Monday, May 6, 2013

And then all of my dreams came true. Except there weren't Oompa-Loompas.

You know those moments in life when everything comes together in just the right way to create an opportunity for perfection, no matter how fleeting? That was my Saturday night. And by “opportunity for perfection” I mean “I finally experienced a New Jersey Venetian Hour.” And it was heavenly.

Dear Past Becky,
You're welcome for the awesome life.
Love, Future Becky
You see, two of our dear friends got married over the weekend, and while I was told that I had no idea what I was in for, I didn’t know it meant that my dessert would be lit on fire and I’d get cotton candy stuck in my hair.

But I’m getting a little ahead of myself here, so let’s back up. You see, the ceremony itself was beautiful and pretty much along the lines of what we’ve all come to know and love about weddings: A gorgeous bride, a glowing groom, some laughter, tears, bing-bang-boom, you’re married.

So when we drove up to the reception venue, I figured I’d be in for some dancing, an open bar, and a lot of laughs with good friends. However, what I wasn’t expecting was a vodka luge next to the caviar station, which I only came across because I got lost on my way back from the pasta bar and the sushi lounge.

And that was just the cocktail hour!

But since I didn’t have my spanx on, I decided I was all in. I mean, I’m pretty sure the purpose of spanx is to suck you in and shame you out of eating your weight in eggplant rollatini and Mongolian beef, which is precisely why they were left at home. That’ll teach ‘em.

Also, for most people the “cocktail hour” was their wedding reception. Hell, that cocktail hour will be nicer than my entire wedding, let’s get real.

But there will definitely be a vodka luge. I mean, that’s just good planning.

Anyway, as we made our way out of the cocktail hour and into the next room for the main event, my friend Li turned to me and said “You have no idea what you’re about to experience. Get ready. You’ll be blogging about this for a week.”

And she was correct.

Because the next several hours of my life became a blur of delicious food, sparkling chandeliers, and a semi-choreographed, impromptu dance between Li and me to Beyonce’s “Single Ladies.” Obviously.

However, just when I thought I’d hit my maximum impressed-slash-overwhelmed capacity, the wall of mirrors opened up to expose a second room filled with EVERY PIECE OF CANDY AND DESSERT ITEM KNOWN TO MAN.

And it was phenomenal.

Now, I must admit that the following ten minutes or so were a little blurry because it was like my dreams had finally come true, and when you’re in that moment of realization, you sort of freak out and your mind shuts itself down so as not to overheat. But I did get a little nervous for a minute there because I thought maybe I’d died and was experiencing the truth that heaven is totally filled with Ring Dings and Reeces pieces.

Thankfully, my friend J was with me, experiencing the exact same level of appropriate euphoria as we went from table to table, filling our plates with mini hostess cupcakes, cheesecake, and marshmallows dipped in chocolate.

And then it happened.

J: Oh my God, there's a cotton candy machine.
Me: No.
J: Yes.
Me: I can now die happy. Let's hit it!
Life became complete.

However, as we made our way back to the table to become the gluttonous sugar monsters formerly known as Becky and J, I arrived back at the table to three plates of nearly every treat from the room laid out in front of me.

Me: What’s this?
CB: I figured you’d want to try everything and knew you got side-tracked by the cotton candy.
Me: Wait…this is all for me?
CB: Yep.
Me: Seriously?
CB: Yeah.
Me: I love you more than I’ve ever loved you.
CB, smiling.
Me: But I can’t eat all of this!
CB, looking at me sideways.
Me: Good point. I’m a warrior. I can do this.

And then I did.

In my defense, I totally didn’t finish anything on my plate (more or less) AND shared with my friend D, so really, it’s like I barely ate anything (in my mind).

All in all, it was a pretty spectacular night. I mean, besides the fact that I experienced all of my dreams coming true at once, I got to celebrate an incredible couple with terrific friends. And really, isn’t that what it’s all about at the end of the day?

Well, that, and a giant cannoli stuffed
with mini cannolis. 

 Happy Monday, everyone! (Congratulations Missy and Tommy!)


  1. That pretty much sums up the best wedding I have ever heard of and I could only hope that my wedding one day will be a fraction of that awesomeness!

    1. Right??? I feel the same way. :-)

  2. You were doing your sworn duty as a good friend to sample everything that was offered so the money spent on the wedding did not go to waste. I applaud your dedication.

    1. Yes, well put! That's exactly what I was doing :-)

  3. OMG how do I get that at my wedding?! Basically, they pay for it whether you eat it or not...might as well eat it :) so the way I see it, you're making their wedding more budget-friendly. You're SUCH a good friend.

    1. I know, right??? I didn't even know this existed. It's incredible.

  4. Phew! Good thing I'm already married! I'd hate to have to measure up to that!!

    1. I know, right? But it's alright, nobody would expect that from me. I'm not that fancy. ;-)

  5. First: that sounds amazing and I am sooo jealous
    Second: CB is amazing and obviously a very good boyfriend and I kind of want to marry him and I'm already married.

    1. I'm definitely lucky.....and several pounds heavier than I was on Friday.

  6. Okay... I need a vodka luge in my home. Right now.

    And a cotton candy machine...

    I've already got the semi-choreographed, spontaneous dancing thing, so that's a plus.

    1. Yesssssss...although if I had a cotton candy machine and a vodka luge in my home, I may lose my job and/or have to buy all new clothes.

  7. There is a restaurant somewhere (it was on the Travel Channel and I forget where it was--maybe Colorado) that has a fancy buffet, all you can eat, that serves exclusively chocolate items. The ”theme” is Earth, Wind, and Fire. So at the earth station, they had things with nuts and fruit, wind had light things like mousse, etc. I'm probably getting some of the details wrong, but you get the idea. I would be beyond happy in a place like that.

  8. Sounds like an amazing wedding, or you were dreaming or high on meth!

  9. I usually dread weddings, in fact I didn't even have one! But this wedding, I could totally get on board with. It sounds fantastic. I will have to remember this "if" my kids ever get married :)

  10. The candy room sounds magical!

  11. Do you know, "they" just don't do the Venetian Hour down here. It certainly is a thing to behold. The last one I went to followed the Venetian Hour with cubans rolling cigars. No joke. The groom's parents hired to cuban men to roll cigars for any guests who chose to partake. Oy!