So, I’ve recently realized that I may have the propensity to be slightly insane. Like, I’m starting to notice that I have some “habits” that don’t really lend themselves super-well to logic and reason, but I’ll be damned if I’ve ever let those two things stop me. And as I’ve gotten older, I’ve become more concerned with being one of those super-rigid old people who only likes a certain kind of raisin bran and will refuse to wear anything but those aggressively padded sneakers that they don’t sell in regular stores.
However, after a conversation with CB last night, I realized I may already be there:
Me: “Wait, they’re making an Iron Man 3?”
Me: “Did you see any of them?”
CB: “I think I saw the first one, yeah.”
Me: “And did you like it?”
CB: “Yeah, it was pretty good.”
Me: “Oh my God, I hated that movie.”
CB: “Well, that’s because you don’t like fiction.”
Me: “Um, I love fiction. I just don’t like unrealistic fiction. Or comic book movies.”
CB: “Right, you only like the super realistic fiction. Like When Harry Met Sally.”
Me: “I can sense your sarcasm. However, When Harry Met Sally is very realistic.”
CB, unresponsive because he’s too busy rolling his eyes.
Me: “Also, for the record, we are the living reincarnation of When Harry Met Sally.”
CB: “Excuse me?”
Me: “We are! It’s like they wrote that movie from the future about us.”
CB: “You’ve completely lost your mind.”
Whatever, in my mind, I won that argument and that’s all that matters.
But not liking comic book movies – or cartoons….or movies that seem like they’re either a comic book movie or a cartoon – is totally normal. What might not be as normal is the realization this morning that I was totally thrown off by having to walk up the stairs on a different side than I normally do while ascending from the subway.
Um, am I the real life Rain Man, just with limited toothpick-counting abilities and no interest in watching Wheel of Fortune?
Because when I started to run down the very incomplete list of things that seem normal to me but, when said out loud are completely f’ing insane, I got a little nervous that perhaps I needed to reel it in.
But I’ll let you guys be the judge.
- Before going to sleep, I have to go through the list of all of my family members and our former and current pets. Is this weird? It’s like roll call Waltons-style in my head before going to sleep. Maybe this could be considered a mental exercise to keep me sharp? Except I’m not sure how sharp you have to be to remember the name of your poodle from childhood, but whatever. I’m on it.
- I will only brush my teeth with hot water. Why? Because I assume that hot water kills more of the bacteria than cold water. Though, when I mentioned this to CB one morning, he pointed out that, unless I was brushing my teeth with boiling water, my logic was flawed. I disagreed with him in my mind and continued to brush with authority.
- I must sing happy birthday (to myself, because out loud would be crazy) while washing my hands. Again, in my defense, this is just good hygiene and something they teach you in grade school so you don’t have pee hands when you’re touching the glue sticks.
- I have to bread and butter around light poles. Um, what? I know. But please tell me you guys know what this is? Because I don’t remember who taught this to me or when I started doing it. All I know is that I’ve done it for quite some time now and I consider it bad luck if I walk on the “wrong” side of the light pole, mailbox, etc. So, in order to erase that, I say “bread and butter” and all is right with the world. Also, if none of you knows what I’m talking about, then….yeah, I totally don’t do that bread and butter thing either. Weird.
- I don’t believe in jinx. Ok, this is less “you’re crazy” and more “that game is stupid.” But I just had to put it out there because it drives my friends insane when they try to play jinx with me and I’m like “shockingly, you telling me that I now cannot speak because we just said the same word at the same time does not, in fact, render me unable to speak.” And then they glare at me and wonder why we’re friends and I go about my day feeling superior over people who play jinx.
Like I said, a very incomplete list, since I’m pretty sure my friends and family who are reading this have already come up with seven other things that I do to make me crazier than what is listed above. However, I threw out a sampling for my valued and loyal readers because I’m depending on you guys to make me feel sane.
Which I now realize may be a futile attempt since, from what I can tell, a lot of you are as crazy as I am. But it’s why we work, so let’s roll with it.
Happy Wednesday, everyone!
Blog Note: Tomorrow I will be a Featured Blogger on BlogHer in their “Money” section. You know, because when you’re looking for financial advice, I’m the gal you come to! Or, because they thought my blog was funny and enjoyed my post about getting all of my money stolen. Either way, thank you to BlogHer for being such a big supporter of this blog. And thanks to all of you who have voted so far for my blog to be one of the “Voices of the Year.”