Last night I was putting on my eye mask and inserting my ear plugs when I looked over at CB, who was opening the window and wrapping himself in a quilted blanket, when it hit me: “Wow, we must really love each other.”
Which I know sounds really weird since I was essentially creating, as I do every night, a sensory deprivation chamber on my own head while he was voluntarily freezing himself out – if anything, we sound mildly psychotic. But if you think about it, so much of couplehood is managing your needs with those of your partner, and then picking and choosing your battles. I mean, if that’s not love, I don’t know what is!
Also, it should be noted here that I may just have no idea what love is.
You see, I was single for a few years prior to dating CB, which obviously means that I was just incredibly choosey and totally beating them off with a stick. Of course, he was single, too, and the other night, he explained why:
CB: “After a while, girls would just sort of get on my nerves and it wasn’t worth it.”
Me: “So you stayed single for so long because people bugged you? You’re, like, the most easy-going guy I know, that doesn’t make any sense.”
CB: “Yeah, but if I’m going to be spending most of my time with someone, they have to not get on my nerves after just a few days.”
Me: “It’s shocking to me that I was your choice. Like, I don’t even mean that in a sarcastic or self-depricating way.”
CB: “Yeah, I was sort of floored, too.”
Me: “I guess that’s why we work.”
But seriously, after thinking about it, I realized that our relationship is sometimes an exercise in compromise and/or sacrifice without ever really feeling like it (to me. And also CB, since I'm going ahead and assuming we're on the same page here.)
- I wear ear plugs every night. And this is as much for CB as it is for me, since prior to this, I would lay awake every single night and contemplate smothering him with a pillow so he’d stop his bear-like snoring. Also, I sometimes wouldn’t let him sleep if I wasn’t sleeping, and so I’d nudge him approximately every 17 seconds to make him turn over or just cut it out already. So, with the earplugs, we both sleep more soundly.
- CB will sleep with the window open and/or the heat off when it’s 50 degrees and below on most given nights because I’m like a radiating hot box that groans, tosses, and complains if it’s mildly warm. Also, he used to get many more head colds because of this decision until realizing that I would sometimes share the comforter and/or he could put more layers on. I know, I’m a monster.
- I cook.
- CB grocery shops.
- I listen to numerous stories about the Mets, random golfers, how terrible the Jets are, and any other stray fun-fact about sports during most of my waking, non-working hours.
- CB watches Bravo shows, even though I think he may have called Cablevision to see if maybe Bravo didn’t have to be included in the basic package. And sometimes the shows involve matchmaking, interior decorating, or gay fashion stylists. Those are just a few of his favorites.
- I try to stay up past 9pm on weekends so we can have “movie night.”
- CB puts a movie in at 6:15pm so I can make it all the way through.
- I clean the bathroom.
- CB pulls the grody stuff out of the drain in the kitchen sink because my skin can’t touch food-water.
- I wake up to a rather grouchy, profanity-laced diatribe about how mornings suck about 3-5 times per week.
- CB attempts to get into bed after I’ve fallen asleep. Also,
once in a while we’ll have the “your side of the bed” conversation and I’ve
insisted that I stay on mine. (see photo)
This is me sleep-wrestling the comforter.
- I’ve been commuting from his apartment – one mile away – to mine for a year and a half, every day.
- CB will get into the very corners of the sofa so I can sprawl out and lay on him. “Seriously, when we get a bigger couch, I know that, somehow, you’ll still end up in my corner.” I tell him it keeps our love strong to be that close. He says it could be stronger if I’d go sit on the loveseat. But he still scoots over every day.
And obviously there are many more. Some that, I’m sure, I’m not even aware of.
But at the end of the day, isn’t that what it’s all about?
Happy Monday, everyone!