Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Monday Funday? Also, a 90 point checklist on why Koalas are adorable.

Since I totally skipped out on the Friday Funday Wrapup, I decided to do a sorta-kinda version of that here for the start to your (hopefully short) week!

First of all, I’m terrible at doing nothing. But this weekend my entire goal in life was to do absolutely nothing and just relax. Especially because I’m usually so “busy” that I don’t have time to read really great articles pointing out what jerks we all sound like for saying how busy we are all the time.

So after I cleaned my apartment, went to the grocery store, went to the gym, did my laundry, and pre-packed for my vacation home later this week, it was noon on Saturday and I decided that this relaxing thing wasn’t so bad. But then I realized that my version of “relax” means that I have to anesthetize myself with some awful, awful television in order to stay put. And so I took one for the team and watched a show that I’m hoping none of you has seen because that would make this country sad.

However, I totally watched two episodes of a show called “Miss Advised” on Bravo. First of all, we already know my love for all things Bravo – I mean, Bethenny Frankel andAndy Cohen alone are reason enough for me. But Bravo also has a way of finding the most insane people on the planet, dressing them up to look somewhat normal, and then convincing said insane people to talk into the camera about how ridiculous they are.

Thank God for Bravo.

There are way too many things to point out about this horrendously wonderful show that I couldn’t fit them all into one blog, so I just had to pick my favorite slash most horrifying moment. And that happened when the girl, Julia Allison, who just moved from Chicago to LA and is a “Relationships Writer,” decides to tell us about a SEVENTY THREE POINT CHECKLIST that she has for the man who will one day be lucky enough to marry her.

Also, she totally looks normal and now I understand why all guys think we’re crazy. We’re all labeled crazy because girls like this are walking around looking all normal and being completely bat-shit insane! Oh, and because we’re all crazy. But I digress.

Is it wrong that I could probably make a 73 point checklist on why this outfit maybe belongs in my closet instead of hers? You should really take everything I say with a grain of salt, is all I m saying.

Here are some of the items on her “must have” list for her man:
  • #13: Strong & consistent emotionally (to be fair, one of them should be)
  • #5: Wants to live in a warm climate
  • #33: Can play piano or guitar or sing
  • #64: 75% homebody, 25% enjoys swanky events
  • #78: Encourage my authentic self and personal growth (uh…what??)
  • #5: Reads The Atlantic, Fast Company, & WIRED

Ok, to be fair, I’m sure that a lot of people have some sort of vague “checklist” in mind if they’re single and looking. But this woman actually went on a date with what seemed to be a perfectly nice guy in the first episode and looked at her checklist and said “Yeah, he doesn’t have…” and then listed off the traits on her list he didn’t have, instead of focusing on the ones on the list that he did have. Also, she referred to her list at all.

 To be clear, I’m not an expert, which I know might come as shocking news to some of you who know my dating track record. But perhaps we should all take a step back and realize that this woman has written for many of the publications that I read on the airplane (none of which are The Atlantic, Fast Company, or WIRED), and she’s the same person who has been giving an entire generation of women advice on love and dating.

I think we’re starting to nail down the problem.

Regardless, I’m so glad that people like Julia Allison exist because, without her, I would’ve had to, like, shut off the tv and read my book some more…and we all know that guys don’t like girls who can read, so scratch that right off the list!


Secondly, you can’t have a bad Monday and look at this picture all at the same time. Nope, can’t happen.


Thirdly, yes, Courtney and I did have our fitting tribute to Ms. Nora Ephron yesterday. It was awesome and my stomach still hurts from all of the gummy bears. It was lovely.


And lastly, perhaps I’m overly critical of people on tv because I’m trying to mask how stupid I am in real person life.  I moved my trash can this morning to feng-shui up my work station and I’ve thrown three things on the ground in 10 minutes. So, there’s that.

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