Wednesday, April 24, 2013

And then I went completely insane.


So, I’ve recently realized that I may have the propensity to be slightly insane. Like, I’m starting to notice that I have some “habits” that don’t really lend themselves super-well to logic and reason, but I’ll be damned if I’ve ever let those two things stop me. And as I’ve gotten older, I’ve become more concerned with being one of those super-rigid old people who only likes a certain kind of raisin bran and will refuse to wear anything but those aggressively padded sneakers that they don’t sell in regular stores.

However, after a conversation with CB last night, I realized I may already be there:

Me: “Wait, they’re making an Iron Man 3?”
CB: “Apparently.”
Me: “Ugh.”

Silence.

Me: “Did you see any of them?”
CB: “I think I saw the first one, yeah.”
Me: “And did you like it?”
CB: “Yeah, it was pretty good.”
Me: “Oh my God, I hated that movie.”
CB: “Well, that’s because you don’t like fiction.”
Me: “Um, I love fiction. I just don’t like unrealistic fiction. Or comic book movies.”
CB: “Right, you only like the super realistic fiction. Like When Harry Met Sally.
Me: “I can sense your sarcasm. However, When Harry Met Sally is very realistic.”

CB, unresponsive because he’s too busy rolling his eyes.

Me: “Also, for the record, we are the living reincarnation of When Harry Met Sally.”
CB: “Excuse me?”
Me: “We are! It’s like they wrote that movie from the future about us.”
CB: “You’ve completely lost your mind.”

Whatever, in my mind, I won that argument and that’s all that matters.

But not liking comic book movies – or cartoons….or movies that seem like they’re either a comic book movie or a cartoon – is totally normal.  What might not be as normal is the realization this morning that I was totally thrown off by having to walk up the stairs on a different side than I normally do while ascending from the subway.

Um, am I the real life Rain Man, just with limited toothpick-counting abilities and no interest in watching Wheel of Fortune?

Because when I started to run down the very incomplete list of things that seem normal to me but, when said out loud are completely f’ing insane, I got a little nervous that perhaps I needed to reel it in.

But I’ll let you guys be the judge.

  1. Before going to sleep, I have to go through the list of all of my family members and our former and current pets. Is this weird? It’s like roll call Waltons-style in my head before going to sleep. Maybe this could be considered a mental exercise to keep me sharp? Except I’m not sure how sharp you have to be to remember the name of your poodle from childhood, but whatever. I’m on it. 
  2. I will only brush my teeth with hot water. Why? Because I assume that hot water kills more of the bacteria than cold water. Though, when I mentioned this to CB one morning, he pointed out that, unless I was brushing my teeth with boiling water, my logic was flawed. I disagreed with him in my mind and continued to brush with authority.
  3. I must sing happy birthday (to myself, because out loud would be crazy) while washing my hands. Again, in my defense, this is just good hygiene and something they teach you in grade school so you don’t have pee hands when you’re touching the glue sticks.
  4. I have to bread and butter around light poles. Um, what? I know. But please tell me you guys know what this is? Because I don’t remember who taught this to me or when I started doing it.  All I know is that I’ve done it for quite some time now and I consider it bad luck if I walk on the “wrong” side of the light pole, mailbox, etc. So, in order to erase that, I say “bread and butter” and all is right with the world. Also, if none of you knows what I’m talking about, then….yeah, I totally don’t do that bread and butter thing either. Weird.
  5. I don’t believe in jinx. Ok, this is less “you’re crazy” and more “that game is stupid.” But I just had to put it out there because it drives my friends insane when they try to play jinx with me and I’m like “shockingly, you telling me that I now cannot speak because we just said the same word at the same time does not, in fact, render me unable to speak.” And then they glare at me and wonder why we’re friends and I go about my day feeling superior over people who play jinx.


Like I said, a very incomplete list, since I’m pretty sure my friends and family who are reading this have already come up with seven other things that I do to make me crazier than what is listed above. However, I threw out a sampling for my valued and loyal readers because I’m depending on you guys to make me feel sane.

Which I now realize may be a futile attempt since, from what I can tell, a lot of you are as crazy as I am. But it’s why we work, so let’s roll with it.

Happy Wednesday, everyone!

Blog Note: Tomorrow I will be a Featured Blogger on BlogHer in their “Money” section. You know, because when you’re looking for financial advice, I’m the gal you come to! Or, because they thought my blog was funny and enjoyed my post about getting all of my money stolen. Either way, thank you to BlogHer for being such a big supporter of this blog. And thanks to all of you who have voted so far for my blog to be one of the “Voices of the Year.”

