalypse boyfriend), Brian Cranston, The Gos (obvsies), John Hamm (how was he missed, ladies?) and as a wild card R. Kelly.

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  17. I'm just enjoying Googling all these people for some eye candy at work!!

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