Why Billy Ray Cyrus shouldn't design dresses and why Andy Cohen has become the man of my dreams.

Wait, are we all on board with the mullet dress and I missed the memo? Because for the last few weeks I’ve been seeing these dresses everywhere and I wasn’t aware that we’d all just gone ahead and given in to wearing dresses that look like Billy Ray Cyrus’ hair. I’m not saying it’s an unattractive look…I’m just more confused by it.

How about you just stick to singing, Billy Ray? Wait....scratch that....

Also, I’m pretty sure that I need to spice things up in my day-to-day life because I think I just heard my brain yawn. Twice.

You know how they say that dreams are sometimes your subconscious working through whatever difficulties or stresses you are dealing with in your conscious state? Well, for two nights in a row, this is what I dreamed about:

Night One: Reading my work email.

Night Two: Andy Cohen recording the audio book version of Most Talkative. 

 The End.

Ok, I realize that even on the best days, having to listen to someone else’s dream is almost as much fun as clipping your toe nails. It’s not painful or anything, but it’s just sort of the obligatory thing we’ve all got to do now and then to keep things moving along. I mean, if we were all being honest, when someone said “Wow, I had the craziest dream last night” we’d all say “That’s nice.” And then shut them down and walk away. But, let’s all just admit right now that all of us has been that person who is convinced that whatever acid trip-like dream they just had from the night before is going to change the world of dream-listeners everywhere.

And so just in case, can we go back to my two dreams for a second?

Seriously?  Those two dreams were the best my brain could do when it’s all like “I’m sleepy, let’s go to bed and dream something really awesome for you to experience while you’re doing that REM sleep thing.” And then my imagination is like “Cool, check it out, I totally have two dreams that are gonna’ blow your mind, Sleeping Becky. The first one is of you doing the most mundane task you do all day long. And then on night two? You’re going to spend the whole night watching a person read a book into a microphone. Oh, also, you’re welcome.”

I’m not sure what this says about me as a person - except for the very obvious, which is that my daytime life is just so mind-blowingly awesome that my subconscious mind overheats and can’t function properly.

Or, that I’m doing life wrong. It’s one or the other.

Not the guy I thought would pop into my head during REM sleep, RYAN GOSLING.