And if you’re interested in voting (and are a member of BlogHer), feel free to click here! And here! And here

25 comments:

  1. I don't step on cracks, because apparently, it'll break my mothers back. So, yeah, we're both crazy. Sorry I didn't make you feel more sane. My job here is done. You're welcome.

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  2. I do not know what bread and butter is! Sorry! But you don't do it anyway....and I know this is probably completely weird but I thought about you last week. I was scrubbing my kitchen floor and without thinking stood up and took my pants off and tossed them aside. A few minutes later I thought, "I'm cleaning in my underwear, I hope no one comes to the door" then I thought about you. Does that make up for not knowing bread and butter?

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    1. Oh my God, that totally makes up for it!! I'm happy to be so inspirational :-)

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  3. The bread and butter!!! Nobody knows about that!! I love that! Isn't there a follow up part? Like what goes up a chimney but can't come down or something? Oh man, I used to love doing that with my mom. And you're supposed to do it when you're holding hands with someone, but have to let go to walk around the light pole.

    p.s. Iron Man is awesome, hot water has more bacteria out of the faucet (I think....) and I like to say jinx, but of course never stop talking. That's just craziness.

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    1. Oh my God, I didn't know that second part!!!! I'm SO glad I'm not alone here. :-)

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  4. Did you watch Monk? He has to tap all the light posts and mailboxes he passed. I never heard him say "bread and butter" though...

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    1. I didn't, but I know that his character had OCD, right? So maybe that's my issue.... :-)

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    2. I have students who have CDO. It's like OCD but the letters are in alphabetical order.

      As. They. Should. Be.

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    3. Hahahahahaha that's awesome.

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  5. I didn't know what bread and butter was :( but I'm with you on #s 2, 3, and 5. Which is basically all of them, right? Plus, of course, I have a few of my own!

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    1. I knew you guys would at least somewhat agree. :-) It's ok not to know about Bread and Butter. I totally don't do that anyway. ;-)

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  6. I have to sing happy birthday TWICE, because when I was a medical assistant, they said that's how long it takes to really, REALLY clean all the germs off.

    I very deliberately, do NOT count things. Things like "how many steps does it take to get from here to there". If I start, I can't stop myself from counting the steps and I will count ALL DAY LONG

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    1. Oh my God, you're creating a monster. I totally have to do it twice now! And also, I KNEW you guys would understand!

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    2. I count everything too. I recently said to my husband something like "well we have 14 starts to upstairs in this house but our last one had 12" and he was like "how do you know this?" I said, I count everything...doesn't everyone? apparently not.

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    3. So glad I'm not alone!!!!

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  7. My 5 year old nephew (who is in pre-K) was washing his hands the other day and was taking FOREVER. He was also singing Happy Birthday, but like a dirge, not at its normal tempo. I didn't realize the washing and the singing were related until my sister told me later (because apparently I was absent the day they taught hand-washing in elementary school.) Incidentally, I'm a family doctor and one of the things we have to do to maintain board certification every year is do various online modules about certain subjects. One of the ones you could choose last year was about ”hand hygeine”--I guess for those of us who didn't learn it in elementary school!

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    1. Oh my God, thank goodness I'm not the only one who knew of the happy birthday thing! I'm glad your sister filled you in :-) Maybe that will be part of the hand hygeine module this year! :-)

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  8. Aaaand I forgot the name of my own blog in the comment above. Oh well. At least the URL is right. In my own defense, I thought it looked a little weird. This time I'll save myself the trouble and just be Alison.

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  9. I have to stand on one foot while I'm cooking... I convince myself that it's just good balance practice.
    What the hell is bread and buttering? I don't know, but I'm excited to find out when I come to New York at the end of May.

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  10. I have to look in the garage before bed to make sure the door is closed, or I cannot get to sleep! I can't take a shower unless all of the doors in the house are locked, and I have to check them before I go upstairs! We're all a little crazy...if we didn't have crazy, we would get bored :)

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  11. I use the alphabet song instead of happy birthday and I have to sing it twice in my head for both hand washing and tooth brushing. Otherwise I am unclean.

    Jinx is just stupid.

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  12. Alright I admit also to #1 and 2 but instead of family and pets, I do my previous addresses. I also "furnish" my old houses in my mind when I can't sleep which drives my hubby crazy because I talk in my sleep.
    Now for the craziest one, hubby and I solve all arguments with Rock, Paper, Scissors and have for 26 years except our rules are the loser wins!
    Donna

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  13. Hello from the future. I just found you and am reading through your archives. If I am walking on a floor that has 2 colors, like large checkered tiles, my right foot has to land on one color, and my left has to land on the other. It can get complicated.

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    1. Welcome! So glad you found me! Thanks for stopping by (and hopefully coming back!) :-)

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