Me: "Have you ever seen anything there?"
CB: "Yeah, I think maybe I saw Beyonce there years ago."
Me, sitting up: "Wait, what? You saw Beyonce in concert? How am I just hearing about this!?"
CB: "I think she was there? I don't know, it was a bunch of performers, I don't really remember. Maybe she wasn't? I don't know, I thought it was Beyonce but it was years ago."
Me: "You saw Beyonce in concert and don't remember? It's like when you got stung by a stingray and you didn't remember."
CB: "If I got stung by a stingray, that'd be memorable. It was a jellyfish."
Me: "Seeing Beyonce would be more memorable than a stingray. She's one of the biggest performers of our generation! I can't believe we've been together this long and I'm just now hearing this. It's like I don't know you at all."
CB: "Relax, I'm googling it and I don't think it was Beyonce. Maybe Mariah Carey."
Me: "I can't even look at you right now. I'm too worked up."
Watching a commercial for Mother's Day the other day:
Me: "So, I think it's only fair for me to let you know that, if we end up having kids, I'm going to expect Mother's Day to be a thing."Happy Monday!
CB, staring at me.
Me: "I mean, I know it sounds crazy since we're not married yet and don't have kids. But just so you know, it'll be your responsibility as the husband-slash-father to help the kids pick out, like, a card. Especially when they're young."
CB, still staring at me and shaking his head.
Me: "I don't care about gifts, they don't need to get me gifts. But, I mean, I'm gonna kill it with the kids on Father's Day and so I just wanted to be clear about expectations going into this."
CB: "You've got some set on you. Are you seriously preparing me for Mother's Day and we don't even have any kids for you to mother?"
Me: "Yes. But this is all about managing expectations ahead of time. Saves us both a lot of time and energy with the guessing game."
CB: "What about when I surprised you for your birthday? Or when I made a Beyonce-themed Valentine's Day dinner? You think I'm not good at preparing surprises?"
Me: "No, you're great! But it doesn't have to be a surprise. I just want you to know that it'll be awkward to fight in front of the kids if I'm buying my own Mother's Day cupcakes."
CB, still shaking his head: "You are somethin' else."
Me, singing to myself: "Happy future mother's day to me!"