Tuesday, August 14, 2012

The day I officially became too old for MTV to care and how to roll like Laura Ingalls.

So lately I’ve been able to pinpoint some very specific moments when I officially turned super old. Unfortunately, I’m not so old that it’s cute and people just assume that I drive slow and can’t hear anything. But I’m just old enough that it’s becoming painfully clear that I am no longer anyone’s target demographic. For anything. Except maybe wrinkle cream and pajama jeans.

My first clue was when I started referring to colleagues as “kids.” If you and I work together, I just assume that you were also born in the 1970s or earlier. However, once I realized that a co-worker of mine was born after the movie “Dirty Dancing” came out, I decided to pretend he didn’t exist and I also became fascinated with telling old timey stories about “back in the day” before the Internet. Like learning the Dewey Decimal System in school and ET Shrinky Dinks, at which point I realized that I was both old and incredibly lame.

Clearly, I definitely knew how to kick it old school back in the day, and all the kids totally wanted Little House on the Prairie hats. I believe it’s the equivalent of having the word “Juicy” written across my backside now. Also, is the word backside still cool? No? Never was? Let’s move on.

My second clue happens every time I watch television, especially with CB. First of all, CB was born in the wrong era. He definitely belongs in, like, the 30s where people called women “dames” and everyone went to speakeasy’s. Also, I believe I’ve heard him utter the phrase “kids these days” while muttering under his breath about “no respect” like a bad Rodney Dangerfield movie.

So you probably won’t be surprised to learn then that yesterday, while surfing the channels, we happened upon a music video for a group neither of us had ever heard of. And then this happened:

CB: “What the……is that their real hair?”
Me: “I think so….do you think they’re being trendy or ironic? I can't tell the difference these days.”
CB: “It looks like he has a mop on his head.”
CB: “Is this a real band?”
Me: “I think I’ve seen them somewhere, I’m pretty sure it’s the new N’Sync or New Kids on the Block. Except maybe these kids are British?”
CB: “This world doesn’t need another boy band.”
Me: “I no longer believe I’m the target demographic for MTV. Also, now we have to watch until the end so that I can Google these kids and see if they’re British or just being trendy.”

Aaaaaaand then we became our grandparents and continued to scold their ridiculous haircuts and way-too-tight pants. Oh, and then we watched Jeopardy, ate some tapioca pudding, and went to bed at 8pm.

Ok, so kids today prefer (a) not to wear belts, (b) to use straightening irons whenever possible and (c) not to consult anyone on the current temperature outside. There seems to be a lot of confusion going on with these young lads and I m really just concerned that the one on the right might catch cold. 

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