Monday, May 12, 2014

Conversations from Cohabitation

The other night we were watching the NFL draft, which took place at Radio City Music Hall.

Me: "Have you ever seen anything there?"
CB: "Yeah, I think maybe I saw Beyonce there years ago."
Me, sitting up: "Wait, what? You saw Beyonce in concert? How am I just hearing about this!?"
CB: "I think she was there? I don't know, it was a bunch of performers, I don't really remember. Maybe she wasn't? I don't know, I thought it was Beyonce but it was years ago."
Me: "You saw Beyonce in concert and don't remember? It's like when you got stung by a stingray and you didn't remember."
CB: "If I got stung by a stingray, that'd be memorable. It was a jellyfish."
Me: "Seeing Beyonce would be more memorable than a stingray. She's one of the biggest performers of our generation! I can't believe we've been together this long and I'm just now hearing this. It's like I don't know you at all."
CB: "Relax, I'm googling it and I don't think it was Beyonce. Maybe Mariah Carey."
Me: "I can't even look at you right now. I'm too worked up."


Watching a commercial for Mother's Day the other day:

Me: "So, I think it's only fair for me to let you know that, if we end up having kids, I'm going to expect Mother's Day to be a thing."
CB, staring at me.
Me: "I mean, I know it sounds crazy since we're not married yet and don't have kids. But just so you know, it'll be your responsibility as the husband-slash-father to help the kids pick out, like, a card. Especially when they're young."
CB, still staring at me and shaking his head.
Me: "I don't care about gifts, they don't need to get me gifts. But, I mean, I'm gonna kill it with the kids on Father's Day and so I just wanted to be clear about expectations going into this."
CB: "You've got some set on you. Are you seriously preparing me for Mother's Day and we don't even have any kids for you to mother?"
Me: "Yes. But this is all about managing expectations ahead of time. Saves us both a lot of time and energy with the guessing game."
CB: "What about when I surprised you for your birthday? Or when I made a Beyonce-themed Valentine's Day dinner? You think I'm not good at preparing surprises?"
Me: "No, you're great! But it doesn't have to be a surprise. I just want you to know that it'll be awkward to fight in front of the kids if I'm buying my own Mother's Day cupcakes."
CB, still shaking his head: "You are somethin' else."
Me, singing to myself: "Happy future mother's day to me!"
Happy Monday!


  1. I loved this! Good for chuckles!

  2. You may say you don't care about gifts... you may even believe you don't care about gifts... but when Mother's Day rolls around, there darned-well better be gifts.

    Trust me on this.

    1. Hahaha good to know! I'll trust you. :-)

  3. Are you sure you want a man who dismisses his possible Beyonce sighting to be the father of your children? I mean, I know you love him, but... come on.

    1. You know, now that you mention it......(and hi! Glad to see your name pop up here!)