Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Naming your food and other things perfectly normal people do.

A few things to note:
  • I sometimes forget that thoughts are for the inside.
  • I sometimes think more people think like me. And then I am mistaken.
  • I sometimes act creepy by accident. And then try to fix it. And then act creepier.
Example number one:

The other day I was sitting at my desk at work, minding my own business, when I went to pop a Mike n’ Ike into my mouth and it totally jumped out of my hand and started rolling across my desk! I yelled “Noooooooooooooooo Mike!” as I chased after it before it fell off my desk.

Co-worker: “Did you just yell at your candy?”
Me: “Yes! It was trying to get away.”
Co-worker: “Did you call it by name?”
Me: “It’s name is Mike. Hello, ‘Mike n Ikes’. It’s right there in the title.”
Co-worker: “I’m going to pretend this conversation didn’t happen.”

Becky: 1; Mike: 0

The red one is clearly Mike.

Second example related to the first example:

Cleaning out my mug in the sink the other day at work, I started singing a song in my head from my workout earlier. But, um, as a colleague walked into the kitchen, I sang – OUT LOUD – “I work ouuuuut.”
Name that tune!

Oh, and also, I do not use that kitchen anymore.

We workout.

Third example:

I haven’t been blessed with the finest culinary skills. But my boyfriend likes bacon, egg, and cheese sandwiches, and because I’m totally awesome and he gets cranky when he doesn’t eat on a regular basis, I decided to surprise him by making him his very own bacon, egg, and cheese sandwich for breakfast one morning.

Dilemma: I didn’t know how.

Solution: YouTube!

I was very proud of myself as I YouTubed “making a bacon, egg, and cheese sandwich: easy” and found an awesome video among not-awesome videos. No joke, I watched the videothree times before the day I even planned on making the sandwich. Then, woke up early one morning, walked to the grocery store, bought all of the ingredients, and then panic-watched the video on my phone again as I walked back to the apartment.

Cut to: Hungry boyfriend sitting on the couch, me trying to be inconspicuous as I pause and play the video several times during the process.

Hungry Man: “Why do you keep looking at your phone?”
Me: “No reason.”
HM: “And why do I hear a man’s voice coming out of it giving you instructions?”
Me: “I may have YouTubed how to make your sandwich.”
HM: “You what?”
Me: “I YouTubed how to make a bacon, egg, and cheese sandwich.”
Ungrateful Hungry Man: “You didn’t know how to make bacon? And an egg? And cheese?”
Me: “When you say it like that it sounds dumb. When you’re in my head, it makes sense.”
Ungrateful Hungry Man Who Will Be Making His Own Breakfast From Now On: “Yeah, I find that a lot.”

Someone who would DEFINITELY appreciate my bacon, egg, and cheese sandwich.

Fourth example:

Did you not read the entry about me throwing my underwear at a stranger? Keep up, people!

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