Conversations from cohabitation

Last night we were watching “Biggest Loser” because CB insists that we watch it every Tuesday and I’m like “fine.” Or, because I’ve been making him watch it for the last few years and he has turned it into the opposite of a drinking game where we have to do 10 pushups every time someone on the show starts crying.

Um, have you seen that show? My arms will be ripped by December.

Anyway, much to his dismay, CB finds himself commenting on the show and getting into it even though he really couldn’t care less.

CB: “You know who would be great on this show?”
Me: “Who?”
CB: “The mom from ‘Honey Boo Boo.’”
Me, laughing: “Oh my God she WOULD be great on this show! Ooooh she’d be so funny!”

Silence.

Me: “What does it say about us that we’re watching ‘The Biggest Loser’ and talking about ‘Honey Boo Boo’?”
CB: “That we’re the biggest losers.”

***

Getting ready for work this morning:

Me: “How do I look?”
CB, not even looking: “Great!”
Me: “No really!”
CB, turning around to look at me: “You look great! I like that skirt.”
Me: “Really? Because it kind of makes a lot of noise when I walk.”
CB: “But it’s quiet in here.”
Me: “That doesn’t make any sense.”

Silence. CB leaves the room. I’m staring at myself in the mirror. CB walks back in.

Me: “I don’t look chubby?”
CB: “No, but you do look crazy.”
Me: “Right, but I’m serious!”
CB: “So am I. You look beautiful.”
Me: “You have to say that. I mean, thank you, but you have to say that.”
CB: “Then why are you even asking?”
Me: “Because you need to tell me the truth! I depend on you to make sure I don’t look dumb when I walk out of the house.”
CB: “You look great.”

Silence while I stare in the mirror.

Me: “I think the skirt makes too much noise.”
CB: “If it’s going to bother you all day then don’t wear it.”
Me: “You don’t like it?”
CB: “OH MY GOD.”

CB leaves the room. Five minutes later I come out with a totally different outfit on.

The best part? He doesn’t even mention it.

Happy Wednesday, you guys!