Conversations from Cohabitation

While getting ready for bed the other night, I slid under the covers and simultaneously slid CB’s second pillow out from underneath his head.

CB: “This is an abusive relationship.”
Me: “You’re very dramatic. You snore more when you’re elevated.”
CB: “You have three pillows and I have one.”
Me: “It’s your lot in life.”
CB: “You’re my lot in life.”

***

Different night, as CB was getting into bed:

Me: “Ooh! Ooh! Could you please turn off the overhead light?”
CB, giving me a sideways glance.
Me: “You are the last to bed! Bedtime rules.”
CB: “There are bedtime rules?”
Me: “Yep.”
CB, turning off the lights and walking towards the bed.
Me: “Ooh! Ooh! Could you please do me a favor and double-check that the front door is locked?”
CB, giving me a sideways glance as he walked towards the bedroom door.
Me: “Are you contemplating smothering me in my sleep?”
CB, unconvincingly: “No….”
Me: “Lies.”
CB: “Maybe if I had more pillows to spare I would.”

***

Me: “I think my mom was right that our bodies don't break down carbs as well as some other people's. Because I’ve been watching it over the last month and I’ve lost 6 pounds.”
CB: “That’s great!”
Me: “I mean, I could never be one of those people who just doesn’t eat carbs, because that’s crazy and I want to be happy. But it’s amazing how eating half of what I would eat before still satisfies me. It’s like I get my cake and can eat it too. Which I’ll also never give up.”
CB, “listening” while playing a game on his phone.
Me: “Can you tell I’ve lost 6 pounds?”
CB, looking up from his phone: “Yes-no! I don’t know, I’m not sure what the right answer is.”
Me, laughing: “That’s fair, you really can’t win.”
CB: “I mean, if I say yes, you’ll be like ‘does that mean you thought I was fat?’, which isn’t the case. And if I say no, you’ll be like ‘I can’t believe you didn’t notice I lost 6 pounds.’ So I’m not sure what to say.”
Me, still laughing: “I promise this isn’t a trick but honestly, can you tell?”
CB, looking at me to decide whether I will stab him: “Honestly? No.”
Me: “What if I gained 6 pounds?”
CB, without missing a beat: “I’d notice right away.”
Me: “Fair enough.”

Happy Wednesday, everyone!