Tuesday, August 14, 2012

How men and women can be just friends and why CB is obviously wrong. And not in that order.

Ok, so last night I was out for drinks with two guy friends of mine and we got on the topic of how men and women can’t be friends. Uh, what? We’re sitting in a bar disproving your point as we speak, two guys who are wrong. But then they pointed out to me that: (a) all three of us are in serious, committed relationships (with other people) and (b) I don’t think there was actually a (b). My bad.

Wait, maybe I should back up for a second. This whole conversation started because recently a guy who I thought was just a casual acquaintance started to chat with me via email. I thought “What a nice guy! Cool, I like friends.” And left it at that. But then I mentioned something about this to CB in passing the other day, and in true CB fashion – without even looking up from the Olympics – this conversation happened:

CB: “Yeah, that guy doesn’t want to be friends with you.”
Me: “Yes he does! Why else would he email me?”
CB, glancing up from the game: “Seriously?”
Me: “Yes!”
CB: “We’ve been over this a thousand times.”
Me: “He doesn’t want to date me.”
CB: “I didn’t say date. I’m pretty sure he doesn’t care whether or not you two actually date.
Me: “I think you’re wrong.”
CB: “That’s fine, but I’m not. Look, this guy has put in more effort to talk to you than I do, and we’re dating. That’s a lot of work. Guy’s aren’t all about work if they just want to be friends.”

And then I ignored Prince Charming and asked him to hush down so I could watch the pretty male US swimmers.

So when this came up last night with my two friends, I figured it was a good way to be able to go home and tell CB that I was totally right. Also, that last part didn’t end up happening.

Male Friend #1: “You’re definitely delusional.”
Me: “I don’t think so! I think you guys aren’t giving guys enough credit.”
Male Friend #2: “No, you’re giving guys too much credit because you’re over-thinking this. And I’m pretty sure that, if you look back on your life, you have left a wake of Friend Zone Guys behind you. Trust me. Lots of girls do it.”
Me: “Not true. I have a lot of guy friends where it has only ever just been platonic.”
#1: “No you don’t.”
Me: “Yes I do! And this guy could very easily just want to be friendly because he thinks I’m funny and charming. Obviously.”
#2: “Sure, that’s possible, but not likely, and here’s why. On a list of reasons why this guy is emailing you like this, I guarantee you funny and charming aren’t at the top. They’re probably not even in the middle. Know what is? Wanting to bang you. Sorry, but that’s definitely #1. And if #1 doesn’t work out, guess what? You’ll be getting a lot fewer emails.”
#1: “Yeah, like none.”
Me: “But he knows I have a boyfriend!”
#2: “Doesn’t matter.”
Me: “That’s ridiculous.”
#1: “No, you’re ridiculous. I need another beer.”

Ok, but in my defense, I think I’m totally still right. I’m not sure how that’s a defense, but I’m sticking to it.
So what do you guys think? Also, you should obviously agree with me. Wasn’t sure if that was clear, but just putting it out there. Ok, proceed!


  1. hmmm... So i'm with you on this. I always think that guys and girls can just be friends and so do my girlfriends. BUT when i talk to most guys (my husband excluded) about this they say it's a negative. so.... maybe most girls can be just friends with most guys, but most guys have ulterior motives...?


  2. Yes!!!! You've got it! I think you're onto something there, because it's always the guys who are saying guys and girls can't be friends. I'm pretty sure girls are just fine with the whole concept. :-)

  3. My Best friend is totally a guy. And we were friends before either one of us were married. He is actually a little reponsible for me getting married, and my delightful husband has no problem with him and that is saying something. Hubby and I had this same conversation about a guy in my collage class who I said was just being nice to me, and he said nope. I mean come on, is that really all they think about? He said yes. Then I brought up my best friend, and he said that didn't count because we are both weird. (touche) On the upside my Grandmother-in-law thinks I am an awful person for being friends with a male other than my husband. Whatever.

    1. Haha I totally agree. It sounds like a totally healthy marriage AND friendship - love it!! Thanks for sharing!